Madazine

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


If you like your humour without strong language, sex, smut and violence, you have come to the right place.

Table of Contents

Madazine

Submitted: October 18, 2017

This is a collection of zany stories, the first of which is preceded by an introduction to the Madazine staff. The Madazine Team ... Read Chapter

Impatient Patient

Submitted: October 21, 2017

Impatient Patient The following letter was saved for posterity by our typesetter, Phyllis Tyne. She had applied it to a gas ring, i... Read Chapter

Millennial Angst

Submitted: October 25, 2017

Editor’s Note: This item was misfiled on receipt and has finally emerged. It’s years out of date, but better late than never. M... Read Chapter

Telemarketing

Submitted: October 28, 2017

Telemarketing “Lord Garthlemmon’s residence. May I help you? … No, sir, I am the butler, Threadbare. … Very droll, sir. How... Read Chapter

Sadsack Publishing Company

Submitted: November 01, 2017

Sadsack Publishing Company Dear Mr Underthwaite Thank you for your letter and welcome to our haven for new writers. We know how w... Read Chapter

Venturesome Vacations

Submitted: November 04, 2017

Venturesome Vacations Excellent results have been announced by Hairshirt Holidays Ltd., British subsidiary of US giant, General Haz... Read Chapter

Special Offer

Submitted: November 08, 2017

Special Offer “Good morning. Cre – “ “Yes. Sorry to break in. Could you connect me with Mr Lumb, please?” “No can... Read Chapter

Where’s The Beef?

Submitted: November 11, 2017

Where’s The Beef? The following note was delivered to us by a small boy, who said he had been paid £1 by ‘a funny old geezer’ ... Read Chapter

Man On The Spot

Submitted: November 15, 2017

Man On The Spot “Now, I was about to say that from Ned Forecastle and me, Sue Pream, that’s all from ‘The World This Evening... Read Chapter

Getting On A Bit

Submitted: November 18, 2017

Note from Madazine’s outer office staff: When the cat’s away, the mice can play. Our editor wrote this poem, which we can confirm r... Read Chapter

Kleptomania

Submitted: November 22, 2017

Kleptomania “Excuse me, sir. I wonder if you’d care to accompany me to my office at the rear of the store? “Why?” “... Read Chapter

Viewpoints

Submitted: November 25, 2017

Viewpoints The new novel by Jonathan Pestle reached the bookshops today, to the accompaniment of a mighty fanfare. Critics’ opini... Read Chapter

A Traveller’s Tale

Submitted: November 29, 2017

A Traveller’s Tale We present here a copy of a letter sent to us by a man who also supplied a brief covering note describing him ... Read Chapter

Top Management

Submitted: December 02, 2017

Top Management “Now we present the first in a new series ‘Our Country Today’, in which we shall be discussing a range of issu... Read Chapter

How Are You?

Submitted: December 06, 2017

We don’t know when or how the tale below was submitted to us. The original bears no date, address or signature, and was found in a pl... Read Chapter

Star-Struck

Submitted: December 09, 2017

Star-Struck News from a village in County Donegal, Ireland, seems likely to cause uproar in the astrological world. Mr Algon Quin c... Read Chapter

Independence Day

Submitted: December 13, 2017

Independence Day Greetings, my fellow Zubukians! I intended to address you today from the balcony of Government House. Unfortunatel... Read Chapter

Aspects of Sport

Submitted: December 16, 2017

The staff cornered me this morning, saying that we were short of material for today. I was given a stark ultimatum – write or die! I ... Read Chapter

A Man And A Plan

Submitted: December 23, 2017

Press-ganged again! Those inky blighters who do the menial work around here have locked me in my office, demanding that I ransack my re... Read Chapter

From Two Cellars

Submitted: December 27, 2017

The piece below was posted to us by a man who asks us not to reveal his name or address. Editor From Two Cellars I make my own ... Read Chapter

Grey Power

Submitted: December 30, 2017

Grey Power The piece below is a copy of a letter we received recently, addressed to our editor and accompanied by a note asking us ... Read Chapter

Valediction

Submitted: January 03, 2018

Valediction My friends, I have been asked to say a few words in memory of our departed colleague, Oswald Briddle. Some of you may b... Read Chapter

It’s The Thought That Counts

Submitted: January 06, 2018

Immediately after clocking in this morning I was given the hard word. Those thugs in the general office are to deny me tea and biscuits... Read Chapter

Let’s Put It This Way

Submitted: January 10, 2018

Let’s Put  It This Way “Minor emergency, Miss Froop. Could you spare a moment?” “Of course, Mr Notch. What is it?”... Read Chapter

From Doctor Watson’s Archive

Submitted: January 13, 2018

From Doctor Watson’s Archive It was a dank November morning. The oily yellow fog which had enveloped London for two days dispersed ... Read Chapter

