Clinging to Redemption of the depths

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic


One Man an opportunity does he take it or not


Clinging to Redemption of the depths

By Royee

I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it. This is happening I can’t believe it happened to me. What should I do if it happens everything changes? I won’t be able to see anybody ever again I’ll be alone. I don’t know what I should do.

Life is boring I am doing the same thing day after day. What should I do for excitement? I can’t see anybody ever again from my old life. Something needs to change, anything needs to change. I can’t keep going like this. I just need to keep living.

Life is exciting I get to keep moving. I can do whatever I want with no consequences. What should I do next? Everything is fine I don’t need to do anything, worry about anything. I don’t want to stop doing this. Anything I want, everything I want, and anyone I want. I get it all. I must keep living. I will never stop.

Why? Why is my world collapsing around me? I can’t go to work anymore. I can’t see the same people anymore. I need something to change for the better. My friends aren’t my friends. They don’t stick by me when my life gets rough. I’m alone with nobody I care about around me. My relationships are all fake I don’t love anymore. I can’t love anymore everything I love will just be destroyed. Maybe? Probably?

Being me is amazing I can never stop. I see all my friends all the time. I can finally control what I’m in charge of. What should I do next? I feel like I have done everything possible. I should just keep going I’ll find something new. You always learn something new every day right? So I wonder what I can learn or maybe I can’t learn. I guess living is what I need to do. I have control I can do whatever I want. I have to keep moving.

I think I love her? Probably? Maybe? I’m not myself anymore though. She is someone something different. I’m someone different from before. I don’t feel like I have any control though. I think I’m okay though for the first time I feel alive. I think I can do this I must keep going though. For once I feel sane I feel like I can do anything. Also everything feels like it changed for the better. Though Maybe not? My experience is the worst thing in the world right now.

I love her though she thinks I don’t exist. Why is that? I control my life, I can do whatever I want but why does she act like I don’t exist. What do I need to do? At this rate I will go insane. I need something to change. I want something to change. Why won’t something change? I control my life I need something to change why won’t it.

I have to keep moving if something doesn’t work the next one might. I can do this I can forget the past and think of the present and be able to move on. I want to stop but I can’t I don’t. What I’m going to do it. No I won’t. I’m better I have to keep moving for the future I must see what will happen. I will never stop until my death I will persevere. For the present and the future but not the past. I must be myself.

I want to stop. Let me stop I can’t anymore. I need to be able to stop. Why can’t I? I guess I have to keep going with the wind. I just want to control my life again.  I feel like I’m nothing. I just want to feel alive again I just need this. I want to have consequences in my life again. I want to feel like I exist in people’s lives. I just need one thing, just one thing needs to change. Why does my world have to collapse while I’m still here?

Everything in my life is moving in the right direction but I can’t. My life has always been full of failures I need it to stop. I need to start failing again. That’s how I always lived,  that’s how I feel alive, that’s how I know I’m alive. This success is just causing me pain. I want to see the people I once knew, I want my boring life again, I her to come back to me. I want this pain to just stop.

Change just change! I want to feel alive. I want to be able to be in control of everything again. I want my existence to move in the right direction. That’s how I always was, always will be, and always want to be. I want no consequences, I want her to know I exist. I want to always be able to move. I want to meet different people. I just want this pain to stop.

This pain I just need it to end. I just want it to end. I can’t feel anything anymore it’s been so long. I want a release for the remainder of my existence. I just want this pain to leave me. Any possible way will help. I just want to feel alive again. How do you even know if you’re alive? I need to stop being alive. Am I even alive? I can’t feel anything in my life. I want this stop. Just stop!


Submitted: September 17, 2017

© Copyright 2020 Royee. All rights reserved.

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