Missing You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Review Chain


This is a short story for the Review Chain Contest. It is just a girl writing an entry in to a diary trying to get all of the bad feelings out to help her go back to sleep.


Rosaline sits in her room laying down on her pink and black sheets that cover her bed. She leans against her black pillows that have neon pink roses printed on them. Her hazel eyes are looking at a blank white page of her bright pink diary. She puts her light-brown hair in to a messy bun. She thinks of the things that she has gone through lately. It doesn’t take long to think of what she wants to put down. Then, she puts pen to paper. 

 
‘Dearest Diary, 
Life has been really tough lately. I have been in a morose mood. I feel as if I have missing and losing way to many things in my life: people, animals, and just things in general. I recently lost a beloved dog who was fifteen years old. He would have been fifteen and half years old this month if he had lived one more month. I saw it coming but it was still such a shock at the time. I see his son, Spottle and my heart hurts a little. He is the spitting image of his father.
 
Thinking about that made me think of a lost that isn’t recent but still touches my heart. My cat, Muffin. His death was shock and completely unexpected. He was in the prime of his life and his death is still a mystery to me. He drowned in a pool. It was at least four feet tall. I have no idea how he got in. I just hope it was quick.  On my nightstand, I have a picture of him so if I want to I can look and remember his smiling face. I had a dream not to long after he passed that he visited me. After that, I felt that he is always going to watch over me. I hope that wherever my animals (all of them that have passed away thus far) are in a better place and are waiting for me to join them. 
 
There are so many people that I miss that are dead and alive. I will start with the ones who have passed on to afterlife. I know that people die every day and whether or not you know them well or not it hurts a little bit. I think that I have become so accustomed to death that I’m become a little apathetic. It isn’t that I’m not sad for losing family. I don’t know what it is. I can’t explain it. I just don’t feel very sad nor do I cry. It could be that I wasn’t very close to that person or something else entirely. I don’t think I will ever know really. I will always miss them though.
 
I remember my great uncle’s funeral. He was a great man. I wish I had known him a little bit longer though but I am grateful for the time that I had with him. I am also glad that my family spent time with him and whenever we went out to eat on the weekend, whether it was Saturday or Sunday depending on the day my father got off, he was invited. My eyes get teary thinking of things like that and names rush in to my mind of people of lost. I hope to one day when it’s my time, hopefully that years and years away, that I join them and can hug them once more. 
 
For the people that are still among the living. It is mostly people I rarely see and wish that I could. It hurts whether they are purposefully or not purposefully ignoring me. They are friends that I was once close to but they are now going on their own separate journeys that I can not follow down. It hurts. It feels as though I am no longer needed or important. I know I am silly to say this but this is how I feel. I love so much and maybe it’s a curse sometimes. I am a very loving person. It’s one of my greatest assets. Although it has become quite a curse lately. I don’t have to talk to them every day but every once in a while it would be nice to hear from them. I just want to know how they are doing, what new stuff is going on in their life, or even if they want to try to hang out.
 
I know that our world today is so fast paced, you can go crazy trying to juggle all the things that you may need to do in life, and I understand that. What I don’t understand is why someone can’t say hi and how they are doing. I just want to hear from you. That ended up sounding like a rant but oh well. Again, that’s how I feel and think. It can cause me to be overflowed with anxiety, depression, and stress. I just wish I could talk to, see, and know how people are doing. I do have people I can count on to keep me grounded but even those people I barely see. The only real constant is my family. I barely get to see my boyfriend which really hurts. I talk to him through email. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. 
 
The other things that I want to talk about in general is my anxiety, depression, and stress. I can let them get the best of me. I can think of one such instance that happened just this morning. I went to sleep late which is never good for me. It let my mind wander being sleep- and food- deprived. I remember closing my eyes and falling in to a restless sleep. An outer body experience pulled me in. I felt a throbbing headache, as if creatures were inside my room like hobgoblins, and like I could not breathe very well. Yes, the first thing I though of when I woke up was hobgoblins. I think I am playing my online D&D game too much. I woke up with a start looking all around me. That’s what happens when your imagination goes wild, anxiety, and not going to sleep at a better time. 
 
Too many things happening that are out of my control like my outer body experience dream for example and life in general. I feel as though I’m spiraling out of control. I don’t know what else to say. I think I got what I needed out for now. I’m sure I will write again soon. 
Sincerely, Rosaline'
 
She closes the diary feeling a little bit better than before and satisfied.  She gets up for a moment and  places it on her wooden nightstand. She gets back in to bed and pulls a blanket over herself. She lays her head down on one of her pillows, closes her eyes, and falls back to sleep in a matter of minutes at 4:53 a.m. 
 
Word Count: 1,182 


Submitted: October 14, 2017

© Copyright 2021 Sylvermyst. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Wyn

You might want to go back and do a little more proof-reading, you left some things out like words and commas. Also, break up the paragraphs a little bit more. You have everything stacked up on top of each other like that and especially with so much italics, it gets really straining to read. Also, lines like "my tears get teary" make you do a double take. You also struggle with maintaining past tense and present tense. You need to pick one but In a diary it should all be past tense. I pointed some things out with the highlight but read the whole thing again. The story itself is decent though.

Sun, October 15th, 2017 1:46pm

Author
Reply

I plan to do that. I wanted it submitted for the contest though. It doesn't have to be perfect.

Mon, October 16th, 2017 5:01am

JW

I quite enjoyed this, one bit in particular was where Rosaline was talking about how she'd become somewhat apathetic to death. I can actually relate to this fairly well. A couple of years back I went to three funerals within weeks of each other. I wasn't exactly 'close' to those who died, but I knew them, and they were lovely people. Yet, I didn't really feel... anything. Mostly just a bit of disbelief since two of the deaths were extremely sudden and without warning, but otherwise not much, which kinda disturbed me. So, for me, it was nice to see this feeling expressed here — I don't feel like such a stone anymore.

