Pain
The pain I tend to feel every day is both emotional and physical. They go hand in hand and follow me everywhere. The physical pain
I have had for 7 years, after being thrown from the 7th floor. August 13, 2017 will be the7 year anniversary. Nothing to celebrate.
Sure people will say, “celebrate that you have stayed alive!” But sadly, this is no longer a life, as my only communication with the
outside world is my computer. It can get very lonely being disabled. After 7 years it gets annoying and depressing and just plain painful. I don’t need to tell you I can no longer
go out to the mall and hang out with friends. All my friends are in different countries. I made new friends online. Thank God for that.
I count every penny. Some days there is not enough for food. You get used to eating cheap canned beans. I remember a time
when I used to go out with friends to restaurants and we would spend the evening laughing and making jokes. Those times are gone now and I wish I had the ability to erase them from my
memory. All they do is cause me pain. I reminder a life that I once had and never will again.
I think what hurt me the most is that once I became disabled, one by one my friends began to turn their backs on me. Starting new
relationships, getting married, having kids. No room for Cristina anymore. No time for a phone call. Good riddance. That emotional pain outweighs the physical by far.
Online I am able to meet others who suffer like I do. Sometimes even more and my heart breaks for them. In a way, we are able to help support each other
emotionally. I am writing this for them. To thank them for accepting me and offering me any kind of help.Even when money is tight, some are able to save a few dollars and
send them my way, saying I am in more need. The friends I had before I became disabled have sadly failed me. Only a few remained. The list of friends after I became disabled,
seems to grow every day.
This is a personal thank you to each one of you (you know who you are). Thank you for allowing me into your life and showing me care and concern. It has
been an incredibly tough 7 years, but I know I would not be here if not for the kind hearted people I have met. Most with disabilities, some not. But all have shown me love and support
and a metaphorical shoulder to cry on when times have gotten very tough.
Submitted: August 12, 2017
© Copyright 2021 Criss Sole. All rights reserved.
Comments
When I see to your story I understand that my problems is not problems.
Sat, August 12th, 2017 6:48pm
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You are so kind Roman. Thank you for talking the time to read my story. I really appreciate it.
Sun, August 13th, 2017 2:10am
So touching, I cried reading this...
Please remain strong.
Author
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Thank you so much. Your comment truly means so much to me. I was glad you were so touched by my writing.
Sun, August 13th, 2017 10:47pm
Keep on, Criss. And be glad of the internet. It is a life-saver for a lot of us!
Sun, August 13th, 2017 2:16pm
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It certainly is. Thank you for giving it a read.
Sun, August 13th, 2017 10:54pm
very emotional,keep it up criss
Mon, August 14th, 2017 8:44am
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Thank you so much :)
Mon, August 14th, 2017 11:46pm
you stay strong , may ALLAH (GOD) bless you, never look down what happened to you ,i am a muslim by faith and i may be looked with doubtful minds coz media has protrayed us what we can never be ,violence and the faith of islam has nothing to do , my dear i would suggest you to sometime have a look into the translation of Holy Quran in the language you under stand the most ,because it would give you the answer to questions you are searching for .Quran is the continuation of message brought by beloved jesus peace be upon him , i would love to help you with whatever i could but unfortunately i live very far away from you and we muslims are kept an eye on when we send money even for good works , i really feel heart broken for you :(but never pity yourself ever ,the world will betray us but real friends are always there.i salute you brave girl . i am Ali.
Fri, November 10th, 2017 1:04pm
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Thank you so much for such a great comment Ali. Thank you for taking the time to read about what has happened to me.
Sat, December 23rd, 2017 9:16am
I personally think that you are a very strong individual. Probably the strongest I have every known. Life is known to be cruel to a lot of people but those who have been hurt the most are known to smile the brightest. Man, that sounds like a cheap fortune cookie but its the truth. I love your writing and I hope you are able to find happiness.
Sun, November 12th, 2017 7:24pm
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Thank you so much. Seeing a comment from you sure made me smile. So sorry for the late reply. I was moving.
Sat, December 23rd, 2017 9:34am
Honestly speaking now... I really want to hug you...for hours! I want to carry some of the ''weights'' that drag you down. Please share them with people who love you. It will relief some of the metal pain for sure, trust me! I wish you all the best and i'm looking forward to read more from you =P
Fri, January 12th, 2018 3:53am
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Aww thank you so much :)
Thu, January 11th, 2018 11:42pm
to one of the greatest friends I have ever had the privilege of meeting (digitally) you wrote a piece thanking those of us who wish to be there for you and support you, but in truth it is us that should be thanking you! you entered our hearts and showed us that no matter what the circumstances or the problems dictate us to feel we can all follow your example and remain up-beat and positive. in case you never knew it your kind and loving heart helped me when I needed it most and for that I thank you.
Thu, July 19th, 2018 8:51pm
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I can't tell you how much your comment means to me. I have lost a lot after I became disabled, but I was also able to meet some amazing people from around the world who have become my close friends. You being one of them of course! I am truly thankful for that.
