Second chance refused

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
I will never be someone. Because I chose to be a noone.

Submitted: August 14, 2017

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Submitted: August 14, 2017



Second Chance refused


I talked to a close friend of mine. A nice chat with a cup of coffee and a few cigarettes. We talked about our childhoods, the things we did and the hobbies we had.

She did Kung-Fu a few years, played an instrument in an orchestra, sang in a choire, played in the theatre work shop of her school.

I didn´t do any of it. She played roles, sang, played an instrument, trained martial arts.

I ask myself "What did I do?"

The answer is plain and simple. Nothing. I wasted my youth with video games and masturbation and as soon as I was old enough to buy beer, I wasted my youth with video games, masturbation and getting drunk.

I never had a real hobby, at least I never had a hobby that is somewhat usefull.

And now, with the age of 30, realization hits me like a fist to the throat.

I could have been a rock star, a actor, a engineer, a doctor, a black belt karate champion, a professional athlete.

All the things I could have been compared to what I am today.

30 years old, specialist corporal, overweight, with a damaged lung. Stuck in the mud.

I barely made it through high school, I barely finished my apprenticeship for a job I never wanted and didn´t work in for 11 years.

Who is to blame?

Noone but me.

It´s not like I never had the chances or the opportunity to do something.

I had all the chances in the world, my parents begged me to do something. Study, do my homework, go out and start a sport.

I just didn´t took it. Because I was a stupid, lazy, naive piece of shit who knew it all better.

Because I was busy playing with my dick, my PS2 and getting wasted.

I will never cure a disease, I will never fill a sports stadion, I will never give an autograph to a fan.

I could have been someone and chose to be noone. A number and a name tag in a large machinery full of numbers and name tags.

I am a human, multipurpose, but with a total lack of talent.

Because every thing else was more important than developing skills and working on talents I maybe had. All gone.

I want to turn back time, I want to be 13 again with the knowledge of today.

I would change so many things, take all the chances I missed because of my lazyness and stupidity.

I fucked my self over big time.

Late insight has the nasty habit to show up after everything went down the drain.

The opportunities are gone. Second chance refused.

Ain´t gonna happen.

Sorry, but fuck you.

No awards, no belts, no prices. Nothing.

Because everything else was more important.

I fucked myself over, and I fucking regret it.

© Copyright 2018 matt dogg. All rights reserved.

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