How To Fight Loneliness

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


“Give me another chance.” he murmurs, pulling me in. His eyes are ringed with smoky blue hues - I can feel him exhale. Our lips are so close, they’re almost touching. “No.” I say simply, pulling my
hand back and walking away.

Table of Contents

1

Submitted: October 24, 2017

“I don’t know why you close the door when you go in there, like I’m oblivious to your drug habit.” I’m in the middle of swa... Read Chapter

2

Submitted: October 24, 2017

Luke’s at my desk the moment the bell signals our release.  He’s hunched protectively over me - it doesn’t escape my notic... Read Chapter

3

Submitted: October 24, 2017

The air is brisk and sharp when I enter the quad, and I pull my hoodie closer around me.  Luke is on the floor, long legs crosse... Read Chapter

4

Submitted: October 24, 2017

“Time for tea, Lyss!” My mum’s shout snaps me back from the half-unconscious state I’ve been in since getting home.  ... Read Chapter

5

Submitted: October 24, 2017

I’m five minutes late to morning form, but I’m always five minutes late so the teacher doesn’t comment, though he does eye my Vans ... Read Chapter

6

Submitted: October 24, 2017

I’m drinking over-sweetened tea to try and control the trembling in my hands. Mr. Fowler found us both sat at the bottom of the sta... Read Chapter

7

Submitted: October 24, 2017

Luke takes me home, and by the time we get there all Alex related tension has been shaken off; he’s smiling again.  He carries... Read Chapter

8

Submitted: October 24, 2017

Seventeen footsteps to the salad bar. It’s unmanned, and Luke is stood right behind me, taking in curling vegetables with uneasy brown ... Read Chapter

9

Submitted: October 24, 2017

Menthol filter tips burn my tongue.  Alex is leant against the fence, hands shaking the ash from his own cigarette. His pupi... Read Chapter

10

Submitted: October 24, 2017

We stumble back into the quad, late, too late - we’ve been gone twenty minutes and we’re leaning against each other.  Luke h... Read Chapter

11

Submitted: October 24, 2017

I spend the next half hour hugging the toilet, occasionally blacking out and being re-awakened by the seat smashing against my head. ... Read Chapter

12

Submitted: October 24, 2017

“Luke! Luke, stop, seriously, just stop.” I’m the one who has to stop, one hand against the wall, wheezing and doubled over. My... Read Chapter

13

Submitted: October 24, 2017

Luke and Marissa are deep in conversation when I get to the quad, heads so close they’re almost touching.  I scoff, staring at... Read Chapter

14

Submitted: October 24, 2017

I skip History in favour of just going home. My hands are shaking, badly, and Alex never shows up when he’s mad at me.  An... Read Chapter

15

Submitted: October 25, 2017

Chocolate.  ... Read Chapter

16

Submitted: October 25, 2017

And before I know it, the chocolate has gone. I’m hanging over the toilet, fingers shoved down my throat, heaving, one, two three t... Read Chapter

17

Submitted: October 25, 2017

“Hey Austin. Need to buy from you again.”  Austin’s lids are heavy as he nods, sticking a hand into his inside pocket and ... Read Chapter

18

Submitted: October 25, 2017

I’m ten minutes late to morning form, because I’m moving like I’m underwater.  I drift past Marissa, who’s toffee eyes a... Read Chapter

19

Submitted: October 27, 2017

These pills are burning a hole in my pocket.  They’re weighing my entire body down, pressed against my chest, screaming out fo... Read Chapter

20

Submitted: October 27, 2017

“Happy birthday, Marissa.” I mutter, as I’m walking past. I slide into my seat, hunching my shoulders, tendrils of my earphones... Read Chapter

21

Submitted: October 27, 2017

I spend lunch sitting on a bench in the park, staring vacantly into space and lighting cigarette after cigarette. My stomach is screa... Read Chapter

22

Submitted: October 27, 2017

By the time I get to Marissa’s, I’m two hours late and shivering.  Luke answers the door, thin cheeks already flushed, laugh... Read Chapter

23

Submitted: November 01, 2017

“Lyss.” Aaron’s knocking again, ever so quietly, his voice a murmur slipping through the crack in the doorway. I throw my h... Read Chapter

24

Submitted: November 01, 2017

We’ve finished the vodka bottle by the time we leave the bathroom, holding each other up and still in fits of laughter.  Aaron... Read Chapter

25

Submitted: November 04, 2017

Alex lives eight minutes away from Marissa; we spend the whole walk crying with laughter. My breath comes in shudders, stabbing ... Read Chapter

26

Submitted: November 04, 2017

We take the whiskey with us when we leave the house, though it’s mostly dregs by that point.  Alex is singing, swinging the bo... Read Chapter

27

Submitted: November 04, 2017

The bouncer is twenty two and his arms bulge. His eyes linger on my dishevelled hair, my askew skirt, the outline of my hold up, and ... Read Chapter

28

Submitted: November 04, 2017

Alex’s nose is bleeding again. I can see the other man dissolving powder into my drink; I watch him do it and he looks unabashed as... Read Chapter

