Ambivalent Relationship

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short conflict between love and hate towards my partner.

Submitted: August 20, 2017

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Submitted: August 20, 2017

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As the days passed I began losing interest in her, everything I once admired in her became the reason I distanced myself from her.

I once loved that humming voice she does when she’s reading a book, now it’s just like an emergency broadcast system sound I just can’t stand it; I remember also when her laugh brought joy to me, oh let’s not forget her voice, I wonder how can an angelic voice like hers can turn in my ears into a similar sound as nails on chalkboard!

See all this changes kept me awake for so many nights! HOW CAN WE HATE SOMEBODY FOR THE SAME REASONS THAT MADE US FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!?

All of this thinking led to one and only solution..Forcing her to hate me! Because you know when it becomes mutual I won’t feel bad about myself anymore.

So I started neglecting her, ignoring her calls, never paying attention to what she says but that didn’t change her at all!! so I decided to take this to the next level…I started seeing other girls, I come home late often with a mark of lipstick on the neck of my shirt on purpose for her to see what I’ve been doing late, I never cared less for a human being in my life like this!

In the process of making her hate me I literally hated myself like I felt disgusted with myself, you know ninety-nine girls would flee in the third day max, she was the hundredth, she would always greet me with her childish innocent angelic godlike smile!!! What did she do wrong in her life to end up with a douche like me? Better yet she started blaming herself; she thought she was doing something wrong that made me act like this.

My sleeping troubles have gotten worse, but this time I know exactly the reason why. Things didn’t change until she decided to confront me and only god knows how much I was afraid from this moment, what should I say? What answer can I give her? With all this dilemmas inside my head I finally understood what’s going on! What kind of man is afraid of losing a person he hates? I don’t hate her! I never hated her; I only hate the fact that I am terribly vulnerable to her; I’m just scared of the fact that she controls my feelings, I’m madly in love with her like I’ve always been!

With this astonishing discovery I started laughing uncontrollably like a fool!

_ I’m here asking you what the hell has gotten in to you these past weeks and all you can do is laugh? Are you drunk? She asked repeatedly.

_ Yes I am! I am drunk with your love darling, I said; let’s go dinner outside shall we?

 


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