Super TV Addict

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Television can teach and amuse, and it does provide needed distraction and escape. Yet, the difficulty arises when one strongly senses the need to stop viewing as much, and yet find they are unable to reduce viewing. Many people enjoy sitting or relaxing in front of the television and “turning off” their brain to relax a little. Charlie didn’t consider himself as a television addict...

Submitted: August 15, 2017

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Submitted: August 15, 2017

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Television can teach and amuse, and it does provide needed distraction and escape. Yet, the difficulty arises when one strongly senses the need to stop viewing as much, and yet find they are unable to reduce viewing. Many people enjoy sitting or relaxing in front of the television and "turning off" their brain to relax a little. The problem is that watching television in excess can cause physical problems as well as problems with relationships. It is known that heavy viewers report watching eight hours a day.

Charlie didn't consider himself as a television addict. He only watched seven hours and fifty-nine minutes a day, every day of the year, every day of his life. Here are his favorite programs:

1) A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila

"Hot Shots!" of Tequila while enjoying "Surprise! I Like Boys and Girls".

2) I Wanna Marry Harry

Harry Truman, the "true man"!? Impossible! It cannot be about the man responsible of the Korean War. It must be about another Harry. Probably Harry Potter.

3) Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Every time Honey appears on the show, everybody boo boo her, even Charlie. That's why he likes the show so much, just for the sake of it (to boo).

4) Cavemen

If Joel, Andy and Nick were "The Three Musketeers", Charlie would be d'Artagnan. The only difference is that Joel, Andy and Nick have more hair and beard than Athos, Porthos and Aramis. More brain? Surely not. I would even say that Charlie has less brain than "the three cave musketeers", and it makes him laugh. Or when stupid is funny.

5) Dads

Two successful video game developers whose lives are unexpectedly changed when their fathers move in with them. Their fathers moving in with them?! You've got to be really stupid to come up with such a plot. But Charlie thinks this is genius.

6) Fanboy & Chum Chum

No comment!

7) The Tom Green Show

There's a punk rock band called Green Day. They wrote a song called "American Idiot". I think Tom Green has something to do with it. And Charlie?! He has nothing to do with it. He's not an American idiot. He's just a complete idiot.

Charlie says that "Men at Work" are "Down Under". That's his excuse for not working. However he did his military service. He was part of a "Platoon" led by lieutenant Wolfe. But who care! It was Sergeant Barnes and Sergeant Elias who were in charge. In "No Man's Land" they were "Three for the Road". As a consequence: "Eight Men Out". Indeed, they was only space for three men in the jeep: Barnes, Elias, and Charlie. Or if you want: two "Navy SEALs" and "The Rookie". And what about the "The Fourth Wise Man", lieutenant Wolfe? He just stayed home; he had caught a cold. Unfortunately, they had a car accident, cause Barnes drove at "Terminal Velocity"; and Elias was killed on the spot. Elias was victim of a "Shadow Conspiracy" as Barnes saw him as a rival and wanted to get rid of him. Barnes was a real bastard, he had no "Code of Conduct". Later, Charlie would kill Barnes who tried himself to kill him. He had listened carefully to the "Good Advice" from Elias, who told him to never trust Barnes. During his time in the army, Charlie was obsessed with Top Gun.

"I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

He thought it was more fun to be like Tom Cruise, flying high in the sky, than crawling in the mud in the jungle thousands of miles from home.

When he came back from the war he suffered Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This is when he became a TV addict: to cope with his PTSD, and to forget about the war.

"I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain."

That's not true. He cured his PTSD by watching television in excess.

"I got tiger blood, man. My brain...fires in a way that is - I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm."

His brain fires because of too much television watching. It's what happens to the brain when you never disconnect it, when it's permanently "plugged" to the TV set.

"You can't process me with a normal brain."

I think you can't process Charlie at all. Only Charlie can process Charlie.

"So, goodnight Charlie. You are more than a man. You are "Two and a Half Men!"


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