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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 22, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 22, 2017




I sit here looking down at my hands.
I dont realise till the last minute the skin under my nails from where i scratch it.
Trying furiously to control my mind and its effort.
Trying to so hard to find comfort in the sofa in wich i sit.
I try to ignore the pit in my stomach my uncomfortable sand-paper throat and my muscles flexing.
Grinding my teeth in my effort, i worry i look like a depressive.

You still dont seem to get how this all is.
Not knowing whats real and whats not.
Trying to understand what are my thoughts and what are not.
Am i really so shitty or is it just me, am i an asshole on top of everything?
Filling my ego with all this empathy, craving the evil residing inside me?
Kill this part of me scratching, my wall slowly detaching.
I could stay in this garden for a while then see myself in a puddle and run back to my damned castle.
Keep me here just for a while, with a bunch of pointless coffufle.
Help me breath so tell me im wrong, a whole bunch of shit that im doing wrong.

Im sad ive changed yet still seem the same.
Still i see myself unworthy to that standard as if im odd, not the standard.
My singing seems like sand in my ears and my drawings never come easy.
Ive always seemed to be just okay, never enough to be so great.
Im angry at you and im angry at me, sometimes i dont know who to blame.

Sometimes you change my mind, give me a moment when i think im okay.
What happened to the impact i thought i had made.
Sitting here tight like an unmoving rock, my back feels wipped by my own hate in my stock.
I have a constant itch that i can not scratch, matter how much i try i can not relax.

I really hope the courage behind the skin of my knails doesnt show so.
I want it to seem easy and to be a flow.
I hope for the best and not for the game.
You told me you wanted me thats why i stay.
If you want me for more then i am, dont bother to come.
You get what i have, not what i want.
Through my courage i still think to try .
The reason im here, im here for you all.
The best part of me is you.
I hope this all isnt just pointless is all.

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