Status:
In Progress |
Genre: Humor |
House:
Booksie Classic
If you like your humour without strong language, sex, smut and violence, you have come to the right place.
Table of Contents
Submitted: October 18, 2017
This is a collection of zany stories, the first of which is preceded by an introduction to the Madazine
staff.
The Madazine Team
... Read Chapter
Submitted: October 21, 2017
Impatient Patient
The following letter was saved for posterity by our typesetter, Phyllis Tyne. She had applied it to a gas
ring, i... Read Chapter
Submitted: October 25, 2017
Editor’s Note: This item was misfiled on receipt and has finally emerged. It’s years out of date, but better
late than never.
M... Read Chapter
Submitted: October 28, 2017
Telemarketing
“Lord Garthlemmon’s residence. May I help you? … No, sir, I am the butler, Threadbare. … Very droll, sir.
How... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 01, 2017
Sadsack Publishing Company
Dear Mr Underthwaite
Thank you for your letter and welcome to our haven for new writers. We know how w... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 04, 2017
Venturesome Vacations
Excellent results have been announced by Hairshirt Holidays Ltd., British subsidiary of US giant, General
Haz... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 08, 2017
Special Offer
“Good morning. Cre – “
“Yes. Sorry to break in. Could you connect me with Mr Lumb, please?”
“No can... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 11, 2017
Where’s The Beef?
The following note was delivered to us by a small boy, who said he had been paid £1 by ‘a funny old geezer’
... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 15, 2017
Man On The Spot
“Now, I was about to say that from Ned Forecastle and me, Sue Pream, that’s all from ‘The World This
Evening... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 18, 2017
Note from Madazine’s outer office staff: When the cat’s away, the mice can play. Our editor wrote this poem,
which we can confirm r... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 22, 2017
Kleptomania
“Excuse me, sir. I wonder if you’d care to accompany me to my office at the rear of the store?
“Why?”
“... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 25, 2017
Viewpoints
The new novel by Jonathan Pestle reached the bookshops today, to the accompaniment of a mighty fanfare.
Critics’ opini... Read Chapter
Submitted: November 29, 2017
A Traveller’s Tale
We present here a copy of a letter sent to us by a man who also supplied a brief covering note describing
him ... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 02, 2017
Top Management
“Now we present the first in a new series ‘Our Country Today’, in which we shall be discussing a range of
issu... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 06, 2017
We don’t know when or how the tale below was submitted to us. The original bears no date, address or
signature, and was found in a pl... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 09, 2017
Star-Struck
News from a village in County Donegal, Ireland, seems likely to cause uproar in the astrological world. Mr
Algon Quin c... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 13, 2017
Independence Day
Greetings, my fellow Zubukians! I intended to address you today from the balcony of Government House.
Unfortunatel... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 16, 2017
The staff cornered me this morning, saying that we were short of material for today. I was given a stark
ultimatum – write or die! I ... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 23, 2017
Press-ganged again! Those inky blighters who do the menial work around here have locked me in my office,
demanding that I ransack my re... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 27, 2017
The piece below was posted to us by a man who asks us not to reveal his name or address.
Editor
From Two Cellars
I make my own ... Read Chapter
Submitted: December 30, 2017
Grey Power
The piece below is a copy of a letter we received recently, addressed to our editor and accompanied by a
note asking us ... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 03, 2018
Valediction
My friends, I have been asked to say a few words in memory of our departed colleague, Oswald Briddle. Some
of you may b... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 06, 2018
Immediately after clocking in this morning I was given the hard word. Those thugs in the general office are
to deny me tea and biscuits... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 10, 2018
Let’s Put It This Way
“Minor emergency, Miss Froop. Could you spare a moment?”
