My Red Pill Story

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is an in-progress memoir about my experiences in the political realm over the last year. Mostly just journaling, but also curious if anyone else can relate to my experiences.

Submitted: October 14, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: October 14, 2017



Since being red-pilled, I’ve been somewhat skeptical of the right-wing narrative that Leftists are all easily offended, overly emotional, in constant need of safe-spaces, close-minded, and happy to exist in a bubble of misinformation, not to mention extremely intolerant of anyone with a different opinion from them. I had certainly witnessed it from time to time, but I still thought that it was simply anecdotal and that the Right was kind of blowing it out of proportion. Perhaps this is because I was on the left up until very recently.


I voted for Obama. I was pro-choice. I would share those memes on Facebook about A Room Full of Old White Guys Making Decisions About My Body. You know the one. During the 8 years that Obama was President, I never heard one negative thing about him. The Bubble is real, folks. I tend to separate “Liberal” and “Leftist”, though. They are not synonymous with each other. I know a lot of Liberals who are perfectly rational people. Leftists, on the other hand, are not rational. Not at all. Leftists are full-blown Social Justice Warriors. They are the ones who believe that Trump is literally Hitler, that if you don’t subscribe to the alarmist global warming narrative, you are a “science denier”. Leftists believe that words are violence, that hate speech is not free speech, that safe-spaces are a necessity, and that modern women, along with minorities in America are oppressed.


I don’t know that I was ever truly a Leftist, though. I didn’t pay any attention to the feminist movement or BLM. I guess I felt that activism was something that inconsequential 20-year-old hippies did. I still kind of think that. I remember hearing about Occupy Wall Street. I actually tried to look into it, I was curious about what that was all about. But when I turned on the TV and just saw a bunch of grimy hippies camped out in tents and banging on bongos, I lost interest. I didn’t really pay attention to anything related to politics. It was all a little over my head. Perhaps that’s because we had a democratic Black President. Nothing to complain about. Life was good for superficial progressives like me. It wasn’t until the campaign of 2016 that my perspective started changing and I feel like I started waking up. Since then,  I have personally experienced so many instances of the aforementioned Leftist characteristics and behaviors that it is absolutely undeniable to me now.


Out of ignorance and fear comes judgment and division.

I can’t really pinpoint an exact event that was my red pill. It happened gradually over a period of time. My husband definitely had something to do with it. He and I met almost 10 years ago and both considered ourselves Liberals, Progressives, Democrats, whatever you want to call it. He was a bartender at a private gay club and our entire social circle consisted of that type of crowd. Gays, lesbians, fag hags, trannies, and lots and lots of drinking.  After we officially got together, about two years after we met, he was no longer bartending there, but we would still go at least once a week for happy hour, and at least once or twice a month to go dancing at night. It was kind of like the Cheers bar. Everybody knows your name. That type of thing. It was a very close-knit group of people. He actually proposed to me in that bar. I’d like to say that those people were like family, but in reality, the relationships we forged there were superficial, though I didn’t realize it at the time, or maybe I was in denial about it. Four years later we got married, and things slowly started to change. A married straight couple was a little taboo for them, I think. We didn’t really fit in anymore, maybe we never did. Or maybe society was changing. Things weren’t always as divided as they are now. We stopped getting invited to get-togethers, they stopped showing up to our get-togethers. We started making new friends, mostly people from work, mostly other couples, and our social circle changed. Eventually, we stopped going to the gay bar altogether. It just wasn’t an environment conducive to our lifestyle anymore. We had settled down.


I know that it is perfectly normal for a married couple to drift away from their single friends once they settle down, but this particular instance is different. I honestly don’t think that a straight white guy would be able to get a job at a private gay club nowadays, and I don’t think that a straight couple would be so openly accepted there anymore. Maybe I just think that because of my new found ideology, which ensures that I won’t fit into any of the places that I used to. Or maybe it’s because I commented on one of my old gay friend’s posts recently and instead of having a civil conversation with me, he told me, “if you post one more privileged straight white girl comment on my page , I'm gonna block you. You don't know our life. Peace.” A few years ago, this guy was my friend, and “privileged straight white girl” wasn’t even a thing.


