love isn't a game

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 30, 2017

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Submitted: October 30, 2017

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We pretty much started to talk every day when he moved to my school. He was so sweet to me. We would text every day for hours and hours, I thought everything was going great. I had told my friends about how much I liked him, about how great everything was going between us.

However, one day he came up to me. "Okay, I really like this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her," My heart started to beat fast against my chest, and my palms started to sweat. All I could do was think, 'Is it me.' "Go on," I said, by this time my cheeks hot and red. "Well, I want to be her boyfriend," he smiled. "And?" I replied "She's the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. I really like her..." "Who is it?!" I ask "Milly, can you give me her number please?" "Oh. Um, sure. I'll text it to you later.”

 I ran to the bathroom and started to cry. Milly, was my best friend and she had stolen him away from me. How could this happen. I stared at myself in the mirror. Am I so bad? I stared at myself through the mirror, thinking, "What's wrong with me?"

The next day he started to text me, saying, so how about that number? I didn't respond. I just laid there in a ball sobbing. I glanced up and saw my reflection staring back at me. I realized my problem.

"It's because I'm too boring."

With my hands shaking, I opened the bathroom door. I went up to the sink, and saw but another reflection of myself. I wanted this done.


I picked up the needle, and shoved it into my nose.


I started to cry. But I kept going. Within the next week, I had a nose ring in, my hair dyed a different color, but I still got no attention. I couldn't take this any longer. When I got home, I ran to my bedroom and tried to cut myself with a razor blade. I was screaming and crying. Nothing happened.

"WHY GOD? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?" I screamed in between sobs. "Why..."

I suddenly stopped crying. I calmly walked to my desk, and grabbed a pencil.

With my heart racing, I started to write.
"I'm really sorry. I can't do it anymore. I have tried and tried but nothing works. I'm so sad and alone. I can't do anything about it. If I am not hurting myself, I am hurting everyone around me and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't live my life and I can barely remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I put on a smile, but it isn’t real?”

I read through the note repeatedly, and signed it with my name.
Tears, dotted throughout the page. Violently shaking, I fold up the note, and laid it on the desk. I slowly walk up to my closet.

I think, just one last time.

I go into the closet, and finds a scarf. I tie it into a loop, and attaches it to the fan in my bedroom.

My face turns purple as the life starts to rush out of me. I know I can't scream, I haven’t got enough energy in me.

"Love isn't a game. You can't play with people’s heart without somebody getting hurt."


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