Just words.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just words I wrote one night at 2 a.m. An insight to a young woman's unsettled mind after hours.

Submitted: August 21, 2017

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Submitted: August 21, 2017




It's dim and it's dark
Unpredictable truth
I'm back in the mind I 
Thought in my youth 
Obsessing again
Who can I be?
This girl I don't know
Or finally, me?




What pains me is that
I love my solitude.
I'm more in love with the idea
Of a happy me
Than the idea of me with
A happy you.




Where is all of this coming from?
It's 3 a.m. And I just keep 
Thinking things 
Feelings I freed myself from
Or was that a dream 
Just like the last one
Where I was happy 
And had fun
With someone.



I can't wait to see
This person I don't recognize
Though all a long it's been me
She's been there the whole time.
We take care of each other
But she cares more than me
I can't be around much longer
It's almost time that I leave
She's far more beautiful 
And more full of life
Though this didn't happen 
To her overnight.
She's growing so fast
I'm happy to see
But there's only room for one
And that one is not me. 




If it weren't for your existence
I would never know
My passion for writing 
And creating is so,
Not like it matters 
Cause you'll never know 
But I'll tell the universe
And be thankful 
For growth




 I went from wanting boyfriends 
To wanting book shelves
And not taking myself Seriously 
Cause I'm not a boy
To loving myself 
And my little girl mind
Or that's what I tell myself 
To help me get by
To stay motivated
To be motivating 
You don't always need 
To be able to plant seeds
To get something growing.



It's hardest to realize that
The person you've been with 
For five years 
Is not the same person you'd like
To spend the next with.
And you are constantly reminded 
By exciting things being thrown your way
In perfect timing
Because otherwise you'd never remember
Because at this point you're too numb
To the feeling.

I'm looking for my match.
I suggest you do the same.
And though I know it's not the man who 
Spotted me in a crowd of hundreds 
And stopped me to tell me I'm pretty
That's the prettiest Ive felt lately
Your words only graze me
And soon they'll barely brush my skin 





You played this sweet boy who was timid 
And what I thought I needed at 16
And I thought I was in love 
But I didn't even love myself at that age
I didn't even understand the love for
Family at that age.
And now I hate the way your leg falls on me
When you're asleep next to me way too early
And I hate feeling you look over my shoulder 
At what I'm doing on my phone
You're desperately trying to understand what's
Going on in my head 
Because I'm quiet for the first time in years
And you sense our days are numbered 
But it's half past too late. 

I now realize I am the beautiful person.
I endlessly  day dreamed  of a man 
Telling me I had a beautiful soul
But all along I needed to tell myself
Because a man will only tell you
Your outside is beautiful 
He is blinded by the shell you wear
If I didn't look so appealing
Would I still attract the likes of these
Same men.
Maybe if their eyes could open
Further than just to see my 
Straight teeth and that my hair isn't really 
But that the marks
On my face that arrange into a seven
Like god placed them there himself.
And that’s my opinion on me.
Because a man will never tell me that
He will tell me I'm simply beautiful 
Because that's what he's been 
Conditioned to say to someone 
Who's pretty.





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