Violence doesn't solve anything

Over the next couple of years, my husband had started really getting into what I thought were crazy conspiracy theories relating to politics and society. He watched a lot of YouTube videos about that stuff. It was always kind of his thing, though. I never watched them with him, and he never really shared any of his findings with me. In fact, he would turn off whatever video he was watching if I came into the room. I think it was because he didn’t want me to think that he was crazy. Or perhaps it was because he was just starting his red pill journey and was still educating himself and he wasn’t ready to try and explain it or defend it. I actually worried for a minute there that he was subjecting himself to some sort of brainwashing. I didn’t think it was good for him to be watching all that stuff, whatever it was.


Like I said before, I don’t remember exactly when I started coming around to his point of view, but the presidential campaign of 2016 definitely spring-boarded it. Toward the middle of the year, Trump was at the forefront of the news every day. It was mass hysteria. I would tell my husband, “They’re saying this about Trump, or that about Trump,” and he would simply reply, “That’s not true.” With Trump being such a hot topic, I decided to look into it myself, so as to not be out of the loop. I think my husband started sharing some of his sources with me at that point. I watched a YouTube video where a right-wing journalist, probably from The Rebel, or something like that,  was interviewing some Trump protesters. He was asking them why they were protesting Trump. “Because he’s a racist!” they would shout. The journalist would then ask them, “What has he said or done that’s racist?” Sometimes they would have a specific answer, which the journalist was always able to contradict or prove wrong, but most of the time they were like, “he just is!” and they would have this absolutely shocked expression, like, how could you not think he’s a racist? Everyone does! There’s that bubble again. Then things started getting violent.


I saw videos of protesters physically attacking Trump supporters as they came out of his rallies. People being followed to their cars, beaten bloody, quickly getting in and speeding off as these thugs tried to smash their windows or block their way. I saw people burning the American flag. Everyone was freaking out. At this point I still considered myself a democrat, but I found myself losing the connection with my party more and more. I don’t condone violence, especially toward a complete stranger who you actually know nothing about, and especially for his political association. Pure madness. I saw no attempt from the Left to understand folks on the Right, and I felt major hostility from the Left simply because I was trying to understand them. “Don’t ask questions. Just agree with us, or get punched.”


I guess I can relate to their frame of mind a little. In the past, I never really gave a second thought about the Right either. Conservatives were old-fashioned, religious bigots who needed to get with the times. I didn’t spend one single second listening to them or trying to understand them. To me, they were just some ambiguous, quiet minority of people who were easy to ignore. They didn’t matter. With Trump in the picture, though, suddenly they did matter, and I chose to start  listening to them rather than fight them. Oh, the things you learn when you listen.


Think for yourself

I still don’t know where I fit in as far as political associations go. I don’t consider myself conservative or republican, but I’m definitely not a democrat anymore. I just say that I’m a non-Leftist. I’m still iffy about Trump. I think he’s kind of an idiot, he misspeaks all the time, he’s kind of hostile, and, like all powerful men, he’s kind of a sleazebag. Powerful men attract slutty women, and I think that dynamic changes those men’s perspective on women to a degree. That being said, I don’t think that he’s some kind of sexual predator, rapist, or misogynist. He’s just your standard, run-of-the-mill, rich and powerful guy who loves beautiful women. I don’t think that he’s racist or a white supremacist, and I also haven’t seen one single action taken by him to suggest that he’s a fascist, totalitarian leader likened unto Hitler.


