All-Time High

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
What's that one moment - the one point in time - that you felt such a high that you never wanted to come back from? I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about an event, a shocking moment, an adventure that you embarked on. But what happens when that one moment should have never happened and most likely never will again?

Submitted: August 05, 2017

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Submitted: August 05, 2017



I know there’s an entire chemical process to this… as to why some events cause a higher high than others. But I’m not talking about that side of things… I’m talking about the mental side, the emotional side, the dark side of our consciousness that edges us on, telling us that the danger is ok.

Your ‘high’ might be cliff jumping or sky diving, heck it might just be driving really, really fast on a highway that usually has cops stationed along the stretch.

My high?

Something entirely different.

Something that concerns even me.

A high that can’t really be achieved twice without some dangerous consequences.


I shall explain.

After a horrific car accident (mainly my baby – the car – being demolished), I was transported to the hospital with a few chest pains. The ‘you should see the other guy’ statement? Doesn’t work here. First off, the accident had definitely been my fault. Second, I hit a fucking tractor. He just kept on going. Stopped a few feet up the street, checked the back, and kept going. What a fucktard.


I sat in the car, wondering what the hell had just happened. The airbag was in my face. Dust was everywhere. The shock was starting to set in as I began to realize the severity of what had just taken place. I was fine but my baby, my child (again, just the car) was dead. He was leaking all over the payment and the entire front had been dented inwards.


My chest hurt, maybe partly from the seatbelt/airbag combination but mostly that my first real car was now lifeless on the road. He had served me for so long and I had treated him like this. The paramedics came. And the police. And the ambulance. Like good lord, my baby doesn’t need a fucking audience to see his last breath. Besides, it was embarrassing.


At the hospital, nurses shoved me through test after to test to ensure I hadn’t broken a bone. This was one of the only times I was grateful for such strong genes. They transferred me to a hospital room and handed me some medicine.


I’m sitting on the bed, quiet. My parents are beside me. We’re not saying much. And then it happens… my all-time high.

I’m trying to get comfortable on the bed. I’m fidgeting. The nurse asks me to lie down but my back feels like it’s on fire when I lean against the cotton. It’s supposed to be helping. It isn’t. And whatever fucking medicine they gave me, it’s shit.

I sit up straight but my body is aching. I feel like it’s a tremble but I’m not shaking. I can’t feel my fingers and my body is becoming numb. My eyes are blurry – is that a tear? I can’t take it anymore. I stand up and walk to the edge of the bed. My parents are worried.

I’m usually the stronger one between me and my sisters.

I begin to lose my breath, gasping for air. I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I’m hyperventilating. My mother is hugging me from behind. My father is holding my hands. The nurse is just watching in bewilderment. (Like what the fuck, lady! Help me out here instead of just watching.)


The whole process is absolutely exhilarating. To this day, I remember how high I felt, how much adrenaline was rushing through my limbs, the tingling, the numbness in my toes and fingers. It was a like warmth just rushed over me. Sure, I was scared but – that one moment – that point in time – was an all-time high.


But what scares me the most is not what my high is, rather what it takes to get there. I’m sure more than just a car accident could allow me to achieve the same feeling. But the amount of danger I’d have to find myself in… the trial and error – it scares me that I want this feeling.

And yet, there’s really no way to embrace it. Ever.

Because I’m not stupid. I don’t find danger. I’m not adventurous. And I’m not trying to get myself killed.

Oh, but if I was... how exciting would that be?

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