Rip out my heart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
I've never been able to cry,
My mother always told me that she only ever saw me smile and laugh since my childhood

As a young child I never got really emotional, I was happy sometimes, yes, but besides smiling and laughing?
No tears ever rolled down my cheek.

Though all that changed one day, I met someone.
And from there on out I felt things, different things.
Sadness that I lied about my feelings,
Anger that I couldn't think about anyone else.

My heart problems were the reason I never cried, I thought why should I?
I'd rather feel happy than sad, knowing my life could end any moment.
All the friends I made, all the achievements I accomplished, gone in an instant if my heart so chooses.

It made me depressed, I understood my situation.
That I would lose everything at one point.

So I cried a lot, until I saw a smile that made me cry again.
It made me cry because it wasn't mine, because I could never reach it.
But I smiled, for I knew someone else would cherish that precious smile.

I knew I would never see that smile again at some point.
And I cursed my heart for it, it was weak, it was fragile.
Why couldn't I just get rid of my heart?

Maybe then I could've reached that smile I loved so much.
Or maybe I wouldn't have cried over losing the only person that ever made me feel.

Submitted: August 10, 2017

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Submitted: August 10, 2017

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All my pain, all my sorrow

Stuck inside my heart like an arrow

 

Unable to grief and cry

I lost all emotion, and even I question why

 

But the answer I don't want to hear

For the truth is something I fear

 

So just rip out my heart, take away my pain

I lost need of it long ago, my tears can't hide in the rain

 

My heart is useless, it brings only sadness and regret

How the warm sun feels on my skin, is something I begin to forget

 

Since I hide myself and my hollow heart inside the dark

My body is defiled, rotten and corpse like, a broken person's mark

 

All my nightmares, all my depressive thoughts

Thrash around inside my brain like bullet shots

 

Unable to comprehend and understand

I lost my thoughts, fallen out of my head held by my broken hand

 

But I am happy they got lost

They felt harsh and cold like stones covered in frost

 

So lock away my mind, destroy my dreams

I lost track of them long ago, having turned into desperate screams

 

My mind is hurting me, it makes me depressed and saddened

How the moon shines at night, I don't remember that it ever happened

 

Since I won't notice my own voice and the broken words spoken

My mouth is dry and my stomach empty, signs of a person which was broken

 

So I beg you to rip out my heart, lock away my mind

Chain my arms and legs, make my eyes blind

 

Rip out my heart.

Tear it apart.

 

Make me feel nothing.

No pain, no regret, no sorrow, not even the warmth of loving.


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