At first I spent a lot of energy trying to hide my newly-found identity as a non-Leftist. On social media I kept my comments vague and simply asked questions so as to invoke a different thought process in my friends. In real life I pretty much kept my mouth shut when my friends talked about politics. I think this is because it starting becoming a thing to disown your friends if they supported Trump. I  starting seeing more and more angry posts on social media, stating that if you do not absolutely HATE Trump and think that he is the worst human being ever to live, then unfriend me right now. The election was actually ending friendships. One day I made a post about this. I said:

Congratulations. You've been manipulated and have allowed the corrupt mainstream media to affect your personal relationships. A divided society is a weak society. The weak are prey to the powerful. Judge individuals on what you have personally experienced from them, not on what the media is manipulating you to do. You are my friend because I know you to be a good person. If you were tolerant of hate and bigotry, or a sexist, or a racist, I would have known that by now and ended our friendship a long time ago, on my own, without pressure from social media to do so.

I have many Trump supporters on my Facebook, many of whom are afraid to speak up because of the way the media is manipulating everyone. Well I'm willing to listen. I won't unfriend you. I like an open dialogue. I won't judge you or shut you down or accuse you of anything you haven't done. The mainstream media has no hold on me. They can't control who I choose to associate with. Their lies have gone too far, Infiltrating personal relationships, and dividing us to the core. It's no longer just strangers you preach against, it's your friends, your own family you now view as the enemy.

Well, not me. I know you all to be good people. I'm not going to change my mind about that just because the media says I should.


Surprisingly, this post was received quite well by most of my Facebook friends. Of course, I had not yet ‘come out’, and was still in good standing with most of them. If I were to post this today, I don’t think it would be nearly as well-received. Perhaps I’ll re-share it as an experiment.


One friend, actually my then best friend’s boyfriend, had this little back-and-forth with me in the comment section:


HIM: It's not the media making me afraid of trump. Honestly, we will literally have a VP that thinks you can electrocute people into being straight. It's not ok.


ME: My post is not about Trump or Pence. It is about our personal relationships with people, thinking for ourselves, and judging folks based on how we have personally witnessed them conduct themselves. This election is not going to drive a wedge between me and anyone currently in my life. It's just not.


HIM: It will if your friends get deported!


I then simply told him that he was missing the point. I should have told him that I’m not friends with any illegal aliens, though. The term illegal alien is enough to make any Leftist get majorly triggered. I wasn’t in the habit of triggering people at that time, though. I sure am now!


He was one of the people I had seen make a post telling his friends to fuck off if they support Trump. He then unfriended me shortly after that. My former best friend didn’t unfriend me, but did unfollow me so that she wouldn’t see my posts anymore. She also stopped calling me and inviting me to stuff.  Those were just the first of many unfriends, unfollows, and blocks that I got over the next year. Yes, blocks. The truth is soooo offensive that they must BLOCK it. So I guess, despite my efforts, the election has driven many wedges between me and the people in my life.


On the upside, the election has also forged friendships with people I was previously not all that close to. When I started posting more non-Leftist stuff on Facebook, I started getting private messages from friends who I never really talked to. One was my cousin. She and I have never been close, she’s much older than me and has lived far away for the last several years. She told me that she loved my posts, and to keep it up because someone needs to say this stuff, but because of work, she is not able to post anything political. Another surprising connection was a woman who I had met through a business networking group and who I bought skincare products from. She and I bonded over the burden of not being able to fully be yourself in today’s society. I learned a lot from her, since she was a lifelong conservative. I learned that conservatives have felt socially shunned for a long time. She was also very appreciative of my willingness to stand up for the other side of the aisle, because, as a business owner, she couldn’t really do that on social media. These people gave me the confidence to continue speaking out, plus I kind of felt like I was the voice for so many whose voices were being oppressed by the intolerant Left. Even if my posts got no Likes or comments, as they often didn’t, I knew that I had fans out there.


The truth will set you free, If you will have it

I usually try not to comment on posts that I see on Facebook by my friends who I know are not going to receive my opposition well. But every once in awhile I just can’t help myself. Sometimes my purpose is simply to troll the hell out of someone, but most of the time I’m just setting the record straight. It bugs me when I see someone sharing misinformation. It’s interesting that my comments on these posts are  always received well and graciously by my conservative friends and never received well by my Leftist friends. One may think that this is because my conservative friends see me as someone on their side, so they are more receptive to my comments, but this has been my experience since well before my coming out.  It’s worth noting that when I refer to my “friends” on Facebook, I am not referring to my real life friends. I’m referring to people who I am just Facebook friends with. Most of them are friends of friends, people from my past who I haven’t seen in 10+ years, or simply acquaintances who I’ve never actually met in real life.


