Imprisoned

Poem by: TravellerZo

Reads: 924 | Likes: 8 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 4

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The persona cries against the restraints of the system he is in. You might say he’s in school...

Chained to a creaker

of a chair

the metal holds, my freedom-breakers,

i swear

write, write, write

what someone else has already penned;

I’m told to get it right

be banned banned banned

from leaving through that door,

door, door, what for

wouldn’t they let me out?

Here, waiting to finish my sentence

factoid left half-done

i see through this pretense

of the system,

can I run?

From this information-filler

nonsense

and not fear a hope-killer

looming, croner in a corner

i do not wish to act

anymore.

these textbooks fed to me; a quack!

a bore.

they say I can’t

survive without them

they’re right

if they never release me.

enough, i insist.

One year more, they persist

and they always win,

because this is their game

it has always been.

their system, they’re the system.

But one day, I’ll escape.

Yet, that would be my history

but they’ll never be a part of me.

Because by then, my life would be

my own.

I’ll finally be free.

Submitted: November 04, 2017

Other school freedom prison chains system

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Comments

hullabaloo22

TravellerZo, I think a lot of readers will relate to this one. Nicely composed frustration piece.

Sat, November 4th, 2017 7:01pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! And I guess it is kinda relatable since we’re all under some form of system that always have imperfections since all systems are run by humans

Sun, November 5th, 2017 3:47am

rickybelmont

Hey! Nice poem! It took me a while to understand but I did get the message. It is very relatable and for some reason it reminded of the song "father and son". It was nicely written but there is one, tiny mistake. You need to have all the I's in capital. Just thought I say because the grammar nazis might attack you haha. Anyways that's it for me :)

ps I did not do this for the chain. I came here because I thought I'd review a work of yours because you reviewed mine. :)

Mon, November 6th, 2017 1:17pm

Author
Reply

Hi! Thanks for taking the time; you really must have read this poem thoroughly and I appreciate that

Oh btw, the random capitalization was intentional. I wanted the persona to have a sense of rebellion, having purposeful disorder in an order he is trapped in. Sometimes the ‘i’ is in small letters because the persona feels small and unnoted. It’s subtle, maybe too subtle, but I’m using techniques here!

Cheers, Zo

Mon, November 6th, 2017 6:43am

Katilly

This piece of writing has clear emotions in it, shown through carefully picked words. I like how you repeat phrases along with great rhyming. The way it is set out and written also adds to the feel of trapped, or perhaps not belonging. One thing I did notice was some capitalisation mistakes and change in tense. For example, at the top it said “Chained to a creaker” but further down it changes to present tense with “I see”. It’s a simple mistake but that was pretty much all I noticed in the way of grammatical and punctual errors. Overall, it was a great poem:)

Sun, November 12th, 2017 1:31am