Self help - Advice on how to beat suicidal thoughts and feelings

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Here's some advice to my suicidal friends, family, classmates, teachers, co-workers, and everyone else.

NOTES: This will NOT work for everybody, these are simple things used in therapy that help support depressed and suicidal patients, and things that helped me overcome my suicidal thoughts while I was being bullied, and supported my mindset when I realised I almost watched my mother die before me.

I am not an expert but I have been suicidal many times before and come out the other side with only mild injuries. This isn't a professional's point of view, but it's mine - a person who has suffered and was able to successfully find happiness in the bleakest of times.

Submitted: August 11, 2017

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Submitted: August 11, 2017

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You aren't alone and people can support you. I care about you. I want you to live. You know how you can believe that I mean that? I'm writing this article for you. I know you're saying "well these are just words on a screen, they can't seriously be directing this whole article to me", but I am, and everyone like you, too. This is for the people who feel suicidal or at least depressed and how you can help yourself with coping with the things your mind is telling you to do.

 

First: Breathe and find yourself

Who are you? What is your name? What is your birthday? How old are you? What do you enjoy? What don't you enjoy? What's your favourite food? What's your favourite drink? Your favourite colour, or time of day, or month? What makes you laugh every time you see it?

Okay. What do you need at a fundamental level? I can answer that; food, water, warmth and coolness depending on the weather, community, enough money to live, health, and your life.

What do you want? Don't worry - in self-care you have to be selfish, full stop. You aren't selfish for taking care of yourself in a time of need. Your wishes come before others when you are healing yourself - besides, you are you, nobody else can cater for you perfectly if they aren't you. So, what do you want? It can be something small, a cone of ice cream, or a new set of pens, or it can be big, like to write a novel or to learn how to play the guitar. You don't have to explain why you don't have an ice cream in your hand at this moment, or that you aren't the next prodigy in your field, you just have to list everything you want. Do you want a job? A nice house? A pet or a family? A car? Anything, really.

Now you have a goal in mind, we have to think for a moment

 

Think about your inner mind.

Your mind isn't your own. A mental illness isn't part of you or your wishes, it's a virus which wishes to make you unable to do anything.

Fight against the virus. Call it names, tell it it's wrong. If you met someone on the street who talked to you the same way your mind works you'd be offended and would ignore them - do the same to your mind. It's not something that controls you.

Think of your suicidal thought as a parasite. It hitches a ride on you, draining you of your will to live until you die, then it multiplies; leeching onto your loved ones, making them feel as you were. You have the option to let this leech keep draining your will to live or slap the little bugger until it comes off and leaves you alone. It won't leave for good, but don't start to think about the future before you're there.

 

Now, think about why you are here.

Why are you depressed and suicidal? If your reason includes other people, there are 7 billion other people on this planet, there will always be replacements for people who did you wrong, and there will always be people who won't think you're a waste of space, and chances are (refer to the previous point) that the people you know right now don't think that way at all, and it's simply the parasite on your shoulder making you think they believe you're awful.

There are reasons that aren't that - a loss in the family, an overwhelming weight of society, or looming death itself, even - better take your own life than for an illness to take it for you. The answer is different for everybody, but what is life as to live it to the best. Are you going to give up on a chance of life getting better, or listen to the parasite and not give life the chance to get better? Life may be short, but it's the only chance we get, and what if the afterlife or whatever you believe in is worse than your days here? Then what?

 

Now, think about if your reasons are real and permanent to your state of mind.

There are real reasons to question life, but most aren't permanent. Some, even, aren't real. I hear a lot from friends that they are a "burden on their friends and family" and they "waste time, space, and resources". Truth is, mass murderers take up more resources than you, and they are a real waste of space.

If you tell a lie enough to your brain, you begin to believe it. If I thought pizza is actually a code word for toilet paper, if I repeated it enough, it will be. This is also how learning works; if you tell your mind "Force equals mass times acceleration" enough times it'll become someone that you remember for your test.

Speaking of tests - there is always a resit available. If you're doing badly in school or if you're worried about your results, or if you've got bad results, there is always a second chance. Perhaps school isn't for you, so take a breather and find your skill elsewhere. School isn't a be-all-or-end-all. Consider this - you see someone who failed their exams, but has a huge portfolio of their research or something relevant to the job's field - I'd hire them, wouldn't you?

 

Now, consider that telling your mind something enough will make it stick.

Positive thinking is the hardest part of the self-help process, by far. Right now you're thinking "wow is this dude for real?", and yes, I am. It's not stupid, it's what has been used for generations on CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) and it works.

Tell yourself, even if it's not what you really think "I am worthy of love" I know, it sounds stupid, but do it again. "I am worthy of love", and again, and again. "I am worthy of life", "I am worthy of life". Now, make one yourself; a simple phrase, no more than 10 words. I can't read your mind, I can't make all of the phrases for you, but please, make one for yourself, and when you're done, repeat it, repeat it, repeat it. Write it down on places you want to hurt yourself, sing it, draw it, make chemical formulas for it, whatever helps!

I won't say it's helping now - you've come here for help, and that's one of the ways I can suggest that will help.

 

Now, stop talking about your desire to kill yourself to anyone but your doctor.

Yes - get a therapist. I'm not a specialist, and even if you do find a specialist you won't find proper personalised help on here. There are online help lines if you need help, there are people who can support you, but don't do it too often to friends, family, or anyone else. Expressing it to others encourages the thoughts of suicide in your mind - it's not a vent, it's a catalyst which enables your leech to drain your life force quicker while making you feel okay for thinking that way. Dark jokes, venting, and hearing other suicidal people expressing their desire for death is only opening the wound and letting more parasites in. Vent to a specialist, not your friends. You may disagree, but honestly, after several months of hearing my friends just get worse and worse while refusing to get help, try to start supporting yourself with someone who's a professional in helping people's minds. It's okay to say it once or twice, but too often plants the seed and makes it worse.

 

Today don't die for me. Don't die because there are people who love you, maybe you have to find them, but they're out there. Don't die because there is still life left, even if it's not long for whatever reason, or if it's years and years, there is still a chance life will get better. Don't stop life from getting better because a virus makes you think it won't. Force happiness until you don't need to, and encourage change, because right now you are falling apart, and we will help you collect and piece together your fractures.

Don't die tonight, promise me.


© Copyright 2017 Marcellinos. All rights reserved.

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