She's the little deer

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


A descriptive short narration of a young lady's thoughts

Submitted: November 01, 2017

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Submitted: November 01, 2017

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And I asked the little deer, “why are you still hurting” it answered, “because my soul was kissed by the beauty of his internal world, in a way I could never let go”

They thought she was silent, she wasn’t, there wasn’t one to listen.

Finding the right one to listen, she opened her world of uncertainty, pain, and unconditional joy, and all hidden behind the shades of her pinkie finger…
All thanks to the one who found her, unraveled her, conquered her, and in all, found the straight to leave her. He didn’t know... he held the string of her soul and took it as he walked away.

To every night she laid and remember how much she cried as he turned his back, to every morning she woke up wishing she didn’t, to every day that went through as quick as a blink of an eye, staring at the ceiling of her room, meditating on the absolution of nothingness.

So much to think of, where to start, she cared for him, he probably did too,
she forgave him but haven’t found the straight to forgive herself,
she justified his every flaw but couldn't find reasons to justify hers, she still cares…

She wanted hearts and flowers, he was made of them all, and much more,
he offered more, more than she could handle,
he had all the experience in the world to either make her happy or to break her into pieces… well, he did bits of both.

And you ask why is she still hurting, he kissed her soul with the beauty of his internal world, in a way she could never let go.

Her mind goes beyond the seas; what if she never gets to see him again... What he’s done to her is beyond comprehension, beyond explanation, an accurate imagination. She never believed in change but he did; he changed her. In her action of justifying him, she wants to believe he’s done her more good than harm.

Now the thoughts of him were stronger than reality, you know how you get so into thoughts; create your own perfect imaginary world to soothe the pain, resulting in the inability to handle the actual imperfection of what's real…

The dark knight got hit by two arrows. The first one long before he had found the deer. The second one, while he still dragged the deer by its soul. The first he got healed from, the second he still bears pain from. Somehow, someway, in all that hurt he remembered the deer and reached out for it…

…it realized that the dark knight was never dark, he was lost and lonely in the dark, he found a way to cure the pain, one that hurt the deer, he didn’t know, how could he, where his purpose, his values, they laid upon love and light. On his knees he fell, oh the tears as well, now the knight has found a fault on his side to bear.

The deer never hated him, it knew there was good in him, broken pieces started to come together as it witnesses the knight break… in that she became whole.

Even at peace, she lures for him, silently, quietly… oh, what is it about this man she can’t get over? Is it his eyes of deep color, or his gaze of innocence or perhaps his touch that silences everything, is it his passion for the unknown or his absolute possession of strength being… him…
Is it her fear that he once conquered or the fear of giving in?
Don’t ask if she’s in love, love is light and has got nothing to hide, but right here she is forming her own chamber of secrets both dark and bright both deep and shallow.

In this, she now knows she’s still…

Without reasonable doubt, she addicted to his satisfaction. The though and only of him being upset over her drew her closer to her mental disarrangement, she though for no second and acted with no self-control…

After a while of pushing and pulling when she finally gave in to a shade of her dark desire, she felt no regret, she felt conqueror and conquered, she felt...
but wait,
what is that little weight of despair rising within her, as she walks up the long hill, alone with no one but the wind, what are these innocent voices trying to say… what are they saying… what are… and in those silent questions, she fell into quiet sleep.

In this place of thought, not paying tribute to regret, she ponders, how could she have made things differently, in this selfish thought she closes her eyes and imagine laying on the green grass, having the sun warming up her face, hearing the calm breeze harmonising with the voices of the birds, she wants that feeling back, that of an unoccupied purity.

Caught in her world of imaginary perfection

Feeling she had a chance to his heart, she was wrong

He was in love with the other, using her to forget, though he won’t admit, though he tried to hide, the pureness in his eyes made her fall in love, not until now she couldn’t admit it.

He fell for the absence of love she gracefully filled with her presence… she compliments herself for that;  for feeling a man’s heart with completeness, even if it lasted just a few seconds…

She was a substitute to his broken mess, she knew, and still chose him,
how foolish of her.

She won’t lie to herself to believe that he would ever do to her against her will. He was always respectful of her, and only crossed the boundaries that deep down she wanted him to cross. As much as she would like to argue that she’s left with paid, she insists he’s done her more good than harm. 


© Copyright 2018 Iyayi. All rights reserved.

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