Falling for My Crazy Stalker

This is a very interesting start. I'm curious to see where this goes.

Nice opening of the setting. The protagonist seems unfazed by the situation she is in. Keep up the great work.

*Rubbing hands and biting lips in anticipation*
Mystery? Check. Female lead? Check. Suspense? Check. Right now, I'm a fish on a hook, and I like it.

I don't know what to say about this. I quite like the opening scene...but everything seems so cliché. "You will die!" I don't know. If I were the girl I won't be intimidated in the slightest, too. I think it was to be expected. Perhaps it's better to take away what's most precious to her? I know that it sounds cliché, too, but it creates more interest because there are many possibilities what it might be. I don't know...perhaps that will ruin your plot or something. I'm just suggesting, that's all. And I think there are some parts you can unitalized to emphasize more. For example, the last part "This is not happening!". So, it can make the reader feel more connected to the character, like this was what she was thinking, not the narrator or sth. Do you know what I mean? And I think you can cut some words like "placed nearby". The chair, we know, has to be there or she wouldn't be able to sit on it, you know? And I think that the sentence "She seemed amused by the reply because she rolled her eyes" contradicts in on itself because I don't think people rolled their eyes when they're amused, but rather snicker or something like that. But overall, good job.

Intriguing. The setting and the tension between the characters is nice. The cliffhanger embedded in the body was good too. Definitely will continue reading

really interesting beginning of the novel. I like the protagonist, she is tough. i am looking forward to the rest of the novel.

It seems that we have a strong, sassy female lead in the making. It's an intriguing start of a story; the mystery is always a great hook. I'm curious about the number of people present as well?it hints at something big going on.

However, it would be a good idea to lower the number of pronouns. They tend to dominate the sentences and make the subjects difficult to identify (she felt her eyes on her, waiting to harm her...). This issue makes the reading feel a bit like a chore?forcing the reader to spend extra energy trying to decipher who is who. Your punctuation also needs some revising. Sometimes you add commas where a full stop is required; most of the time, you confuse actions as dialogue tags. Grammar aside, it seems like quite a promising start.

I hadn't seen this chapter before. I really think that the chapter I read the last time, was a better introduction for this story, since this one feels like it should occur later in the book! This feels like a totally different book, as a result!

Interesting start... You've presented a lot of questions to be answered here and the mysterious and dangerous atmosphere is well judged

looks interesting. good work.

Very interesting start, you keep you readers wanting more. Love it!!!

Nice.

I would agree with Rustica on the use of pronouns, I found it hard to connect with the characters as a result. It's difficult though because you want to keep the element of mystery. I love the idea that it takes nine men to guard her, it's a subtle detail that says a great deal.

Romance stories are not my thing but this has an interesting base of ideas, intrigue being foremost.

Really interesting and great story!

The beginning is very interesting, it really captures the reader. I'm intrigued to see where it goes.