Bare Bottom (A Shakespeare Creative Adaptation)

Reads: 111  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


I originally did this as an assignment for English last year, and it brought back fond memories. The character Bottom is not my own, and a few of the lines were adapted from Shakespeare's Midsummer
Night's Dream.

Submitted: November 01, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 01, 2017

A A A

A A A


’’Updated Apr-03-17











 

Bare Bottom

By

Dan Zuniga

























 

  1. A STAGE, ANCIENT ATHENS, MIDSUMMER EVENING

 

THE MECHANICALS ARE UP AND ABOUT, PREPARING TO PUT ON A PRODUCTION OF ‘PYRAMUS AND THISBE;’ HOWEVER, ONE OF THE MAIN ACTORS IS HAVING TROUBLE DECIDING HOW HE WILL APPROACH THE ROLE

 

ENTER BOTTOM THE WEAVER

Bottom

(Rehearsing)

‘And mine thine eyne do spy, I go forth betwixt thy thighs.’

Dastardly Quince! He hath impoverished my delivery.

Methinks I will but swill from thy rafter ‘ere the rooster peck the wandering lamp.

 

ENTER QUINCE

Quince

Hail, Bottom, the grand Pyramus.

 

Bottom

Not be, shallow Quince: for no ice hath disrupt the crisp wilt of sky o’er Bottom. But Pyramus be I.

 

Quince

Most, if not full hath the chamber gathered to keen thy performance.

 

Bottom

Fair it is, for I shall glance thy maidens and magistrates:

Do see they gleefully eschew thy production.

 

Quince

As it was. Grace thy stage upon the leave of the Prologue.

Fair thee well, burr Bottom.

 

EXIT QUINCE

Bottom

Back o’er mine affairs do I attend.

 

WHILE BOTTOM CONTINUES TO REHEARSE, A SEPARATE OCCURRENCE TAKES PLACE OPPOSITE HIM

 

ENTER FIVE THESPIANS: BULLY, BARD, BENEVOLENCE, BOOB, & BRIANNA

 

Bully

(Addressing Thespians)

Now we shalt adhere to the ancient law placed by mandible: we, as a company, shan't interfere during thy Bottom’s delivery, nor we were to aid or abet his person in any way, lest there be four-and-one lashes. May I ask to appease an understanding?

 

Boob

Nay, for we hath broken this arduous rule aplenty: hither there be a tramp among our company.

 

Brianna

For naught, foul Boob. Thine head Bottom been curious as of late. Methinks his drag be most pleasant.

 

Benevolence

Most certainly. Thy gracious Bottom grant us sanctum betwixt thy folds of his temple. Why, we should but aid, as he hath aided us.

 

Bully

Nay, Benevolence, for we shan’t abandon such ancient customs.

What say you, Bard?

 

Bard

It’s impotent to just leave him be. We push too hard, and he’s going to have a crisis.

 

Benevolence

Thy foul language, Bard! Dare take such a tongue as serpentine as thee?

 

Boob

For shame. Not yea even Boob dare to wander such extremities.

 

Brianna

Not more I, for mine shock at such crazed lingo as thy own, Bard, match moreso my disdain for thine Boob.

 

Bard

Me, speaking strange? Look at yourselves. Your diction wouldn’t be out of place in 17th-Century England, but a modern play such as our own...pure nonsense.

 

Bully

Nay shall thee continue this path, Bard, or thy rage shalt hasten for asylum elsewhere.

 

Bard

Where do I go, then? We’re abstract concepts meant to enhance the characteristics of the person we exist within. We make up Bottom’s personality. Frankly, I’m feeling a bit under-appreciated here. My contributions number equally to those of the honorable Bully. My wit is as tasteful as that of Boob, and maybe even moreso. My care is greater than that of Benevolence, and my nature is sweeter than that of Brianna.

 

Bully

Thy trap be shut, Bard! Not an utterance further.

 

Brianna

Be it so, he shan’t silence us all.

 

Boob

Care for how, egregious Brianna! Thy syllables fall under deaf ears!

 

Benevolence

No struggle be more invigorating than this!

 

A BABBLE AMONG THE PERSONALITIES BREAKS OUT. MEANWHILE, BOTTOM HAS FINISHED REHEARSING, AND IS APPLYING MAKEUP AND ADORNING HIS COSTUME.

LIGHTS UP ON BOTTOM

Bottom

Here be an ear-rectifying palate presented on this Midsummer evening. Lest I continue to glance upon thy written scripture, I haste not to woe mine temperament.

 

AS BOTTOM REHEARSES, ENTER QUINCE

 

Quince

“If we offend, it is with our good-intent.”

Not be for little, but methinks ‘intent’ feign deceptive.

Hearsay Bottom, how do I find thou?

 

Bottom

Not well at all. For I speak myself ill only because I feel so.

Mine eyne strain to witness the light, and my head doth feel a peckish ring about my earholes.

 

Quince

For what glory do your holes present? How now shalt you be in time for your debut?

 

BOTTOM STAGGERS TO THE FLOOR

Bottom

I find myself weak. Rest I must. Wake me upon the cows growl.

 

AS QUINCE FUSSES OVER BOTTOM, LIGHTS COME UP ON PERSONALITIES, WHO ARE FIGHTING FOR CONTROL

Bully

(grappling Bard)

Relent, wicked Bard. Thou attempts to do harm prove futile in the course of his hour.

 

Bard

As the being in charge of Bottom’s delivery, I think it necessary that I dictate what be said tonight.

 

Benevolence

Nay, Bard. You shan’t control few.

THE PERSONALITIES STOP ARGUING AMONGST THEMSELVES & LOOK UP AS QUINCE’s VOICE COMES THROUGH ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE

 

Quince

Godspeed, Bottom: rise to thy heels and stand proud, whilst I utter thy Prologue.

 

QUINCE EXITS, AND HIS VOICE IS HEARD AS THE PLAY STARTS

 

Prologue

“If we offend, it is with our goodwill…”

 

Bully

For naught, we mustn't abandon thy effort.

Rise Bottom, gracious o’er seer.

 

Benevolence

Rise Bottom, oh wondrous fringe.

 

Brianna

Rise Bottom, most adorning leader.

 

Boob

Rise Bottom, must you see thy moonlight.

 

Bard

(Sarcastic)

Oh Captain, my captain.  

 

BOTTOM BEGINS TO STAGGER TO HIS FEET AND REACHES FOR HIS SWORD

 

Prologue

“...till truth make all things plain. This man is Pyramus…”

 

A SILENCE IS HEARD, ONSTAGE AND AMONG THE PERSONALITIES

 

Prologue

(Nervously)

“...This man, Pyramus, who hath destined folly as of late…”

Bully

Forward must we trek should Bottom finish his performance.

 

Bard

Fine. But if this scene is written out of the play, the audience should at least know why.

 

Benevolence

Mayhap a youth write of our struggle someday.

 

BOTTOM MOVES TOWARDS THE STAGE, URGED ON BY THE PERSONALITIES AND A VERY RELUCTANT BARD

 

AS THE PERSONALITIES AND BOTTOM FADE OUT, A LIGHT COMES UP ON A MAN IN THE RAFTERS: WITH A LOOK DOWNWARDS AT THE ACTORS, AND THEN AT THE AUDIENCE, HE WINKS AND DISAPPEARS

 

SCENE FADEOUT

PLAY END


 

Word Count: 994

 


© Copyright 2018 Dan Zuniga. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Booksie 2018 Poetry Contest

Booksie Popular Content

Other Content by Dan Zuniga

Popular Tags