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Comments: 13

“Sir….can you hear me….are you awake?”

“How’s he doing?”

“Keep him stable we’re almost to the operating room!”

“Sir don’t try to move you have to remain still.”

What’s…happening?

“Alright we got work to do…”

“Sir I’m going to need you to count backwards from…”

Why am I falling asleep? I just woke up?

 

At the start my vision is blurry, and my eyes squint when the ceiling light stings them.

“How are you feeling?” a female voice asks. I blink several times as my eyes begin to adjust. “It’s okay, take your time to answer.” She adds. I’m in a hospital…how? Why?

“My eyes hurt.” I reply, shutting them.

“Well, you were unconscious for a very long time, almost a month actually.” She answers. I attempt to open my eyes again and this time I have a clear picture of the room, and the brunette nurse standing at the end of the bed.

“What..what happened?” I ask, noticing the bandages covering my arms and hands. It isn’t until now that I feel cloth around my head.

“An ambulance was called when someone heard an explosion, and the response team found you bleeding pretty heavily with several broken bones and other wounds. There’s some nerve damage in your left hand. Your spine was in bad condition, but not enough to paralyze you,” She starts before I speak up,

“Explosion? I was by myself in an explosion?” I question trying to recall the event.

“Well, no. There was another but the body was so badly burnt by the time the ambulance arrived…there was nothing to do. I know you’re just waking up, but do you have any idea who that other person might have been?” she replies. I’m silent as I try to think, but no one comes to mind. I can’t remember a single thing…not even who I am. “Sir, I’ll be here all night so if you need or think of anything, just press that button on the remote under your right hand.” She finishes and starts to walk away.

I look at my right hand and notice something that must be a tattoo. I begin to rub my hand hard against the bed in order to push the bandages back some. Two stick figures are revealed just under my pointer finger, they’re holding hands. One of the figures is way shorter than the other…like it’s a child. I stare at the tattoo for what feels like hours but in reality must have been a second or two before everything starts to come back. “Daiyu! Where’s Daiyu!” I begin to shout and the nurse jumps at my sudden yelling. 

“Sir calm down, it’s not safe to raise your blood pressure.” She says as she rushes to my side.

“Where is she!” I continue to repeat until the nurse calls for a doctor who runs in with a syringe in hand. “Don’t fucking touch me! Tell me where she is!” I demand as I flare my arms at the man.

“I’m going to need you to calm down!” He shouts at me, as the nurse begins to restrain my arms, but I over power her and she falls to the ground. The doctor lunges at me and I naturally punch him in the chest before putting him in a head lock. He tosses the syringe further down the bed as he tries to free himself. I notice his gasping and throw him away from me. I attempt to leave the bed but as soon as my feet touch the floor and I try to stand…I fall to the ground face first.

Where’s my little girl…

When I wake up from being sedated, the same nurse is at my side. I don’t even fully open my eyes before she asks, “Daiyu, who is she to you?” I look at the lady, and then to the ceiling with a head flooding with answers.

“In order to answer that, I’ll have to admit many things, and by the end of the answer I’ll be handcuffed to this bed.” I reply and for a moment there’s silence before,

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

 

*If you see any errors please let me know...I didn't do much editing. Anyways, the title may change but I doubt it, and I will create a cover because I have faith in this story :). For any anti romance people, please stick around because this story isn't all that romantic but love does play a part in it.* 


Submitted: August 04, 2017

© Copyright 2022 PoeticMe♥. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Miss Midnight

Whoo, very mysterious. Well written. I love that you cloaked this in darkness, making my mind travel all over the place, lol. Descriptions are well done and the dialogue is crisp and clear. However, I would have liked to see a flashback, deeper flashback. One filled with emotions that would make me relate to your character on a deeper level. I understand you wanted to go for simplicity, but a little bit more will just make this story pop even more. Overall, I enjoyed the flow and the confusion your character felt. Fantastic Piece!

Fri, August 4th, 2017 7:39am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for this sweet feedback. The rest and majority of the story will be told in an, I think the correct term is extended flashback, which of course will explain what happened up until this moment. I'm really happy you took time to read this. ~Poetic

Fri, August 4th, 2017 8:00am

Kossettes Novellettes Being saved

Im wondering whats going to happen with this one. Its been a while since I read a gokd fashion mystery.
I dont have much to say since this chapter only offered to us a question.
I cant wait to see where this goes
Thanx for the request :)


XoXo

Kossettes

Fri, August 4th, 2017 1:06pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for taking time to read this, it means a bunch. I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter despite it being short and confusing :).

Fri, August 4th, 2017 8:02am

Kossettes Novellettes Being saved

Im wondering whats going to happen with this one. Its been a while since I read a gokd fashion mystery.
I dont have much to say since this chapter only offered to us a question.
I cant wait to see where this goes
Thanx for the request :)


XoXo

Kossettes

Fri, August 4th, 2017 1:06pm

LeParadisNoirPoetique

I love a story that is mysterious, so I love this beginning. Clever use of font change for dealing with his thoughts, as that is a brilliant way to separate thoughts from dialogue. What I like about your stories is the serious tone, and I hope that this continues with that. Your dialogue is excellent, offering realism to counter with his thoughts.

