Kaynika: The Realm of Dragons

The Flabbergaster

A great beginning to your story, it's very well written and descriptive, giving the reader a great picture of the story's world. I'll be sure to read more, I'm intrigued!

LeParadisNoirPoetique

The beginning part to show why the world crumbled is excellent. It remains me of one of my favourite games ever Final Fantasy 7, where the main character enters a temple for a black orb that can summon the most devastation to the world, and when he takes it, the temple begins to shake and it destroys itself, because it was meant to be that the one who took it can never get out. I give you massive props there. You detail in describing how each region of Kaynika was affected when she took The Celestial Void is amazing, and it gave rich imagery of why the war lasted twenty years. It is a beautiful reason for why the war happened.

Kella is an excellent storyteller, and I like how the story switches from actual scenes to the story being told by Kella. It's a clever way of switching POV without switching between first and third. I like that the young dragon is interested in the story, like a pupil being told about the legends of the past. I for one know how much preparation this story took, and the way you are doing it is outstanding. Kaynika has some much lore to tell, and I love presenting it in book form, while we also see actual scenes of what happened. This is going to be a magical story :)

S.R.B. Gray

This was a pretty neat chapter! So, is Kella our main character? Regardless, I find her pretty cool already. Girl ended a darn war, and keeps the peace as the current ruler! Dunno why, but powerful female characters have always been my favorite kinds of characters to both craft, and read about. Anyways, since she started writing there at the end, will the majority of the story be about her role in the war? Or will it just serve as a background event? Just thinking about where things will go is getting me pumped for the rest!

Now, onto the intro. Working backwards through the chapter with this comment for some reason. Some winged girl drew an ancient sword, and the land was ravaged by war for twenty years following this event. Caused some kind of global scale cataclysm too. Celestial Void? Well gee, I don't think she should have pulled it at all.

But what are we gonna see next? Guess I'll have to wait until next time! Looking forward to the next one; be sure to let me know when it goes live!

Keke Serene

So I really appreciated he start of this chapter- sorry it was just a wee bit confusing though. I wasn't quite aware that the girl was looking for an entrance. But yeah, I actually feel like this chapter would've served better as a prologue, only bc you get a good overview of the world's history and a main player in the peace making- Kella.
Otherwise, great jobs with the action and descriptions as always, Shada. :)

Surfsup1292

wow, what to say tat hasn't been already been said? what i'm going to say has probably all been said, but i'll say it anyways! lol
The descriptions were great s always, keeping my attention all the way through to the end. the characters were kept a bit vague, which liked, just giving away enough to get a small sense of who they are, but kept mysterious enough to want to know more. i'm pretty excited to read on as you post. great work Shada :D

Islebabe

I really enjoy reading your book. For those of us not well-versed on all thing Fantasy, your description made it so easy to follow along. I like the idea of going on a journey with Kella as she fill the empty pages of the book. Another great chapter, Shada. Please keep me updated.

peacemaker06

Wow! I was captivated from start to finish and left wanting more! You are well on your way to becoming a master story teller my friend. This was epic and I’m chomping at the bit for more. Great job!!

smircle

Pulling that sword probably wasn't the best idea in the world O_o This is a really good start! Your descriptions are very well done, especially at the beginning. You built the suspense well, and I like how you explained a bit about the kingdoms in this chapter in a manner that didn't seem out of place; it kept to the flow of the story. I'd suggest maybe to vary the sentence length a bit; a mixture of long and short sentences help to build and abate tension, which seems to be quite important in this story. The change in POV at the end was well done, and you left it off at a good place, leaving the reader wondering just who this Ballator is. Good job; keep writing! :) ~smircle

Silgorious

Great descriptions, and a good start.
I think my dragons have a lot to learn from those in your kingdom! :)

dominiko

So as soon as I started reading, I was drawn in by the structure of your sentences and the great detail you put it into it. It is so easy to envision your world like that and I'm kinda jealous since it's a skill I'm trying to work on. After reading the prologue, I was quite surprised by what happened to the world. It makes sense I suppose since they were at war for such a long time. Even though she wasn't physically in it, I was happy at the mention of Ruby and If Kella finds her as inspiration, I'm sure I will come to like her as well. Is Kella the MC? I can't wait to see the power of the legendary blade. I don't have anything bad to say about this chapter except that it was once again well done. The only thing I would have mentioned as already been talked about on the icomments. This was a good chapter and it did its job because I want more.

pen in motion

It's very good shada! Ruby is my favorite character too. I wonder what happened to her, what feast will Elinsire have without her? Will the citizens still fall in love or live fearlessly without her? I'm bound to read more :)

ShadowLight120

Oooh, I like this chapter. The history contained in its words, and how the war began. But what did she mean by 'my citizens still don't know what really happened'? The imagery in your writing is fantastic.

S. Rasmussen

I must admit I'm not the biggest fan of long descriptions, so don't listen to me. As I thought the description were a bit too long. But don't listen to that

It was exciting that a winged creature stole the Celestial Void. And the consequences. That was actually a hook, or at least a near hook. Gonna read on

Kossettes Novellettes Being saved

So far im enjoying the dive back into your world mlady :)
At the beginning it did take a bit for me to realize that the girl was looking for an entrance but i know i dont pay much attention while reading. The descriptions really make my mond wander. But honestly your writing is full of a certain artistry to the setting so i programed myself to actually read it differently. All in all I love the story i missed your writing style soooooo much im just happy i get to see it again :)

Im actually giddy like i have this huge smile on my face hahahaha

Ill be exclusively going through this. I dont have many criticisms so sorry if this comment isnt really constructive. Ill try to be a bit more constructive and leave some critiques in later chapters. Riggt now im just enjoying myself

With love



Xoxo

Your # 1 fan

Kossettes :)

rickybelmont

Pretty sure I can't say anything else that has already been said but yeah, this was a great beginning to a book. It's written very and the descriptions are just... Awesome, they really do a good job at giving us a visual on your world. Is thst how it's said? I don't know but what I'm trying to say is you're very descriptive and I like it. I'll be sure to read more.

Trishala

I really loved this chapter, Shada! I'm appreciating the descriptive style you use, it's very easy to envision what you try to depict with your words, and I'm very curious as to who the Ballator is! Will be reading on :)