Letter From Behind The Beyond

Submitted: January 17, 2018

Letter From Behind The Beyond To whom it may concern on Earth: If this reaches you, please note that it comes from the planet Zog... Read Chapter

It’s, You Know, Sort Of Tautological

Submitted: January 20, 2018

The piece below is a copy of a note handed to us by a lady who does not wish her name or address to be published. Editor It’s, Yo... Read Chapter

Ships That Pass In The Night

Submitted: January 27, 2018

Ships That Pass In The Night A: You seem to be undecided, madam. Are you looking for somebody? B: No, I was seeking an empty seat... Read Chapter

A Memorable Encounter

Submitted: January 31, 2018

A Memorable Encounter It was a big day for the town’s chess club. All but one of the forty-seven members were present, together w... Read Chapter

The Reverend Speaks

Submitted: February 03, 2018

The Reverend Speaks And now, without further ado, I would like to introduce our main speaker for today, the Reverend Bernard Railin... Read Chapter

Yours Wrathfully

Submitted: February 07, 2018

Yours Wrathfully We give below another of the long-missing items recovered by our star reporter, Trixie Larkspur. She still won’t... Read Chapter

Figuring It Out

Submitted: February 10, 2018

Figuring It Out Monday morning:   Bob: Welcome, Jane and John. You’re the latest recruits to our sales team and I just nee... Read Chapter

There It Was, Gone

Submitted: February 14, 2018

There It Was, Gone To the editor of Madazine Dear Sir, I feel you might be interested to learn of an astonishing experience I... Read Chapter

Home Improvements

Submitted: February 17, 2018

Home Improvements Harold:  Hello.   Muriel:  Hello. Is that you, Harold?   Harold:  Of course it is.... Read Chapter

Getting Right Down To It

Submitted: February 21, 2018

Getting Right Down To It A startling new project has begun in the north of England. It is the brainchild of Kevin Spout, who invited ... Read Chapter

Telling It Like It Is

Submitted: February 24, 2018

Telling It Like It Is Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeep. It’s ten o’clock here on BBC Radio 4. Well, it’s ten o’clock ... Read Chapter

The Reference

Submitted: February 28, 2018

The Reference From: Parkwood Brickworks Old Lane Lower Otterby 20 August To: Smith & Company 12 New Street Upper Otterb... Read Chapter

Transport For The High-Minded

Submitted: March 03, 2018

Transport For The High-Minded He’s at it again. Kevin Spout, inventor extraordinary, is working on a remarkable new project. No dou... Read Chapter

A View From Afar

Submitted: March 07, 2018

A View From Afar Dear Earthlings, As readers of Madazine, we who are composing this letter know that you have already received a ... Read Chapter

I Quit

Submitted: March 10, 2018

I Quit To Nigel Gloater-Hogg: Head Of Human Resources From Walter Grobble: Section Leader, Arrears Department Dear Pigface ... Read Chapter

Horticultural Matters

Submitted: March 14, 2018

Horticultural Matters Announcer: I’m sure we are all grateful to Fred Green for enlightening us about so many aspects of gardenin... Read Chapter

No Space In Space

Submitted: March 17, 2018

No Space In Space Another product of the astonishingly creative mind of Yorkshire inventor Kevin Spout was displayed today. This ti... Read Chapter

So You Want To Be A Member Of Parliament

Submitted: March 21, 2018

So You Want To Be A Member Of Parliament Harry: Nice to see you again, Dave. Have a seat and tell me what’s on your mind. David... Read Chapter

Customer Relations

Submitted: March 24, 2018

Customer Relations To: The Manager Supreme Appliances 34 High Street Dear Sir I tried to call on you this evening, only t... Read Chapter

A Loser’s Lament

Submitted: March 28, 2018

A Nod To R. W. Service The great Robert Service wrote some stirring poems about the Yukon in general and the gold rush there in par... Read Chapter

Bridging The Gaps

Submitted: March 31, 2018

Bridging The Gaps There was a remarkable occurrence in the suburbs of Sheffield this morning, when local inventor Kevin Spout treat... Read Chapter

A Country Practice

Submitted: April 04, 2018

A Country Practice Midhampton, England, 1898 Jenkins: Ah, there goes the new doorbell. Two rings. That means it is for us. These ... Read Chapter

Life In The Dark Ages

Submitted: April 07, 2018

Life In The Dark Ages It has been said that much of the Anglo-Saxon period in England is not very well documented. Be that as it ma... Read Chapter

How To Be Superior

Submitted: April 11, 2018

How To Be Superior Having been asked numerous times to offer tips on how to be superior, I feel that I must finally accede to these... Read Chapter