29

Submitted: November 04, 2017

Cold brick against my cheek. I’m against a wall - the bar is too hot, I’m too hot. Sickly sweet breath, blonde hair. ... Read Chapter

30

Submitted: November 04, 2017

My collarbone is torn. There is blood pooling in my fingertips. Alex has two girls, either side.  Bar, tequila, pay, sho... Read Chapter

31

Submitted: November 04, 2017

My fingers search for a cigarette. Ghosts of fingertips litter my thigh. I climb step after step after step. Dizzy. ... Read Chapter

32

Submitted: November 04, 2017

Alex’s eyes are alight. There’s a girl on his back; he’s staggering upstairs. He sees the red of my collarbone. The str... Read Chapter

33

Submitted: November 04, 2017

I wake up sprawled across the floor, Alex’s arm thrown across my chest.  His eyes open seconds after mine, alight with curiosi... Read Chapter

34

Submitted: November 05, 2017

My tights are too laddered to remove - I just keep them on, underneath black knee socks. Yesterday’s shirt has become crusted with ... Read Chapter

35

Submitted: November 05, 2017

“Where to?” I gasp. I have to stop - I’m starting to black out. Alex presses his hand to my back as I dry heave in the stre... Read Chapter

36

Submitted: November 05, 2017

Ross answers the door. It’s only two in the afternoon but his eyes are already clouded, mouth slightly agape as he stares at us.&nb... Read Chapter

37

Submitted: November 05, 2017

Pieces fly, well, everywhere. There’s a searing pain seeping from my little finger all the way up to my elbow; my cheek is sliced o... Read Chapter

38

Submitted: November 05, 2017

“Come on Lyss, let me check your face, yeah?” I nod, still unable to find words, tears running down my cheeks. Austin leads m... Read Chapter

39

Submitted: November 06, 2017

“Aus?” I whisper after a while.  “Lyss?” he murmurs back. “I’m sorry I broke your bowl.” His whole chest v... Read Chapter

40

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Bobby and Ross are having the laziest argument; speaking and gesturing like they’re trapped in a vat of oil and movement is difficult.&... Read Chapter

41

Submitted: November 06, 2017

“Alex. Alex. Come on, move your ass.” He barely even blinks, still staring blankly at the TV.  “Alex, you gotta move. ... Read Chapter

42

Submitted: November 06, 2017

I have to support Alex the whole way to Lucy’s, which is physically exerting.  Ross and Bobby are sprinting ahead of us, yelli... Read Chapter

43

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Alex is back three tequila shots later, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. There’s an infectious grin lighting up his f... Read Chapter

44

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Hands on my waist Stranger’s hands touching my fingers And sparks of electricity climbing up My fucking bones ... Read Chapter

45

Submitted: November 06, 2017

I’m in the toilet Freaking out over the toilet Leant into the toilet Head spinning off  I left it behind White... Read Chapter

46

Submitted: November 06, 2017

My head is going to explode ... Read Chapter

47

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Hours have elapsed and I still can’t see past the seventeen foot ballerina standing in front of me I’m lay on the bathroom floor ... Read Chapter

48

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Another seventeen hours Seventeen I’ve vomited my entire body weight I don’t know where I am Seventeen I’m trap... Read Chapter

49

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Why are there still so many people I cut the chains My fingernails are bleeding  Cut off I had to Pull them off ... Read Chapter

50

Submitted: November 06, 2017

The air is so cold but it won’t put me out  I’m going to start burning Any minute I’m stuck in a black hole pit of... Read Chapter

51

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Somebody is chasing me now  I still have the bottle I hit it Hard against Bricks Everything shatters And I p... Read Chapter

52

Submitted: November 06, 2017

“Stay away from me!” Pull the shard Across my paper skin Rips and waterfalls and red I’m on my knees Pulling an... Read Chapter

53

Submitted: November 06, 2017

I wake up in the bathtub.  Every single inch of my body is screaming.  My hands start shaking from the pain, rousing a ... Read Chapter

54

Submitted: November 06, 2017

“What day is it?” I murmur.  “Today? Monday.” Austin responds, tentatively helping me out of the bathtub.  “W... Read Chapter

55

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Alex leads me back to the bathroom, once his tears have dried up and his hands are steadier.  I still don’t feel real, feel li... Read Chapter

56

Submitted: November 06, 2017

I wake up screaming.  I’m trapped in a burning room, seeing the number seventeen plastered into every wall one second, but the... Read Chapter

57

Submitted: November 06, 2017

Alex wakes me up the next morning; he hasn’t moved all night, I’m still lay across his chest.  I can’t take a shower ... Read Chapter

58

Submitted: November 08, 2017

Science, RE, English - I get through three hours and a fifteen minute break by pretending I don’t exist, by tiptoeing and whispering an... Read Chapter

59

Submitted: November 08, 2017

“Do you think it’s wrong I’m worried about Marissa being alone with Alex?” I muse. I’m pouring salt packets across the tabl... Read Chapter

