To my ex-boyfriend

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short poem to my ex-boyfriend. Aka basically me just pouring out my heart on a "piece of paper".. aka the things that were left unsaid

Submitted: August 06, 2017

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Submitted: August 06, 2017

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To my ex-boyfriend 

Hey! Umm.. hi.

i just wanted to tell you that I am not still  completely over you. I don't think I ever will be, to be honest.. however, I am trying to do my best. However however, people aren't helping much. They ask me what's my relationship status. I tell them I my boyfriend recently broke up with me. They get all emotional and tell me how they're sorry and stuff.. even though they couldn't care less. Anyway, then comes the next question like a big blow; "how long have you two been together?" Uhh well this is kind of complicated, to be honest. We've known each other for a month. Don't panic, please.. things escalated pretty quickly between us. We met Monday, started going out Thursday, separated on Sunday, got together the same day, separated the next day again, only to be back together that Friday, then separated two weeks later. Please don't ask me how, I honestly don't know myself. I was in love, really. You might think how can you think you love someone when you've known them for what.. three days? And again I must agree, I honestly don't know myself. I just instantly knew he was the one. Not like the one I'd marry (let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we), but the one I'd like to spend my days with. The one I'd like to cuddle with on a sofa during rainy days watching tv. I might be cliche, okay, I know. But that's just the type of person I am. Anyway it was love st first sight. And believe it or not, he liked me too! We had chemistry between us, sparks were flying so much that our friends told us to just get over with it and start going out. So we did. We both liked each other so what can you lose? Little did I know how much I would lose. We were together for what, two weeks? And a couple of days on top? I don't know, I don't care. What we had was real. What I had, at least, was real. Because apparently, even though, believe me, he "loved me at one point" (nice, huh?), he didn't feel the same way. Unfortunately my circumstances were not helping us either, as I had to leave a week after meeting him. When he asked whether I wanted to start going out I just stopped for a second and my mind went blank. Why? Is it even worth it to start something when we both know it's going to have to be one hell of a long distance relationship after I leave? (He was from the US, I'm from Europe.) he didn't even flinch. Didn't even blink. Without hesitation he said it is going to have to be a long distance relationship, and we're going to make it. I wasn't so certain about it but then I looked st him at I found my peace.. so I thought, why not? What can I lose? Apparently, you can lose a lot. And so I did. I lost my dignity, allowing him to play with me as if I was a rag doll. I lost myself, when he told me "don't worry, I loved you st one point". I lost my temper, when he told me he "isn't feeling it anymore". What kind of bullshit is that? I told myself okay. It can't be that bad. Just get  over yourself. But most importantly, I lost everything.. when you give everything you have, you either win and get it all back twice, or lose and lose it all forever. Unfortunately, I lost. However, "or wasn't my fault" and he just "wasn't good at long distance relationships"... my ass. If you wanted to be with me you would make it work. If you loved me like I loved you, you would make it work. If I knew you would be such a dick i wouldn't even look at you when we first met. Who cares if you were everywhere I was. I do.. but I don't. I don't want to. Truth is I do. I can't help myself but still love you. Why? If you know please tell me. Even when you told me you didn't feel like being in a relationship right now is what you wanted, I told you, as I was sobbing, that it's okay and I just want you to be happy. The response I got was "I really appreciate you not being a complete bitch about this".. like excuse me? I was dumb founded. Still, I'd do anything to see you smile.. So I broke myself to fix you. But tell me now, who is going to fix me?


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