Thank You

Pain

The pain I tend to feel every day is both emotional and physical.  They go hand in hand and follow me everywhere.  The physical pain I have had for 7 years, after being thrown from the 7th floor.  August 13, 2017 will be the7 year anniversary.  Nothing to celebrate.  

Sure people will say, “celebrate that you have stayed alive!”  But sadly, this is no longer a life, as my only communication with the outside world is my computer.  It can get very lonely being disabled.  After 7 years it gets annoying and depressing and just plain painful.  I don’t need to tell you I can no longer go out to the mall and hang out with friends.  All my friends are in different countries.  I made new friends online.  Thank God for that.  

I count every penny.  Some days there is not enough for food.  You get used to eating cheap canned beans.  I remember a time when I used to go out with friends to restaurants and we would spend the evening laughing and making jokes.  Those times are gone now and I wish I had the ability to erase them from my memory.  All they do is cause me pain.  I reminder a life that I once had and never will again.  

I think what hurt me the most is that once I became disabled, one by one my friends began to turn their backs on me.  Starting new relationships, getting married, having kids.  No room for Cristina anymore.  No time for a phone call.  Good riddance.  That emotional pain outweighs the physical by far.  
Online I am able to meet others who suffer like I do.  Sometimes even more and my heart breaks for them.  In a way, we are able to help support each other emotionally.  I am writing this for them.  To thank them for accepting me and offering me any kind of help.Even when money is tight, some are able to save a few dollars and send them my way, saying I am in more need.  The friends I had before I became disabled have sadly failed me.  Only a few remained.  The list of friends after I became disabled, seems to grow every day.
This is a personal thank you to each one of you (you know who you are).  Thank you for allowing me into your life and showing me care and concern.  It has been an incredibly tough 7 years, but I know I would not be here if not for the kind hearted people I have met.  Most with disabilities, some not.  But all have shown me love and support and a metaphorical shoulder to cry on when times have gotten very tough.