Fade to White: Origins

Reads: 7635  | Likes: 17  | Shelves: 8  | Comments: 17

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

[Cover done by https://www.booksie.com/users/gummyoverdose-213498]
The first entry of six in Fade to White.

The golden glow of the sun, the faint warmth carried along by the breeze. The aging leaves shower the land in red and orange. Autumn has arrived, Winter not far behind. The season which ends the cycle also sets the foundation for a new story to arise.
-

Shirou Caliburn; a simple man, farmhand and son of Percival Caliburn. Through a chance encounter the following series of events reveals a shocking truth, sending him on a journey to discover the truth of his past across Silvania and Alfheim.

Table of Contents

Dreams

  Chapter 1: Dreams “Good night, father...” Said a male as a door opens moments afterwards. The male ente... Read Chapter

Request

Chapter 2: Request    As the two approached the town, they found the town’s greeting sign, of which it read... Read Chapter

Revelation

Chapter 3: Revelation   “Come on now, kid. You can’t tell us you seriously don’t remember. You were a powerful threat,... Read Chapter

Truth

Chapter 4: Truth Shirou woke with a start in a bed, as he jolted upward and looked around, coming to the strange conclusion that he w... Read Chapter

Meeting

Chapter 5: Meeting 2 weeks had passed since Shirou embarked on his journey to find his mother. After chasing several leads, Shirou ev... Read Chapter

Shadows

Chapter 6: Shadows He awoke from his sleep to find that Lycana was nowhere to be seen, so he went outside to look for her, but to no ... Read Chapter

Darkening

  Chapter 7: Darkening Shirou, now having transformed into Darkening,  looked over at Klaus with cold, glowing red ey... Read Chapter

Tranquility


For reference, the greek translation of tranquility is ataraxia.
Read Chapter

Ascension

Chapter 9: Ascension Shirou looked down, a little embarrassed as he wasn’t sure if he should ask, but he said, “...Well, to be ... Read Chapter

The Forest of the Vampires

Chapter 10: The Forest of the Vampires Five and a half years passed since that day, and through that time Shirou had trained in his... Read Chapter

Nosferatu, The Vampire King


Things are picking up~


Phew, 12 re-edited chapters. This little note is thanks for all of you who have taken the time to look at this book, 111. Wow. Never thought I'd get this many.


Anyways, Enjoy chapter 12! The two biggest chapters of the story will be coming next, so watch closely!
Read Chapter

Conflict, Part 1


It's Here~ ! This was, by far, my favorite chapter to write and edit. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did
Read Chapter

Conflict, Part 2

Chapter 14: Conflict {Part II} Nosferatu watched in awe as he saw the transformation right before his eyes. The power increase far ... Read Chapter

Departure


After a long time editing this... Here is Chapter 15!


Second Edit Note: GAHHH! I HATE THE FORMATTING FAILURES HERE. It says Second Edit, because as of writing this, i will have tried to fix the formatting issues twice now.
Read Chapter

Skógur, The City in the Forest


Here is the 16th Chapter! We're in the final stretch!
Read Chapter

The Story of the Holy Armaments


This one didn't need many edits that I could see, and it is kinda short
Read Chapter

Remembering What I Said


Two more to go...


God, I am so tired...
Read Chapter

Return to the Wolves' Nest


So close to 300 reads!


Here is chapter 19 of Fade to White, the chapter before the finale of Origins.


As a hint, I'll give you the chapter title. Chapter 20: Disaster.


Have a nice day~!
Read Chapter

Disaster


Here it is... The final chapter for book 1.


I hope you all have enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed editing it for you
Read Chapter

Excerpt from Book II


Here's a little part from book II. I haven't had time to polish it, so when I get to it, it'll be much better
Read Chapter


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Recent Comments

Jake J. Harrison

Hi Theron,

I'm a fan of a good fantasy story and yours has many of the elements I love. The paragraphs need some work as I've pointed out. But you do a good job of stating to introduce us to the main character, Shirou. I'd like a better demonstration of his power in the first chapter but this isn't bad. Still, I don't understand why he was no nice to the thief. Is she pretty? If anything, she seems a bit strange with horns on her head. Almost demonic.

Good start.

Thu, October 19th, 2017 8:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. I'm sorry that i have been rather quiet these past few days, but I will be trying to post 15 today

Thu, October 26th, 2017 9:21am

Kathrina Csernis

So, I enjoyed the start to this, its really creative ad descriptive, I love the imagery you can create. I like the introduction you have of Shirou, its a good start for character development and I want to know more about him, so I'll be reading on haha I liked the description of the thief as well, having horns, she could be a demon or succubus or something like that? I look forward to finding out exactly.

Nice chapter, I'll be back to read more shortly

Mon, November 20th, 2017 1:41pm

strata1x

Fri, December 1st, 2017 3:00am

strata1x

Hello Allen Darkmyst,

I will try to keep this feedback focused on the main concept and execution (though I will comment on some technical stuff too)

1. There's a lot of repetition going on with some words. In the world of programming, if you find yourself using the same thing, it means you could be doing things better. In the world of writing, at least for novels, it works the same. You don't necessarily to pop a thesaurus to find the right words- just gotta try to present things differently

2. I found myself confused at the beginning when we are introduced to the dream world. You make a lot of "he" mentions and it's hard to keep up without asking "who?". It's ok to postpone the main character's name, but find a way to make identifying characters more easily. Going back to point #1. If you find yourself repeating words, you could do things differently. This can be seen throughout the chapter, not just the beginning

3. I am a big fan of normal reactions. in specific, ones that we as human beings would display in certain situations. When the main character's money gets stolen and he chases after the culprit. That's normal. When he tackles the culprit and goes "oh you're a girl and I hurt your leg? np" That's not normal unless he's a very desperate and lonely dude, especially if they end up nice and dandy after a short chat. Make the character more reluctant to healing her or something. This is just personal opinion of course

4. I left the technical feedback out on purpose simply because it all amounts to a few things.
a. Work on your sentences. Too many run-on sentences
b. Work on your paragraphs. I saw a big wall of text that can probably be split in a couple paragraphs
c. Grammar is not everyone's forte. But you should still improve on it. It can never hurt you. It will only make your sentences and paragraphs flow smoothly

So

With that out of the way. I think my main highlight to work on is repetition. There's so many "he"s. Positives- I think you developed a good chapter conceptually. You introduced the main character, gave us a little background on him, provided a good setting, and left us with a little mystery related to the dream.

Best,

Zane

Fri, December 1st, 2017 3:36am

S. Rasmussen

Some editing needed here. A little bit on grammar, a bunch on paragraph structure

Also, I think first perspective would be better here. There is simply something first-person-ish about this. Also, I get a bit confused by who is talking when there a two male characters that is only referred to as male. I was a bit confused over all, but that is to be expected when you begin to read a new story

On the positive side, it was a cool dream thing

Ok, speculation: The thief is his lost mother. His father things she is dead

Thu, April 26th, 2018 6:44pm

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