I'm hungry

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[Warning: You may find this piece offensive in multiple ways even though my opinions are not directed towards anyone. Please understand that I am opening up with my deepest thoughts that I rarely
share to strangers.]



The struggle of not being able to eat is painful. It is tremendously simple yet incredibly complex. I bet this school of thoughts usually only occurs in the mind of girl. Every typical girl would
want to look slim, pretty, healthy, vivacious and so on. Every typical Asian girl would want to look like those K-Pop idols with bright white skin, a slim pair of thighs with abnormally long legs.
Every typical American girl would want to be a little more tanned, to not be so pale, to look sporty with toned and lean legs. I am not being biased by any means but I’m sharing my experiences
being an Asian, studying abroad in the U.S and having a chance to interact with different types of girls, in general. Of course, a lot of people are satisfied with their appearance, whether because
they are already beautiful in others’ eyes, or in their own eyes. On the other hand, a lot of people want to be someone that is their ideal type in their heads. That is reasonable. Everybody has
the right to think whatever they want, as long as they are respectful to others, isn’t that true?



“Love yourself” is not an easy thing to do. We do try hard to change, to look better, to think better, to feel better, and to be happier and more satisfied. However, conflict is a must. God or
whoever with a higher power do not give you whatever you want, even though some may have an easier life since they have more of what they want without having to try so hard.



Let’s get back to the main point. It’s simple. I want to eat, I crave to eat and all I can think of is those pizza, chicken strips, alfredo sauce and cookies. I hopelessly want to eat. But I feel
like I am overweight. And yes, many people tell me that I am not, but I do not feel beautiful. I do not feel like I have managed to look like who I want to be. I feel like I could have been much
prettier with a slimmer pair of thighs, with a little longer pair of legs and smoother, brighter skin. I once wanted to look like those Korean stars on TV. But I came to lower my standard, just
wanting to have toned legs and facial skin without acnes. Still, it seems to be an impossible task. I exercise almost daily, running more than I’m capable of, pushing my limits, breathing harshly,
hurting my legs. I try to reduce the amount of junk food I eat. Chicken, sweet potato and broccoli are the three only thing I eat for lunch and dinner. But for God sake!! I am a human, I get
hungry. I do want to eat a donut! I do want to eat a piece of pizza! I do want to enjoy that cookie! And instead I have to turn away from them, trying my best to pack up my constantly empty stomach
with yoghurt or banana. Well you may think I’m crazy because it does not seem like I should be hungry since that is still a lot for someone on a diet, or trying to lose weight. Is that true? Not to
mention how I tell myself that I could have a cheat day, or more than just one day, and later on I could work out to burn those calories off. I just later feel like I’m a thousands step further
from the ideal type I want to be in my head. Does it have to be that difficult and frustrating?

Submitted: September 25, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 25, 2017

A A A

A A A


[Warning: You may find this piece offensive in multiple ways even though my opinions are not directed towards anyone. Please understand that I am opening up with my deepest thoughts that I rarely share to strangers.]

 

The struggle of not being able to eat is painful. It is tremendously simple yet incredibly complex. I bet this school of thoughts usually only occurs in the mind of girl. Every typical girl would want to look slim, pretty, healthy, vivacious and so on. Every typical Asian girl would want to look like those K-Pop idols with bright white skin, a slim pair of thighs with abnormally long legs. Every typical American girl would want to be a little more tanned, to not be so pale, to look sporty with toned and lean legs. I am not being biased by any means but I’m sharing my experiences being an Asian, studying abroad in the U.S and having a chance to interact with different types of girls, in general. Of course, a lot of people are satisfied with their appearance, whether because they are already beautiful in others’ eyes, or in their own eyes. On the other hand, a lot of people want to be someone that is their ideal type in their heads. That is reasonable. Everybody has the right to think whatever they want, as long as they are respectful to others, isn’t that true?

 

“Love yourself” is not an easy thing to do. We do try hard to change, to look better, to think better, to feel better, and to be happier and more satisfied. However, conflict is a must. God or whoever with a higher power do not give you whatever you want, even though some may have an easier life since they have more of what they want without having to try so hard.

 

Let’s get back to the main point. It’s simple. I want to eat, I crave to eat and all I can think of is those pizza, chicken strips, alfredo sauce and cookies. I hopelessly want to eat. But I feel like I am overweight. And yes, many people tell me that I am not, but I do not feel beautiful. I do not feel like I have managed to look like who I want to be. I feel like I could have been much prettier with a slimmer pair of thighs, with a little longer pair of legs and smoother, brighter skin. I once wanted to look like those Korean stars on TV. But I came to lower my standard, just wanting to have toned legs and facial skin without acnes. Still, it seems to be an impossible task. I exercise almost daily, running more than I’m capable of, pushing my limits, breathing harshly, hurting my legs. I try to reduce the amount of junk food I eat. Chicken, sweet potato and broccoli are the three only thing I eat for lunch and dinner. But for God sake!! I am a human, I get hungry. I do want to eat a donut! I do want to eat a piece of pizza! I do want to enjoy that cookie! And instead I have to turn away from them, trying my best to pack up my constantly empty stomach with yoghurt or banana. Well you may think I’m crazy because it does not seem like I should be hungry since that is still a lot for someone on a diet, or trying to lose weight. Is that true? Not to mention how I tell myself that I could have a cheat day, or more than just one day, and later on I could work out to burn those calories off. I just later feel like I’m a thousands step further from the ideal type I want to be in my head. Does it have to be that difficult and frustrating?

 


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