Repeat

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Never say never.

Submitted: August 05, 2017

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Submitted: August 05, 2017

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Sold my soul in exchange for promises of a great life on the other side. The pictures of nature with smiles were slowed when painted pictures of deceiving issues became modern. My closest friends never got to see the bullets that were coming through the windows they just shook and dropped from the blows to the head. Jealousy sparks the hate of millions around the world for a name or place in someone's life. Brothers killing their own cousins from across the tracks for the love of money. Mothers pushing out their daughters to give every bit of love to their new lovers fresh from prison. Fellow classmates of the same high school sleeping on park benches, and unable to cope with the drive bys at 1 a.m. , so they pray they make it to 6:20 when the school bus comes across the street. Afraid to celebrate birthdays in your home or even the movies becuase that makes your loved ones and you hot targets for demons watching your Facebook. Can't trust a woman too much as she is loyal to the ones that despise you then one argument could lead you to a dark parking lot thinking the moment is sensual, but is really your last stop in this life. Turned to weed in middle school then kept a bottle by my side just to keep calm when facing everyday troubles at home, and on the outside. My closest friends that would stay outside on the coldest nights with some protection in their gym shorts to accompany me when having to play the homeless role for a few days during the school year. 14 years old fighting grown men in the neighborhood or else they would continue to run over you just like the rest of the kids in the area. Watching the news one night of a once loving father killing all 6 of his children and his wife becuase she cheated then took his own life only to find out he stayed on the next street over. Seen such a nice kid that was homeless for a year and a half while we were in 9th grade get too hungry for money walk up to a door of an old man, and blast his stomach out his back end with buck shots from a double barrel. Hurt my soul to see him turn up a few days later in a canal behind a local church I used to attend. Started catching feelings for a beautiful girl 11th grade year that became brain dead when caught in cross fire at a gas station. I cried for a month only telling my mom who had given her a ride home when a bad storm came over head right after the job fair 3months before. Until this day tears come rolling down my cheeks when I think of my cousin Shawn as we attended middle school, high school, and played on the same team for football. A home invasion took his life along with his girlfriend, but 3 years later now they still have yet to find the shooters. I could look in his eyes and see myself, I've had a lot of best friends.

People back where I grew up tell me all the time, I've changed a lot. Changed as in I'm not down with the same activities we'd do when we were younger when times got rough. Can't pin point exactly what detoured me away from those dangers, but all I can say is thank you to many. Although, even now my stomach growls, and a alter ego reminds me of the loss of family and friends. Back then growing up friendship actually meant something, it meant a brotherhood. I was willing to take a few bullets for those people that stood with me as they would for me without a doubt in my mind. As we got older our classmates were dying, family neglected us, and the need for money in order to live became our only goals. We didn't see college or anything else for that matter for the simple fact that we were just trying to live to see the next day. Not many graduated as drugs were the quickest root to keeping a few dollars in their pockets. That brought a lot of tension in the air as drivebbys and walk ups became more prominent in the area. Babies being shot while in the arms of their mothers as they stand on the front porch just talking to other family members as demons would drive up emptying the clip in search of one person, but most times the target isn't even home. Can't even attend a local pool party without feeling like your life is in danger as we're pulling out constantly looking back at unfamiliar cars tailing us 2 cars behind then trying to menu er through the allies to lose them. Imagine playing basketball and hearing a few shots on the next street then overhearing the screams that sound much like your brother, so you rush over only to find that he's bleeding out on the sidewalk without any words being able to seep out his mouth just a tear rolling down his cold face. I Could go on and on about the many things I've witnessed and experienced, but it would make no sense to dwell on the past when the present is just as hard. Friends come and go, I hold no grudges for those that cross me today. People have changed a lot as they have a lot of phony ways, but I play the same game as them for a bit until it's time to actually address the meaning of a true loved one. The people I knew back then even now will do anything to protect and look out for me, as I've always done for them. I'm no saint, nor are they but they are the best family members I've seen in my life dead or alive. Now nothing is guaranteed as people talk as if they are close to you and sticking by your side, but in reality the money changes these phonies. It's never a "bro lets get this money later", "yo bro I'll stay here with you until this brushes over", "much love bro", "thanks for looking out bro, shoot I got you with a ride when you come back down" "damn bro them checks be small thanks for splitting your chicken sandwich with me". The love is real with them. People look at them as thugs and bitches today, but you can't judge a book by its cover. Those were great men and women in my life, the love was pure as the women call themselves my sister ready to check anybody that crossed me, and the men would ride up in groups defending me when the odds of me getting through a struggle look slim. Much love to each and every one of those amazing people.


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