Brexit Bulletin

Submitted: April 14, 2018

Editor’s note. Some Madazine readers will know that we don’t usually deal with highly topical matters. However, exceptions are made... Read Chapter

Ruling The Waves

Submitted: April 18, 2018

Ruling The Waves The East Yorkshire seaside resort of Bridlington was today the scene of the latest experiment conducted by the red... Read Chapter

Funny Things, Numbers

Submitted: April 21, 2018

Funny Things, Numbers Tom: Good morning, Jim and Dan. We all know why we’re here. You’re  relative newcomers to rifle shoo... Read Chapter

Weather

Submitted: April 25, 2018

Weather (Sunday evening) Come tomorrow’s morn, there shall be storms the like of which ye have ne’er seen, nay, the like of whi... Read Chapter

Perpetual Motion

Submitted: April 28, 2018

Perpetual Motion The Yorkshire inventor and engineer Kevin Spout has been in action once more. On this occasion the venue was meado... Read Chapter

Where The Tough Get Going

Submitted: May 02, 2018

Where The Tough Get Going Madazine’s roving reporter, Trixie Larkspur, has just visited one of our more unusual seats of learning. ... Read Chapter

The Lampwick Letters : Number One

Submitted: May 05, 2018

The Lampwick Letters : Number One Dear Mr Amplegirth, Thank you for sending me a copy of your essay about the Native Americans an... Read Chapter

Let Battle Commence

Submitted: May 09, 2018

Let Battle Commence Note: The item below is a letter we have received from a gentleman who has what we believe is an original idea ... Read Chapter

Wandering Weapons

Submitted: May 12, 2018

The item below is a letter posted to us few days ago. As readers know, we don’t normally publish material related to current news, bu... Read Chapter

Don’t Mess With The Law

Submitted: May 16, 2018

Don’t Mess With The Law The closing stage of a court case. Judge: Now, you have admitted that on the tenth of last month, you a... Read Chapter

Advanced Economics

Submitted: May 19, 2018

Advanced Economics Announcer: Good evening and welcome to Money Matters. This week we are fortunate to have with us Antony Trite. I... Read Chapter

Straighten Up, Earthlings

Submitted: May 23, 2018

The item below is another of those messages received occasionally at Madazine from one of the locations we have come to think of as Beh... Read Chapter

Coinage

Submitted: May 26, 2018

I have been told by the staff in our general office that it’s high time for me to make another contribution to Madazine’s pages. This... Read Chapter

Educating Jane

Submitted: May 30, 2018

Educating Jane John: Hello, Jane. Come in and make yourself comfortable. Jane: Thank you. That’s a nice piece of music you’re... Read Chapter

A Cosmological Coup

Submitted: June 02, 2018

The item below is a letter received recently at our office. A Cosmological Coup To the editor of Madazine Dear Sir, I wri... Read Chapter

The Modern Way Of Debating

Submitted: June 06, 2018

The Modern Way Of Debating The item below is a transcript of a conversation between George, the chairman of a political constituency ... Read Chapter

Homecoming

Submitted: June 09, 2018

Homecoming Newlyweds Brian and Janet moved into a flat on the ground floor of a recently completed two-storey block. The following ... Read Chapter

An Introduction To Cricket

Submitted: June 13, 2018

An Introduction To Cricket Bill: Well, Joe, you said you wanted to see a game of cricket, so that you could compare it with your own ... Read Chapter

Fast Track To Immortality

Submitted: June 16, 2018

Fast Track To Immortality The item below is a letter we received a few days ago. For the attention of the editor of Madazine. ... Read Chapter

Taking To The Air

Submitted: June 20, 2018

Taking To The Air Rodney: Make yourself comfortable Charles. You moved those chocks away from the main wheels, right? Charles: ... Read Chapter

Making It Clear

Submitted: June 23, 2018

Making It Clear You’re listening to Our Country Today with Sue Eager and me Jonathan Hustler. It’s ten past eight. There’s be... Read Chapter

Golden Thoughts

Submitted: June 27, 2018

The item below is a scribble our boss did recently. He probably didn’t mean to have it included in Madazine, but he’s away for a co... Read Chapter

Speed Limit

Submitted: June 30, 2018

Speed Limit After a spell of inactivity, described by some of his critics as merciful, the Yorkshire engineer and inventor Kevin Sp... Read Chapter

Leadership

Submitted: July 04, 2018

Leadership Donald: Take a seat, William. I imagine you know why I asked you to call in. William: No, Donald. I’ve no idea what... Read Chapter

Prepositions And Other Things

Submitted: July 15, 2018

Prepositions And Other Things Conversation between two passengers, A and B, during a train journey. A. Excuse me, but now that yo... Read Chapter

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