“Of course, Mr Notch. What is it?”... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 13, 2018
From Doctor Watson’s Archive
It was a dank November morning. The oily yellow fog which had enveloped London for two days dispersed ... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 17, 2018
Letter From Behind The Beyond
To whom it may concern on Earth:
If this reaches you, please note that it comes from the planet Zog... Read Chapter
It’s, You Know, Sort Of Tautological
Submitted: January 20, 2018
The piece below is a copy of a note handed to us by a lady who does not wish her name or address to be
published. Editor
It’s, Yo... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 27, 2018
Ships That Pass In The Night
A: You seem to be undecided, madam. Are you looking for somebody?
B: No, I was seeking an empty seat... Read Chapter
Submitted: January 31, 2018
A Memorable Encounter
It was a big day for the town’s chess club. All but one of the forty-seven members were present, together
w... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 03, 2018
The Reverend Speaks
And now, without further ado, I would like to introduce our main speaker for today, the Reverend Bernard
Railin... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 07, 2018
Yours Wrathfully
We give below another of the long-missing items recovered by our star reporter, Trixie Larkspur. She still
won’t... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 10, 2018
Figuring It Out
Monday morning:
Bob: Welcome, Jane and John. You’re the latest recruits to our sales team and I just nee... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 14, 2018
There It Was, Gone
To the editor of Madazine
Dear Sir,
I feel you might be interested to learn of an astonishing experience I... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 17, 2018
Home Improvements
Harold: Hello.
Muriel: Hello. Is that you, Harold?
Harold: Of course it is.... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 21, 2018
Getting Right Down To It
A startling new project has begun in the north of England. It is the brainchild of Kevin Spout, who invited
... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 24, 2018
Telling It Like It Is
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeep.
It’s ten o’clock here on BBC Radio 4. Well, it’s ten o’clock ... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 28, 2018
The Reference
From: Parkwood Brickworks
Old Lane
Lower Otterby
20 August
To: Smith & Company
12 New Street
Upper Otterb... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 03, 2018
Transport For The High-Minded
He’s at it again. Kevin Spout, inventor extraordinary, is working on a remarkable new project. No dou... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 07, 2018
A View From Afar
Dear Earthlings,
As readers of Madazine, we who are composing this letter know that you have already received a ... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 10, 2018
I Quit
To Nigel Gloater-Hogg: Head Of Human Resources
From Walter Grobble: Section Leader, Arrears Department
Dear Pigface
... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 14, 2018
Horticultural Matters
Announcer: I’m sure we are all grateful to Fred Green for enlightening us about so many aspects of
gardenin... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 17, 2018
No Space In Space
Another product of the astonishingly creative mind of Yorkshire inventor Kevin Spout was displayed today.
This ti... Read Chapter
So You Want To Be A Member Of Parliament
Submitted: March 21, 2018
So You Want To Be A Member Of Parliament
Harry: Nice to see you again, Dave. Have a seat and tell me what’s on your mind.
David... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 24, 2018
Customer Relations
To: The Manager
Supreme Appliances
34 High Street
Dear Sir
I tried to call on you this evening, only t... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 28, 2018
A Nod To R. W. Service
The great Robert Service wrote some stirring poems about the Yukon in general and the gold rush there in
par... Read Chapter
Submitted: March 31, 2018
Bridging The Gaps
There was a remarkable occurrence in the suburbs of Sheffield this morning, when local inventor Kevin Spout
treat... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 04, 2018
A Country Practice
Midhampton, England, 1898
Jenkins: Ah, there goes the new doorbell. Two rings. That means it is for us. These ... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 07, 2018
Life In The Dark Ages
It has been said that much of the Anglo-Saxon period in England is not very well documented. Be that as it
ma... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 11, 2018
How To Be Superior
Having been asked numerous times to offer tips on how to be superior, I feel that I must finally accede to
these... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 14, 2018
Editor’s note. Some Madazine readers will know that we don’t usually deal with highly topical matters.