Being nitpicky, the only issues I could find are some typos, and maybe in the last paragraph — you've got four sentences in a row that start with 'she'. Some could find this slightly jarring. One more thing, I enjoyed how the last sentence revealed to the reader that she had woken up and written this in the middle of the night (technically morning, but you know what I mean) Maybe instead of telling the reader that it's 4:53 a.m., maybe say the last thing she saw before closing her eyes was the time on the clock? But once again, this is me being nitpicky. I've become one of those "show, don't tell" people, lol.

Great job on your entry! :)

Wed, October 18th, 2017 12:34am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the read and comment. I am glad that you enjoyed my entry. I got quite annoyed with Booksie because I was trying to edit the spacing. Long story short almost pulled it. Also these are based on the things that happen in my life. . . so, I'm glad that there is someone else like me that gets apathetic because of funerals. It feels weird saying that but oh well. I'll try to go back and edit (depending on Booksie that is).

Tue, October 17th, 2017 6:45pm

Greythereadaholic

I think this is an interesting idea although it could have been better executed. The vocabulary and phrasing feel far too formal and old for a teen girl. I'm also kind of confused at what the whole point to the story was. I know that it was Rosaline writing in her journal, but she keeps saying how all these deaths have changed her and made her "apathetic". She mentions a dog dying of old age, a cat drowning, and a great-uncle dying that she may or may not have been close to. None of those seem to be really life shattering deaths that she couldn't move past after some time. Also, she then switches to talking about how nobody pays attention to her? I didn't really get that. The last thing I'm going to be critical on is the amount of adjectives in the third person parts. It's overkill to put it bluntly.

With that all out, I do have to admit that I can relate to Rosaline's diary entry. However, storywise, I'm not sure it quite works. Maybe some revision could help to get a more central idea and to give Rosaline a more realistic voice.

Fri, November 3rd, 2017 9:29pm

Author
Reply

I'm glad that you read and commented. I wrote the journal entry as I would. Sometimes I can be weird and switch between things really fast. The things that I wrote about actually did happen to me. I write from my emotions and things that happen to me. I know it needs work but at the same time terrified to edit because the last thing I tried to edit on Booksie. Sentences and words were missing. I may try to edit when I have time and energy but I will have to transfer it from Booksie to a word document.

Fri, November 3rd, 2017 9:08pm

Maia Stone

Sylvermyst,

I like books or stories with journal entries in them like 'Perks of Being A Wallflower' or Anne Frank's diary. Your journal entry felt very real to me. She just purged on the pages and talked about the first thing that came to mind from mundane things to the deeper emotions that she's feeling. Great job!

Sat, November 4th, 2017 9:09am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the read and comment. I'm glad that you enjoyed my short story. I like to base things like the diary entry after my own experiences and emotions. I'm glad that you felt very real to you. Thanks.

Sat, November 4th, 2017 8:16pm

Harris Proctor

Sylvermyst-

I completely relate to Rosaline. When I was 15, my great-uncle (and godfather) died. His was just one of several losses my family went through at that time. I think most teenagers are vulnerable to feelings of apathy and misanthropy at that stage of life. Wrestling with the pain of loss, struggling with forces out of one's control- these challenge everyone at some point. There is a unique tone to our struggles when they happen on that cusp between childhood and adulthood.

There are more than a few spelling/grammatical errors. I think it works in a way. This is a kid pouring their guts out in a journal. I think the errors lend a bit of realism. I do think you could build it up a little, though. Weave a tale with your revelations. Sometimes it felt like confusion at parochial school. Checking off boxes. I think you might consider a story that is slowly revealed through your character's introspection. Just a thought.

Well done! Good luck :)

H.P.

Mon, November 6th, 2017 7:42pm

Author
Reply

Hello Harris Proctor,
I want to thank you for your comment and read. I'm glad you can relate to my short story and journal. As with all of my stories, novels, and poems I put a little bit of myself in it. The events in the journal are my own that I've had to face. I know it needs work but sadly I haven't found time between lack of energy and work. I hope to find a day to go through my stories and i-comments are edit. Yeah, I can be awful with spelling and grammatical errors. It would help if you point them out for me.
Again thank you for giving my short story a read, comment, and encouragement.
~Sylvermyst

Wed, November 8th, 2017 9:06pm

Archia

I really enjoyed this, and I loved seeing the emotions within this. I think it's something which a lot of people, including myself can relate to, espeially when going through hard times.
Diary entries don't have to be perfect; when someone's writing a diary entry they're not thinking about whether something sounds good or keeps up the proper tense. There's no reason why a diary should have to stay in past tense, otherwise it couldn't touch on current feelings or the future. What I liked about this was that it didn't just touch on things that have happened but that it also brought in current emotions and thoughts, I think it brought a lot more depth to this. It was great to read.

Fri, December 1st, 2017 5:46am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the read and comment, Archia. I'm glad that you enjoyed my story.

Sat, December 2nd, 2017 8:40pm

Pimpom

I like the writing. Although you do mention the word “curse” twice in back to back sentences so it sounds repetitive. Try replacing the first on with a synonym or something and I think it will be really good.

Fri, December 29th, 2017 3:17pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for the read and comment.

Fri, December 29th, 2017 4:04pm

Spyguy

Sleep well little Princess! You are an amazing talent, & storyteller & I do believe you would love my “Dominate You...” story, I also feel it will help you greatly if you realize it isn’t JUST a story!

Wed, June 6th, 2018 11:21am

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading and commenting. I try to do my best when I write and I appreciate comments that cheer me on. Thank you.

Thu, June 7th, 2018 4:51pm

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