I do like your descriptions, and I think you are working so hard on them, and it shows here. For the flashback idea, I wouldn't do it straight away. I think a good idea would be that if he talked about it, but his thoughts played what real happened, and I think that could torture him with madness, cos he wouldn't know which side of himself to believe.

I think a good story needs each chapter to ask a question, rather than give an answer, and you did that brilliant here. Poetic I will read all this if you continue, cos this is an excellent beginning!

Fri, August 4th, 2017 9:34pm

Author
Reply

I realized I don't like writing sentences such as "Where's the car, she thought" so thats why I use two separate fonts to avoid writing "He thought, she thought blah blah." Oh, I plan to keep this story serious...well maybe with a small tiny bit of humor, but for the most part it's going to be pretty dark. I just hope I can successfully take these ideas out of my mind and write them into the story.

I hardly ever plan a story out, I usually just start with an idea and write, but with this one I have specifically wrote out how it's going to play out. although I know I'll eventually say fuck the plan lets just go with the flow haha. trust me, he's going to go through some mental struggles in the future. thank you so much for reading and leaving an uplifting amazing comment :)!!

Fri, August 11th, 2017 11:05am

Vance Currie

Romance isn't my first preference for reading, but I am not averse to it. I have even included a bit of romance on some of my stories. What drew me to this story was you. I have enjoyed your stories so much in the past that I already knew that you are an entertaining writer. I take a different view to one of your other readers in that I like the mystery of this chapter and I think it would be too soon to reveal much about the protagonist. You have written enough in this chapter to make me want to read more. I don't think you have written anything for a while. I am happy to see you back. ~ Joe

Fri, August 4th, 2017 9:44pm

Author
Reply

I love romance, but I'm going to try to stay away from all the mushy stuff in this story. The only type of love will be between the protagonist and Daiyu, whose a child so of course it wont be all kissy kissy haha. Your comment really made me smile, and happy to know you enjoy my work. Thanks so much for reading!

Fri, August 11th, 2017 11:12am

ShadaStorm120

Oh my gosh, it's been so long since I've read something from you, too long really. Anyway, this was a fantastic start to your story. The mystery was well kept. You didn't reveal much. We don't know who this character is, what happened, or this girl he mentioned, but she obviously means a great deal to him. I'm excited to read more and find out what's really going on. You've done a great job with your beginning, and I look forward to reading on :)

Sat, August 5th, 2017 3:18am

B Douglas Slack

Wonderful to see you back again, Poetic. This story has promise. I'll keep reading, that's a given.

Bill

Sat, August 5th, 2017 3:44pm

Katherine M

This is a wonderful first chapter, Poetic! It was mysterious but not overly confusing. I loved how you started it with the mysterious stranger first waking up and then going under for surgery. His panic felt life like and I'm curious to know who Daiyu is and why the main character feels like he should be handcuffed to the bed. Also who that second body was.
I'll be back for chapter 2,
-Katherine

Sun, August 6th, 2017 3:10pm

blackheart38

I enjoyed this story, it had many mysteries that kept me reading to the end, like who is the person in hospital? What happened to him? And who's Daiyu? From the information received in the chapter, my guess is she's the main character daughter.

I didn't notice any mistakes, but I'm not the greatest at grammar, so I may have missed something.

Mon, August 7th, 2017 11:42pm

BriannasBooks

Wow, I really loved the setup for this story. It really keeps us guessing as it goes along, and I found myself unable to keep my eyes off the screen. I wanted so badly to find out more details about the explosion and the importance of Daiyu, and I loved how it ended on a cliffhanger. This was a beautiful read! I'll definitely continue :)

Thu, August 10th, 2017 8:36pm

Jonathan Scott Griffin

I'll have to read more of this. It's a strong intro that makes you wonder what happened with the explosion and if he caused it somehow without knowing. Furthermore, I am wondering how his little girl is doing. You have my attention.

Thu, August 24th, 2017 9:42pm

Erebus

Wow...this is really intriguing, really makes me interested in the story. I love the mystery of the main character too. Well written chapter that sets up a (hopefully) really good story

Thu, February 4th, 2021 5:40am

Author
Reply

Thanks for taking the time to read this :). I hope you enjoy future chapters.

Thu, February 4th, 2021 6:49pm

James McMahon

I enjoyed reading your story, so far the first Chapter. I'm looking forward to how the rest of the story will unfold. It's nice and mysterious so far. My only other comment would be to keep writing.

Wed, February 10th, 2021 1:09pm

Author
Reply

Thank you

Wed, February 10th, 2021 7:28pm

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