One of my conservative Facebook friends has a tendency to share outdated memes about things like a brave soldier or a well-known conservative business going against social norms for the sake of their beliefs. I once commented on one of these posts that it was old or false. She replied with a light-hearted quip, apologizing for not checking out the accuracy before sharing it, thanked me for bringing it to her attention, and we all moved on with our day.


During the presidential campaign, a lot of misinformation and fear mongering about Trump was going around. One particular myth that the media tried to make stick was that Trump is homophobic and looking to rollback previously passed legislation in regards to gay marriage, and even that he, as President, was somehow going to be physically harmful to gays. The extreme fear in the gay community was real. They were literally afraid for their lives. I’ve found over the last year that a lot of Americans literally fear for their lives under Trump. I can’t figure out why. Perhaps because I’m thinking about it too logically, and also perhaps because I don’t really pay any attention to mainstream media anymore and, therefore, aren’t exposed to the constant bombardment of lies. One day I came across the post of some gay guy, a mutual friend of someone I was friends with on Facebook. I forget exactly what it was about, but it was basically how Trump hates gay people and how he was so afraid, blah blah blah. Well, I felt bad for him, I didn’t want him to be afraid. There was, after all, no reason for it. So I commented on his post, assuring him that Trump holds no ill-will toward the gay community, and even included a link to an article from a gay publication about how Trump came out in support of the gay community years ago, many years before it was popular to do so. I also included some information about a recent interview Trump had done with 60 Minutes where he stated in no uncertain terms that gay marriage is a done-deal, it’s set, he’s not going to change any legislation having to do with gay rights. Did I get a ‘thank you’ for putting his mind at ease? Was he even happy to hear any of that? Nope. Instead I got attacked, called names, and my sources questioned. That always seems to be a go-to for the Left. The sources are never good enough. This guy demanded that I provide a link to the 60 Minute interview, as if i made it up. I refused. It’s not hard to find. Find it yourself if you don’t believe me. Our mutual friend actually private-messaged me later that day apologizing about her friend for how rude he was to me. “He lives in an echo chamber in L.A. All he knows about current events is what his fear mongering community tells him”, she said. From personal experience, I knew that meant that he was not allowed to ask questions or consider different information. “Agree with us, or get punched.”


This demanding of reliable sources may seem like a legitimate thing to insist on in a debate, but if the information is something that they don’t want to hear, then the sources are never good enough. Sometimes I am referencing an incident that was not reported on by the mainstream media, and the only sources for it are from right-wing sources. Of course that’s never acceptable. It only really happened if CNN says it did, and how CNN says it did. I try to look on the bright side, though. I don’t always get to the point of debating sources. I usually get blocked, or my comment gets deleted, or the entire post gets deleted, or it just devolves into a rant of name-calling, or my opinion is completely dismissed because I’m just a privileged white cis girl.  If we can make it to the source-demanding stage, then I know that they at least recognize my contribution as a good point, if it is true. Therefore the only leg they have left to stand on is dissing my sources and insisting that it can’t be true.



Shut up, you racist

I remember, soon after the election, I saw a news story about a local high school which allowed the students to make picket signs and march around the school. Their signs said things like “We support immigrants”. I commented on Twitter that I was so glad that I homeschooled my kid so that she’s not being exposed to this indoctrination. One of my social media friends replied to my tweet, asking, “what indoctrination?” I simply said, “Why are they holding those signs? Why do they feel the need to show their support for immigrants? Because they are being fed lies about what is going on in this country right now.”


