Finding The Net

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


Feelings of a man who has lost everything he needed and ever wanted, to be loved and have people to talk to.

Submitted: September 28, 2017

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Submitted: September 28, 2017

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Everything changed after that moment. When I looked in her eyes I could only see her and nothing else existed, it was something that felt like it would last forever. I couldn't imagine life without her in my arms and close to me. The way she looked at me was what I always wanted in life, to have someone look at me. My family was small, but I needed someone to talk to, to share what I was feeling and how to deal with it. My mum was with her new boyfriend who you couldn't tell he was joking or not. My sister was out of the house and living with her partner. She and my mum had a blow out and then she left and of course needed someone around and of course the boyfriend stepped up to the part. That made me alone and not a single person to share anything with.

Then came the 2 weeks of my life which was taken from me so quick that I couldn't understand what happened and what I did. She tried to get rid of me, but I never knew what was going on, because I was in love and nothing else mattered. I think she tried everything. Then came the night were I was waiting for her to come to me, but she went to a party and a guy sent me an image of her kissing another man.. I was broken, couldn't breath. I smoked about 40 cigarettes and didn't sleep a wink. She came round the next morning, and that was it... She didn't want me...she had many of reasons but they never made sense to me.

1 week later after having friends around me because being alone was never a good thing. I found out very quickly that she was seeing one of my friends, behind my back. But she never said she cheated on me, but I never believed her, that was too quick. My heart was no more, I couldn't feel much of anything.

Taking my own life was a massive option, one of the highest. But I was talked down by a good friend of mine.. I wish I could explain the feeling, I couldn't look straight, everything was backwards and the world was such a lonely place to me. I struggles to breath or even bring a cigarette to my face... I wanted her back and would have done anything to have her in my arms again.

I was sitting by the sea, trying to get my thoughts together. Trying to understand why this had happened to me. And having questions like was it my fault. Then seeing them around a lot, holding hands and him being in the position that I wanted... Having my friends be around them and having them hate me for some reason... I was alone, and this was something I would have to get use too... There was a hole in my heart and a hole in my life.. People should always have someone to talk to, just to get out what they were thinking... I had no one..... The net has been casted, and for the rest of my life I will end up dragging all the messy past behind me, wherever I went...

Questions dig into my mind everyday now, I could never be the strong confident person I was. I will never get that back, drugs were my only friend, they helped my blank out my pain. And so the future was bleak and no love was ever to come... Or will it......

 


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