However, exceptions are made... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 18, 2018
Ruling The Waves
The East Yorkshire seaside resort of Bridlington was today the scene of the latest experiment conducted by
the red... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 21, 2018
Funny Things, Numbers
Tom: Good morning, Jim and Dan. We all know why we’re here. You’re relative newcomers to rifle
shoo... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 25, 2018
Weather
(Sunday evening)
Come tomorrow’s morn, there shall be storms the like of which ye have ne’er seen, nay, the like of whi... Read Chapter
Submitted: April 28, 2018
Perpetual Motion
The Yorkshire inventor and engineer Kevin Spout has been in action once more. On this occasion the venue was
meado... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 02, 2018
Where The Tough Get Going
Madazine’s roving reporter, Trixie Larkspur, has just visited one of our more unusual seats of learning. ... Read Chapter
The Lampwick Letters : Number One
Submitted: May 05, 2018
The Lampwick Letters : Number One
Dear Mr Amplegirth,
Thank you for sending me a copy of your essay about the Native Americans an... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 09, 2018
Let Battle Commence
Note: The item below is a letter we have received from a gentleman who has what we believe is an original
idea ... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 12, 2018
The item below is a letter posted to us few days ago. As readers know, we don’t normally publish material
related to current news, bu... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 16, 2018
Don’t Mess With The Law
The closing stage of a court case.
Judge: Now, you have admitted that on the tenth of last month, you a... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 19, 2018
Advanced Economics
Announcer: Good evening and welcome to Money Matters. This week we are fortunate to have with us Antony
Trite. I... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 23, 2018
The item below is another of those messages received occasionally at Madazine from one of the locations we
have come to think of as Beh... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 26, 2018
I have been told by the staff in our general office that it’s high time for me to make another contribution to Madazine’s pages. This... Read Chapter
Submitted: May 30, 2018
Educating Jane
John: Hello, Jane. Come in and make yourself comfortable.
Jane: Thank you. That’s a nice piece of music you’re... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 02, 2018
The item below is a letter received recently at our office.
A Cosmological Coup
To the editor of Madazine
Dear Sir,
I wri... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 06, 2018
The Modern Way Of Debating
The item below is a transcript of a conversation between George, the chairman of a political constituency
... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 09, 2018
Homecoming
Newlyweds Brian and Janet moved into a flat on the ground floor of a recently completed two-storey block.
The following ... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 13, 2018
An Introduction To Cricket
Bill: Well, Joe, you said you wanted to see a game of cricket, so that you could compare it with your own
... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 16, 2018
Fast Track To Immortality
The item below is a letter we received a few days ago.
For the attention of the editor of Madazine.
... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 20, 2018
Taking To The Air
Rodney: Make yourself comfortable Charles. You moved those chocks away from the main wheels,
right?
Charles: ... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 23, 2018
Making It Clear
You’re listening to Our Country Today with Sue Eager and me Jonathan Hustler. It’s ten past eight. There’s
be... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 27, 2018
The item below is a scribble our boss did recently. He probably didn’t mean to have it included in Madazine,
but he’s away for a co... Read Chapter
Submitted: June 30, 2018
Speed Limit
After a spell of inactivity, described by some of his critics as merciful, the Yorkshire engineer and
inventor Kevin Sp... Read Chapter
Submitted: July 04, 2018
Leadership
Donald: Take a seat, William. I imagine you know why I asked you to call in.
William: No, Donald. I’ve no idea what... Read Chapter
Submitted: July 15, 2018
Prepositions And Other Things
Conversation between two passengers, A and B, during a train journey.
A. Excuse me, but now that yo... Read Chapter
Submitted: August 22, 2018
Crunch Meeting
A country seeking to leave a large trading block with a substantial degree of social integration has had a
number of... Read Chapter
Broadcasting With A Difference
Submitted: October 18, 2018
Broadcasting With A Difference
Alan: Take a seat, Tony. You’d better make yourself comfortable because you’ve some explaining to
... Read Chapter
Submitted: February 03, 2019
THE INTERVIEW
Two senior officials, Godfrey and Claude, are conducting an interview with the aim of recruiting spies for
the UK’s... Read Chapter
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