Leftists believe in open borders, that no one is illegal, and that if you say anything to the contrary, then you are anti-immigrant. Anti-immigrant, to me, isn’t a bad thing, but to the Left, it is probably one of the worst things you could be. It is synonymous with racist and hateful and white supremacist. They talk about deporting people like it’s a bad thing. What is bad about deporting somebody who is in your country illegally? Every single country has immigration laws, and every single one will deport or imprison you if you are there illegally.  This wasn’t an issue when Obama, aka, the Deporter in Chief, was in charge. I personally am not anti-immigrant, but if I met someone who was, I wouldn’t care. I believe wholeheartedly in borders. I believe in proper vetting, and I believe in having certain requirements of people who want to immigrate here. I think that if you speak English, you have a job to support yourself, and you think the West is the best and want to be an American, then by all means welcome to America! I do not believe in relocating foreign refugees, especially middle-eastern or African refugees here. Not only is the culture just too different for them to be able to assimilate and thrive, but it’s way too expensive! I believe in helping refugees by relocating them within their own countries, where they can continue to live speaking their own language and surrounded by their own culture. I believe in Ann Coulter’s philosophy that we should only be taking in the best of the best, the cream of the crop. It is not our responsibility to transplant poor, uneducated people here so that they can have a better life. As Stefan Molyneux said, we don’t have a copyright on democracy, freedom, and separation of church and state. If they want what we have, then they can make it in their own country.


I don’t know if “White privilege” has been around for a while or not, but I certainly had never heard of it before this year. I don’t really understand how anyone can wrap their heads around the idea that bigotry towards White people doesn’t count as racism. One of my Facebook friends made a post about being sympathetic and apologetic towards anyone who claims offense. I vehemently disagree with that ideology and made my opinion know in the comment section. His stand was that you are morally reprehensible if you do not acknowledge and apologize for hurting someone’s feelings unintentionally. My perspective is that you are morally reprehensible if you take offense where none was intended. With the invention and growing popularity of so-called micro-agressions, this type of human interaction, where person A is trying to have a polite and benign conversation with person B, and person B gets offended by something totally random, was starting to happen more and more. It was getting out of control. It was during this comment-section-debate, as I like to call them, when some hispanic chick tried to shut me down by telling me to check my privilege, and that my opinion doesn’t matter because I’m White. The thing that infuriated me about that event was not so much her blatant racism (though I’d be lying if I said that didn’t upset me), but that out of the dozen or so people actively participating on that thread, not one of them stepped forward and stood up for me. Not even my friend who made the original post, the friend who was claiming to be someone who will always stick up for anyone who claims to be offended, even if he doesn’t agree with them, because to not do so would be morally reprehensible. I think that this was really my first true experience with the Left’s hypocrisy and total asinine bigotry.  The Left has no moral high ground. They don’t stand for anything. They are just a bunch of virtue-signaling fakes. I have since developed a much thicker skin, but at the time I was so upset that I couldn’t sleep that night, and the interaction ran through my head constantly for several days afterward.


Thanks, Antifa!

After Charlottesville, I noticed that the mainstream media outlets were all praising Antifa as Nazi-fighters and heroes. My Leftist friends were sharing pro-Antifa memes, and everyone chastised Trump for his “both sides” comment, condemning the violent brutes on the Left and the Right. It was extremely disheartening and frustrating to me because I had been watching Antifa violently attack innocent people, not Nazis, all year. Meanwhile Charlottesville was the first time Leftists had ever heard of Antifa. They didn’t know what they had been up to all year.


It was actually the violent Antifa riot at Berkeley in the spring which shut down a Milo Yiannopoulos event that pushed me full on away from calling myself a liberal. The ironic thing is that it was Antifa trying to keep Milo from being heard that introduced me to Milo and turned me into a fan. If Antifa hadn’t rioted and shut down his event, I probably would have never heard of him. When I saw the great lengths they were going to to shut him down, I decided to look into this Milo guy. What was he saying that was sooooo bad?  I started watching his Youtube videos, and found myself agreeing with a lot of what he said. The conclusion that I came to is that the Left doesn’t like him because he’s not politically correct, and he doesn’t subscribe to their identity politics. From there I discovered Stefan Molyneux, Ben Shapiro, Ann Coulter, Steven Crowder, Breitbart, The Rebel, Lauren Southern, Gavin Mcinnes, and Dennis Prager. Thanks, Antifa!


