September

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


Inspired by a change of seasons

Submitted: September 09, 2017

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Submitted: September 09, 2017

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Somehow it became September.

Seems like yesterday it was that luke warm wednsday night, the night in the middle of april. The night so much changed for me and then....

Somehow it became September.

Early on my cousin told me this summer would "suck".... she was right. when things go bad for me I always call one of three people.... either mom or steph or dawn, cousins, more like sisters really but that's what I do. And then

Somehow it became September.

Last night I tried to reflect on the summer, I tried to think of the fun things I did and I did find some fun memories but I remember that I was forcing myself to have fun, none of it feels genuine. I took my girls to the pool many times and it was great but it was forced, I went on many bike rides searching for happiness and enjoyed each one but it was forced and fake. Single handedly increased alcohol sales by 10% at my local liquor store and then

Somehow it became September.

I worked some, but mostly I just fake my way through each workday and pretend to do my job. I lost friends and tried making new ones with limited success. I sweated and repaired cars and bikes, became dad and a mom, grocery shopped alone, cooked dinner alone, went to the park alone.... in general I wrapped myself in a blanket of loathing. I got angry and destroyed things, I cursed a god I don't believe exists.... I survived by the love of a handful of people and then

Somehow it became September

I read 3 books, I lost weight, I lost the life I had, then drank some more and

somehow it became September.

Coffee and cigarettes by the back sliding door, the sun is trying to burn through the clouds outside.... I hope it does. I hope it makes it. The hurricane covered Fairfield with clouds and cold air and rain that fell like familiar tears and for 2 days I empathized with that environment.

I hope the sun burns through today, I hope it gets warm, I want to be the sun, I want to burn through, I hope this is not how it all ends just because....

somehow it became September.


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