The Medicine Of The Soul - Ayahuasca (Part 1)

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A short story about the time I quit my job in Sweden and went to Peru to take ayahuasca.

Submitted: October 28, 2017

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Submitted: October 28, 2017

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”Im still tripping. I don’t know what time it is but I think its around 3am. The brew was ingested at 8:00. Good. Strong. Vomit.

I asked for healing. The answer was unexpected. I had doubt. Doubt was the stick in my wheel. Never again.”

My journey started in Lima after an impulse that I should quit my job in Sweden and go to Peru. It took only about one month after the idea popped up in my head till I was actually in Lima. I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting in to here or what I really expected out of this trip, but I could feel I was on a good path.

I stayed in Lima for my first 2 months and took spanish lessons to be able to communicate with the locals, who most of them spoke bad english or none at all. During this time I also did a bunch of researching of where the best place to do ayahuasca was. I found it to be around the town of Pucallpa, a jungle city, as it was said that most of the shamans originated from there.

The place where I decided I wanted to take my ayahuasca journey was called Santuario healing center. It was located in the jungle near a small village called Honoria, not too far from Pucallpa. I booked a 5 day retreat including 3 ceremonies of ayahuasca.

Eventually the time turned now and off I went to the jungle. I first took a flight from Lima to Pucallpa, where I stayed for 1 night at a hostel. The morning after I was picked up at the hostel by a guy who was supposed to take me to the centre.

We went by car for about 2,5 hours on a bumpy dirt road out from the city and into the wild. The car trip stopped when we arrived to the small village of Honoria and instead we kept going deeper into the jungle by a small boat for about 35 minutes. When we couldn't go further with the boat we walked the last 30 minutes through the jungle until we reached the centre. It was glorious.

Arriving to the site I was stunned by its beauty. The place was just next to a volcanic river that literally boiled in the middle of the thick amazonian jungle. I could right away feel that this area was magical.

Shortly after my arrival I was met by a thin peruvian man in well worn clothes named Lobo. He greeted me with a smile, and I could sense that this man was at great peace. He showed me to the room I was supposed to sleep in and told me that I could take a nap to recharge some energy for the evening. So I did.

When I woke up I was served lunch made out of boiled potatoes, quinoa, eggs and some vegetables.

The first ceremony was approaching and I felt the excitement building. I had waited a long time for this. Waited for the right place and time to come into reality. This was it.

I was lying in my bed with a lit candle next to it. I was nervous. I felt my heart beating fast and I tried to calm myself down by feeling my intention of why I was doing this. I wanted healing.

The time had come. It was 7:30PM and the people started gathering in the maloka (the big hut where the ceremony was held). I put on comfy clothes and went to join the ceremony. Entering the maloka I saw mattresses and pillows put out on the floor in a large circle for each person to sit or lie on, as well as buckets for vomit.  I picked a random seat.

We were all sitting quietly looking at the lit candle in the middle of the maloka. Me amongst 6 other people, all waiting for the shaman to enter and lead us through the ceremony. I could feel my heart beating fast.

The shaman entered. He was wearing a white shamanic robe as well as a headband with feathers and decors, along with his bag of shamanic goodies. I could feel him. His power. His intention. His aura shimmered in peace and greatness. Slowly he sat down at his seat.

The room was absolutely quiet as the shaman pulled out the bottle with the ayahuasca along with a wooden cup from his bag. Everyone was quiet.

”-Vas amigo.” The shaman said with a deep tone.

My time had come. I was being summoned to drink the holy brew.

I slowly stood up and walked over to the shaman. I sat down and looked the shaman in his eyes. He picked up the bottle containing the ayahuasca, in his other hand he held the carved wooden cup. He opened the bottle and slowly poured the thick brownish goo into the cup.

Once the cup was filled he lit a mapacho, a hand rolled cigarette with locally grown tobacco, and blew the thick smoke onto the filled cup in order to remove bad spirits and energies. Slowly he handed me the cup.

Please ayahuasca, help me heal my body and mind” I said quietly and proceeded to drink the brew, all in one chug. The taste was bitter but not as bad as I had imagined.

Gracias” I said to the shaman, and walked my way back to my spot.

Now it was all waiting left before I would enter the realm of enlightenment. It was said to take between 40 and 90 minutes before the effects would take place.

The candle in the middle of the maloka was put out. It was now complete darkness in the room along with an intensive pure silence. I could hear my heart beating.

Time was crawling by slowly as I sat there waiting. After what felt like about 45 minutes the ikaro started singing. Thats when you knew he had been starting to get visions from the ayahuasca.

Now I got excited. I knew that it was not long now before I would get visions too…

The clock kept ticking and after an estimated hour and a half I still barely had any visions at all. Only some very small colored dots in the dark.