60

Submitted: November 11, 2017

Alex’s hand is on my throat. There’s powder carelessly scattered across the toilet roll holder. My back is crushed up against... Read Chapter

61

Submitted: November 11, 2017

I’m glad of the hoodie as I pass my mum, using it as a barrier to the fingermarks across my neck and the blood stains on my shirt. ... Read Chapter

62

Submitted: November 11, 2017

My dogs crash through my door at one in the morning, jerking me awake from the restless sleep I’ve been in. They’re panting, trem... Read Chapter

63

Submitted: November 11, 2017

My mum is crying her eyes out as I finally cajole her from the kitchen and upstairs.  Two noses are poking out of my door, ... Read Chapter

64

Submitted: November 11, 2017

History is second period. I’m late, walking inexplicably slowly - my hands are shaking and shaking.  My brain feels wrappe... Read Chapter

65

Submitted: November 14, 2017

“We’ll know when we get there. We’ll fucking know when he get there, he says.” I grumble, kicking a stone from the trail. It ... Read Chapter

66

Submitted: November 14, 2017

It takes an hour and a half of Alex cheerfully claiming ‘five more minutes!’ before we get to the camping spot. Both gu... Read Chapter

67

Submitted: November 14, 2017

We let Luke do all of the work - by the time he’s finished, the watery sun is hanging low over the horizon, and I’ve already been bit... Read Chapter

68

Submitted: November 14, 2017

We get bored after a few hours; Marissa and I decide to go on a wander, leaving Alex and Luke alone on the tent.  “My money’... Read Chapter

69

Submitted: November 21, 2017

We walk back hand in hand, coming across the wonderful scene of Luke and Alex in fits of laughter, trying to set fire to Marissa’s... Read Chapter

70

Submitted: December 15, 2017

“I think this might be private land, you know?” comes a dull set tone from the distance.  I pull my eyes away from the sight... Read Chapter

71

Submitted: December 16, 2017

By the time we get back, Alex and Lynn are still arguing, though by this point it’s mostly Alex’s laughter and Lynn’s flustered ran... Read Chapter

72

Submitted: February 13, 2018

Alex disappears after a while, after Lynn throws up over a hedge, after Aaron lurches to his feet to hold her hair and instead face ... Read Chapter

73

Submitted: February 19, 2018

Alex comes out of his tent after ten minutes, a huge grin lighting up his face, index finger streaked with blood.  He’s h... Read Chapter

74

Submitted: February 19, 2018

“I just want to say, Ris…that was some really solid advice, and I intend on following it, right now, actually. So have you seen Bobby... Read Chapter

75

Submitted: February 21, 2018

I don’t stop walking until the lights from the group are drowned by darkness and leaves, until I can just about see my hand in front of... Read Chapter

76

Submitted: February 21, 2018

I walk until I’m ready to collapse, stumbling over tree roots and falling more often than not.  My arms are covered in dried m... Read Chapter

77

Submitted: February 21, 2018

“So what’s the plan?” Alex murmurs, pulling a bottle of vodka out of his back pocket and unscrewing the cap.  He take... Read Chapter

78

Submitted: March 04, 2018

Alex’s nose is bleeding again. He spilled over tree roots and flew across the darkening forest, running and running until he almost... Read Chapter

79

Submitted: March 06, 2018

“You shouldn’t have followed him.” I blink sleepily at Austin. He’s the only one of us still conscious, aside from Alex and I... Read Chapter

80

Submitted: March 06, 2018


TRIGGER WARNING.
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81

Submitted: March 06, 2018


TRIGGER WARNING.
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82

Submitted: March 09, 2018

And so I run. I run until my lungs rip open and hiss out air, until my heart hammers out of the ribcage and explodes onto the grass i... Read Chapter

83

Submitted: March 09, 2018


TRIGGER WARNING.
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84

Submitted: March 16, 2018

Marissa and Luke sit there with me until the sun comes up.  We go through most of Alex’s cigarettes between us, even though th... Read Chapter

85

Submitted: March 16, 2018

Luke comes back eventually, cheeks red with exertion.  He’s holding all three of our bags; Marissa jumps up to take them, and ... Read Chapter

86

Submitted: March 23, 2018

It doesn’t take me long to finish the cigarette. I reach into my bag, tearing out a blank sheet of paper and scribbling a note with... Read Chapter

87

Submitted: March 23, 2018

There’s a note for me at home. Lyss - we need to talk. Mum.  How maternal. Head into the kitchen.  F... Read Chapter

88

Submitted: March 23, 2018


TRIGGER WARNING.
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89

Submitted: March 23, 2018

“You need to go to the hospital.” Luke’s lips, warm, in my ear. I’m so tired. And I’m on the floor. My head is ... Read Chapter

90

Submitted: March 23, 2018


TRIGGER WARNING.
Read Chapter

91

Submitted: March 23, 2018

I didn’t tell them his name. And they couldn’t make me talk. Sixteen hours until the water bleached me clean. A shiny new... Read Chapter

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