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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 27, 2017

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Submitted: August 27, 2017



I love very strongly, i find a way to always trust a little to much and always the wrong people. I live on my own with no one to hold when the darkness hits. Sometimes it's at the simplest of times, when im sitting on my couch watching tv and sometimes its when the guy im talking to tells me I'm nothing once again. I'm a lost soul in the middle of a hurricane and as the wind starts to blow i continue to question whether or not i should move out of the way or just let it take me out. 

I feel so much that when the darkness hits it almost takes me out, its always difficult to breathe and the thoughts that run through my mind are terrifying. I'd rather be run down by a serial killer than be stuck in my mind for a long period of time. The pain in my chest grows stronger and stronger until i can't breathe and quite frankly i don't want to. Thats when i break and have to take another pill just to take a breath.

The pills make me feel numb, like i feel nothing whatsoever, and i don't want to feel anything but at the same time feeling nothing is the most terrifying thing i have experienced. I can be ready to jump thinking about what i could do to make it stop and then after one dose i am stone cold and have no feelings for anyone at all. 

The pills are terrifying i don't want to need them, i don't want to have to take them. I want to be able to be an emotional rollercoaster without having to take a pill to get through the night. i want to be normal and be able to feel without feeling so deeply and painfully, its embarrasing to have to have a crutch thats so strong i can't feel anymore. 

But, in complete honesty the pills are the only thing keeping me alive. 

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