The Forsaken Race - The Hidden Truth
Book by: Raven Akuma
Reads: 17778 | Likes: 57 | Shelves: 27 | Comments: 73
In a nameless world, the Aubade Sylphs are the largest race with the most powerful kingdom. Their residents live in harmony and happiness. Except for one pariah, Kita Rein. With only two friends, no family, and a very bad reputation, her life has been a struggle. As she starts to experience feigning madness, though, she is brought down and gets closer to breaking. In her desperation for a cure, she begrudgingly accepts the challenge from her own mind, following a discreet path to a long-hidden story. Her beloved and kind queen, Corelia Erxina, reveals the war they’ve been waging and the danger from one specific tribe. Kita ignores the warnings and sets off for a cure and explanation, but the world beyond Sybilius is ruthless, cold, and chaotic. Notorious demon masters, Leiytning and Thundur, are more than happy to prove just how worthless and feeble she is out here. The answers she wants are buried in the darkest corners of this land, and finding them will take more effort than she ever imagined. Leaving her to question, can she find them before succumbing to the danger, or her own madness? Or will demons claim another victim?
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This was a great chapter! I kinda feel bad for Kita, she also has those scary dreams. I'm really interested to see what those are! I like it!
Tue, February 13th, 2018 10:04amI’m hooked, Raven. So pumped to read the rest of this book. That prologue. Wow! Great start and this first chapter is great too. Makes me want to know what this dream is about. Great write. Please do consider reading some of my Pussy Reaper’s series. Thanks and blessings,
Joy
It's good to have a map, but when it's so simple and self explanatory, I would say you should drop it. If there were capital and a couple of islands around, I would say you should keep it
Ok. Dream. The way you told about the dreams was making me think she woke up, then fell asleep, then woke up and then fell asleep. I would tell it another way. However the dream creates a lot of interesting possibilities and mysteries, making me curious
And there the person shows up and gives us exposition, ruining the mystery. Ok, he replaced it with a weaker mystery of "what will her fate be like"? Also, here there be tropes. Here is the talking to person at night trope, if it isn't a weak cliche. And it seems to be a destiny's keeper or something
Hmm, that was a creepy creature. My first reaction was the attacker from the previous chapter. My second reaction was the Grim Reaper
Nice descriptions as she woke up. Now I'm mostly curious on if she lives alone. The previous chapter would imply they're from the far past, but now I'm curious to what era she is in. Hopes: living alone in the modern area. Let's see if that's true
Wait. You explained about the dreams now? Why did you have to confuse me with explanation earlier? Also, cute dog. I imagined it as Finoa's puppy from Shrek 2
She has bad reputation? I'm curious. And who are these Yuna and Mao? I'm curious about that as well. And why did she force herself out of the train of thoughts when her father was mentioned? I like these mysteries
This was a good chapter. You did what most people tell you to not do with a chapter : have a dream and then wake up to a casual day. In other words, how like 50% of YA opens. However, you did this and nailed it! There were one or two things I pointed out, but else? Great. I could see the scenery if I tried, so your description is almost perfect there. And you make the reader ask questions, creating mystery and tension. Great
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Wow, this advice is great! I am starting to see that the "wake up from mysterious dream" beginning is pretty cliche. Despite being a teenager, I am kind of stuck in the older times. I'm drawn to some classic "cliche" things like that setup, but it does get annoying when you're trying to be original...and failing at it XD
Also, map noted. I think I might just take it down, it doesn't really do anything.
For the sake of avoiding spoilers, I won't really give an answer about Kita's father, or the creature (sorry!), but that question about Yuna and Mao actually gets answered soon.
The dreams themselves, and the message, wasn't really the intended mystery...kind of? Idk, there's more to the story than JUST those, and I think I kind of twisted things later on to the point that it's still surprising while fitting in. Not an easy thing to do, found that out the hard way, lol.
Anyways, thank you for reading, and commenting with this valuable feedback! :)
Hi, after you fanned me back, I thought I'd stop by and read. I must say that anime isn't really my style, but this sounds pretty cool. I like how it gives a medieval war vibe, but it's like...inhuman, I think is the word. I'll read more soon (I'm not really a binge-reader, sorry).
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Blankly-Dreaming
Wow! Well, this book is interesting, especially the dream. Although dream starts are common, it still depends on what it shows and in my opinion this one is a nicely written.
Fri, January 5th, 2018 1:06amYour descriptions are great too! It's easier to imagine what the characters do and see.
So Kita, I can relate to her, somehow hahaha. Being that weird one who only had a handful of friends who accepts him for who he is. So, yeah, I'm excited to see what you did with her character
Great Start, beautiful description, interesting characters and exciting plot!
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thanks for the feedback! Kita is a special character, and she's one of my personal favorites, so I'm glad you like her.
Thu, January 4th, 2018 6:18pmThe descriptions are a little tricky because, you know, it's a fantasy-anime book, so there's gonna be some weird stuff...anyways, it's good to hear that they're not as bad as I thought they were, lol