Fri, July 20th, 2018 10:14pm
ok .. i was reviewing my friend's short story and i fell on this heart-breaking piece of writng by coincidence ... i really can't find the words to express my feelings .. but girl ! u're a warrior, bear in mind that everything happen for a reason ... and here u are, still fighting and inspiring us ^^ i just wanna tell you that i've read every single word in this story carefully and with all of my heart .. I LOVE YOU ??? .. may god bless you sweety ^^ :*
Sun, December 16th, 2018 10:20pm
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Oh thank you!!! You made my day Kid. I can't tell you how much it means to me to wake up to such an awesome comment. I really appreciate it.
Sun, December 16th, 2018 11:28pm
I was totally stunned as I read this amazing piece of writing! First, I know from reading your past works, how truly talented you are, & I either didn’t know about your condition, or didn’t ever register anything different in any way other than your incredible skill in writing! I will share with you however Princess, that you have been, are, & ALWAYS will be a hero to me, & I count myself lucky to feel that you are my friend! Thank YOU for this Thank you, & know that we who know you here at Booksie.com are truly blessed to have you as a fellow artist of the written page!
Sun, March 24th, 2019 10:45am
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That is one of the nicest comments I have ever gotten. I cannot thank you enough. That really means a lot to me, and certainly gives me something to be thankful for.
Sun, March 24th, 2019 9:01pm
I don't know how to response to this heartbreaking story of yours nor I can imagine what you're going though, but I know about not having outside friends and just having online friends.
Tue, June 4th, 2019 4:24pm
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Thank you for reading. It means a lot. I am so grateful for technology. I have been able to meet some amazing people from around he world.
Tue, June 4th, 2019 9:50am
I feel this to my core. I may not have it as bad, but I know how it feels. What I mean is I lost friends due to my back being bent and also because I gained so much weight. When I got surgery on my back and lost weight, more people wanted to talk to me. Many of those were the ones that had avoided me when I was sick and fat. And well, I guess we just gotta keep those that ALWAYS were with us since before and after the storm. Much love all the way from Mexico.
Tue, November 26th, 2019 6:32am
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It truly means a lot to me that you were able to understand. Thank you so much for the comment Jean. You really gave me a reason to smile.
Mon, November 25th, 2019 11:02pm
I just read this Criss, for the first time, I understand, I empathize with you, and your most touching writing. I fell off a ladder and hit the pavement in 2007, and the accident came back to haunt me as pain from my head & neck to my spine and base. No way is that a disability compared to what you have been through, I manage, work through it, and writing gets me through. Your writing is heartfelt, emotional, touching. I feel your pain, I understand how you feel and, most of all, I wanted you to know that I admire you for the way you deal with it. You inspire me, thank you, stay safe and take care - best wishes, HJ x
Fri, March 27th, 2020 7:53pm
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I cannot tell you how much your comment means to me. Turning to writing is what has kept me going. I am so grateful that I am able to share it online, and meet some amazing people.
My heart goes out to you.... no matter how far you fell, it can still cause great damage. I got very lucky and the damage to my body was not as severe as doctors had first assumed it would be. I was supposed to be blind and have the intellect of an infant if I managed to survive.
Losing my close friends over time was devastating. I am still not used to all the changes.
Thank you again for that kind comment.
I relate and feel this I had a accident 2 years ago I feel like a part of me didn't come back from my death experience
Sat, April 11th, 2020 3:27am
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I am so sorry you had to go through that. It means a lot to me that you took the time to read and leave a comment.
Thank you so much, and I wish you all the best.
Honestly, I feel so down this day. I feel useless and alone. But after I read what you wrote, I was truly amazed of how brave you are. You made me believe that there are still good things to thank everyday. Thank you for sharing.
Author
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That is so sweet of you, thank you. I really smiled as i read your comment. I know we all feel down and useless sometimes, i have felt that a LOT.
Stay strong! And thank you so much for your comment. It really meant a lot to me.
Hmm , no words for you . Your are fearless and unstoppable. Your are great.
Fri, July 3rd, 2020 2:52am
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That means so much to me!
Thank you Niranjan, for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it.
Life can be slow, long, and all together awful. Do your best to stay in the moment. Look back only for good memories. This may all sound so generic, but the simplest of ideas are usually the closest to genius. Use your writing to continue to allow you to walk through this world no matter how hard it may be. Good luck
Sat, July 11th, 2020 2:42am
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That's some very good advice, thanks. I try my best, but it's not always easy. Thankfully writing has helped me tremendously. Reading comments like yours when i wake up always gives me a reason to smile and start my day on a good note.
Thank you.
I came back again to view this amazing piece by one of the authors who I hold in very high esteem; You have a majesty within you that shines forth like a beacon Chris! I truly pray that all is well for you in these crazy times of instability!!! Hold true to your inner Princess, my sweet artistic friend, & never forget that I & many others here and around the globe, are encouraged & elevated by who you are, what you do, & all you have accomplished!!!
Sat, July 11th, 2020 6:10pm
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Aww thank you so much.
Kind people like you have given me a reason to keep going.
Your anniversary is 13th August n my b day is 13th August
Mon, July 20th, 2020 1:07pm
Author
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Happy Birthday :)
And i opened up an instagram account last night. Not sure how it works, but i found you.
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You are so brave and strong criss because you hold something heavey on your shoulder. You can make other beautiful memories in the future.
Sat, August 12th, 2017 11:54amAuthor
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I hope you are right. It has been a hard 7 years. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment :)
Sun, August 13th, 2017 2:08am