Is this it? Did I come all the way out here for this? Frustration and disappointment had been starting to grow within me and I slowly began to become more and more disoriented in my mind.

How is this supposed to help me? What is it that I need help with? Why am I even here? I couldn't understand. Questions were flying around in my head and I started to feel anxiety and confusion building up inside of me.

It didn't take long before I lost my sense of time and got completely overwhelmed with emotion. I was lost in my own mind, confused and filled with anxiety. Why would I think this could help me, how could I be so naive..

When the confusion reached its peak I didn’t know what to do, why I was here, or what I was doing. I felt a severe dark energy building up within me, and I didn't know what to do with it. It got so intense I wanted to scream.

On its worst point, it appeared to me. Out of the dark it came to me like a billboard sign popping up out of nowhere. Believe.

It was so obvious. All I needed to do was to believe. Believe in the medicine. Believe in its healing power, and believe in myself. My struggle had been to see the logic in whole thing, I couldn't understand. I didn’t need to understand. All I needed was belief. Euphoria struck me hard.

My full focus was put on believing, and I was finally able to let myself flow along with the universe. Love charged visions filled my view as I was floating on the clouds of inner peace. Time did not exist in this place.

Out of nowhere came short a flash of light followed by a deep voice saying;

Amigo.”

The sound echoed inside of my head as I started to understand what was happening. The shaman was calling me.

I slowly stood up on my wobbly legs and started walking towards the shaman. My vision felt greatly impaired by the three-dimensional darkness, and the distance to the shaman seemed to be stretching out tenfold. Like a drunk person I stumbled through the dark room trying to make my way over to the shaman. It was a hard mission.

Eventually I made it over. Shortly after I had sat down in front of him, he started singing his medicine song while shaking an item made out of dried leaves above my head. This is where things really took off.

I shut my eyes and I felt like the shaman was floating above me while I was thrown into a universe of colors and unity. My physical body was out of question as I was floating along in the massive systematic flow of indescribable events.

-”Manos” the shaman said with a deep echoing tone. He wanted my hands.

I held my hands in the air in front of him as he carefully handed me the blessed mapacho. The mission had been completed.

I went back to my place and kept on tripping hard. Memories were flashing by my mind. Childhood memories. Me and my grandpa. This became very emotional for me as my grandpa passed away the day I arrived to Peru and I missed his funeral. This was the time I truly realized that I will never meet my grandpa again. It was painful.

Time kept sneaking by like a snake in the grass and out of nowhere came a strong flash of light. I opened my eyes and was stunned by my sight. Like a holy statue the shaman had suddenly appeared in front of me.

-”Cigarrito” He said with his deep overwhelming voice. He wanted me to hand him the mapacho I got from him earlier.

I handed him the mapacho, and as he lit it his face shimmered of energy. He blew the smoke onto my chest along with a blessing supposed to protect me from bad spirits. He then handed me the lit mapacho, and I assumed I was supposed to smoke it.

The smoke from the mapacho was thick and had the sweet smell of cigar. I took a drag from it and I noticed right away that the strength of this was way out of my league. My stomach instantly started protesting and I started swiping the floor around with my arms, trying to find my bucket. It didn’t take three seconds from the smoke had entered my lungs before the projectile vomiting along with my fierce demonic roars had started. I filled a good portion of that bucket.

When the vomit fest had ended I felt renewed. Cleansed, purified and thankful. Thankful for everything that had led me to this moment. My family, my friends, all the people I have met, how the universe had played its course, and last but not least - myself. Thanks me for being me.

I was floating. Floating in the most beautiful universe there ever was. The ikaro had now been starting to play the guitar along with his song, and I can honestly say that I have never heard someone play the guitar as beautiful as that was. It was perfect.

A lot of insight about my life occurred at this point. I realized that I am an addict. Not by substance abuse, but from stimulation in general. I always need something extra to feel satisfied, and it hurts my ability to focus on whats important. It’s the reason why I long so much for the clock to hit 4 at work so I can go home, and it’s the reason why my focus levels on tasks I find boring quickly disperse. I don’t have concentration issues, and I am not undisciplined. I am an addict of stimulation.

I noticed the effects of the ayahuasca were starting to taper off and I could start to feel how tired and exhausted I was. Wow I was thinking for myself. This was ayahuasca.

Eventually people started leaving the maloka. The ceremony was over.

I said goodnight to the shaman and stumbled away to my room to go to sleep. As I was lying in my bed I realized that falling asleep was a lot harder than I had expected. My mind was still running wild. I didn't mind. All I could feel was peace. I was in love with world and I felt that everything was going to be alright. I fell asleep with a smile.

 

 

Next up - Ceremony no.2: The loss of my soul. Delusive agony. Redemption.


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