Falling

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A reminder that bullying does hurt people and can cause pain to others and that kindness can really make a difference in someone's life.

Submitted: August 05, 2017

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Submitted: August 05, 2017

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Falling, falling. Down I go. I throw my hands out but I'm too slow. The floor moves towards me and I brace for the blow. Laughter erupts all around me as if someone cracked a joke. I look up to see open faces and feel a lump rise up my throat. In my head I beat myself up as I retrieve the items which I once bestowed. I already know a video will show my all time low. Everyone will see but what’s that to me when everyone has already seen the fool I’ve made myself out to be.

After school I try to rush out before the other kids but once again I am too slow. Then falling, falling. Down I go. Punches and kicks are thrown in the mix and the kids make a cake of my face then walk away. After a while I rise again. I get home late, my parents ask me but I won’t tell them where I’ve been. Inside I say it anyways, that I cried behind a school dumpster where the janitor walked me by. Routine as always nobody is very nice. I wonder why and if it’s because unlike the other kids I don’t get high. I respect all the ladies and maybe I don’t look fly but I do my best but what’s the point when all I do is hide. I look both ways when I cross the street, I do lame things to keep myself safe but by the end of the day my face is laid on the pavement anyways. What’s the point of living when there’s nothing to do and every face is laughing like I’m a clown in the room. I bring home good grades but what’s that going to do when my parents are at work every time I’m in the mood. I just want someone to watch movies with and pass the time instead I’m left alone with my thoughts that make me want to die.

Next day rolls by and surprise, surprise. Falling, falling. Down I go. That’s the third time in a row… As I move to get up there’s a hand reaching down from a really nice girl with an even nicer smile. Strands of hair hang she’s a fine attraction. As the light bends it looks like she has a halo and I take her hand standing to my satisfaction and she doesn't treat me like I'm a circus attraction. We talk all day but when she goes home I’m left all alone. As I walk down the street I hear snickers behind me. I whip around in time to dodge the cascade of rocks from the kids who now surround me. They beat me up and call my mom names and talk about me and say I’m really lame. I run to escape and lock the door behind me safe at home I call out for my parents quietly, in case the bullies somehow manage to find me. Once again no one is home their both at work the same old thing. Their never home unless I’m asleep. There’s a rare day of the week where they stay at home but their absorbed in work still instead of me. I’m getting really tired of the same old routine. I want love and commitment not the same old thing. Just one day of slight attention that’s all I need. If I can manage that then it will be alright. So then it’s decided and I boot up the laptop and type away, ‘today’s the day’. I open up a live feed got tears spilling down my cheeks. People quickly join already putting laughing emoji’s and very few try to intervene as I pull out a bottle and start to pour. The pills go down my throat and I often choke. I chug down the water and look at the screen. Still everyone is laughing at me. Then I laugh too because finally they are all seeing me and some freak out a little but it’s all too late.

As I stand staring at the screen I think about how i'll be falling, falling. Down I will go, only this time no one will see me grow... This time I won't get up. I'll be done, my goose well cooked. Then I remember how a really nice girl helped me off the floor and that act of kindness pulled me out. I realized what I’d done and that maybe I finally had a friend. Why would I be so stupid to make that end. I slam the laptop shut and run to the bathroom vomiting pills. I start to get dizzy it’s all too real. I hear the front door slam and my mom screaming my name. My dad’s not far behind her someone must have called. Apart of me wonder’s if it was that girl or not at all. A friend gone bully or maybe just concerned people who found the trend. Whoever it was cared enough to take the time to stop my end. The attention I in which I seek has finally arrived. My mom is holding me as she cries. The room goes dark and I wake up in the hospital and suddenly happy to whoever told. How did I not know that dying wasn’t the way to go.

I was living and breathing and when I got up from the bed it happened again. Falling, falling. Down I went. This time I laughed because I wanted to live. The world seemed brighter and I couldn’t wait to go to school to see the girl with the halo who was really cool. A few kind acts was all it took and soon I was good as new and no more falling came upon me and friends were piling around me. Now I got noticed but I should have done it differently it’s important how I view me and I shouldn’t let the ones around me influence my decisions and put me down. Now there’s open faces but no more clowns.


© Copyright 2017 Rainey.Rose. All rights reserved.

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