I made it my mission for the next week or two to educate my Facebook friends about Antifa and reveal them for who they really are. I made several long posts about it. I shared youtube videos and articles and pictures. It was during this tirade of mine that I actually first realized that my Leftist friends had never heard of Antifa. I naively thought that they would have at least seen the news stories about the 217 protesters arrested at Trumps inauguration, or the riot at Berkeley. Afterall, I had seen both of those things pre-Redpill. They had not. When I realized this I made a statement about how shocked I was that so many people were so unaware. I believed I used the analogy that they had their heads in the sand. One of my Facebook friends took great offense to this and insisted that he pays attention to the news, is very much in the loop, and most certainly does not have his head in the sand. Throughout our back and forth in the comment section I proceeded to say that the only way to get accurate information is to ignore the mainstream media. He scoffed at that statement, declaring in a sarcastic manner, “oh, yeah, great idea, get the news by ignoring the reporters of the news.” My final statement in reply to that: “...and which one of us knows all about Antifa, and which one had never heard of them?” Boom. Check and mate.


Just be honest

I've had a few of these mic-drop moments in my interactions on Facebook. They’re always very satisfying, but they usually result in my comment or the entire original post getting deleted. I hate that. Not only is it dishonest and cowardly, it’s just such an emotional, knee jerk thing to do. If I had any respect for that person before, it’s completely gone after they pull that crap. At the same time, though, it’s also validation that I’m right. I must say that since I have begun this ideological journey, I have never once felt the need or desire to delete anything I have posted. I sometimes wonder what it must be like to be so insecure and so angry.


In a recent incident, my friend posted a hit-piece article about Trump. Now, we all see a million of these a day and I usually ignore them, but once in awhile I just can’t help myself.  I commented on his post with some corrections to the article which included facts and sources. His response was a very angry, emotional rant about how it doesn’t matter and just because this particular article is wrong, does not change the fact that Trump is still a racist pile of shit, plus like 15 other insults towards the president. He then said “I don’t know if you support our Fuhrer or if you’re trying to get me to like him, but I don’t want to hear it.” Leftists are very emotional. Leftists can’t stand hearing facts which are contrary to their beliefs. My final statement in reply to that was “The only thing I support is truth and information, along with honest discussion and open dialogue. But if you don’t, then I understand and will not subject you to it anymore.” Boom. Mic-drop. Of course, he then deleted the entire post. Fucker.


I really do feel that way, I wasn’t just trying to claim a moral high ground, though I will admit that was part of it. That guy was being a ass. I very much value open and honest dialog. I very much value truth. I think that I maintain a healthy skepticism of everything I read or see, and it takes a lot for a public figure to gain my trust.


For instance, I used to be a huge fan of Ben Shapiro. I liked that he would call out Trump when he did things that were not so great. It made me feel like I could rely on him for accurate reporting and analysis. Some right-wing commentators or journalist are too biased when it comes to Trump. Shapiro still has his biases but I always felt that he was open and honest about them. After Charlottesville, however, Shapiro started doing some things that I didn’t like and it made me lose faith in him as a fair commentator. First, he started accusing Milo of being an alt-right white supremacist. He said it several times, several days in a row. Milo has said again and again that he is not, and on top of that, has never actually done anything that would qualify him as such. I don’t know why Ben Shapiro hates Milo so much, but you lose credibility when you let your personal biases get in the way of telling the truth. You can’t lie about someone just because you don’t like them. I stopped watching him for a while, and while I wasn’t watching him I heard about some other Youtubers claiming that he was lying about them as well. So I unsubscribed and unfollowed him. Facts don’t care about your feelings, Ben, so stop letting your feelings get in the way of facts!  


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