My Epiphany

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic


A short journey through the life of a young schizophrenic.

Submitted: November 09, 2017

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Submitted: November 09, 2017

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I had an epiphany yesterday. And in fact, the day before that, too. I can’t really tell you about it, or talk about it at all, really. It’s more a matter of me not knowing where to start, and where to end, but I suppose I could try.

 It started with the flicker of a match, and the lighting of a cigarette. 

I sat there, alone, under the bridge that I call home, smoking my cancer stick. I heard the roar of the mobile tin cans over my head, and I heard the clamoring of all the fish inside the tin cans. They’re restless, those fish. Always honking and beeping at one another, always going too fast and too far. It doesn’t bother me though, because they’re only fishes. Anyway, I sat there, under the bridge, the bridge that I call home. And a little light came to me as I sat there sucking on my cowboy killer, and the light spoke to me. 

“An orange a day keeps the zoo in your head away!” The light said to me. And then, it was gone, just like that! I was confused, but not particularly, because that type of shenanigan happens to me quite often. That light, and what it said, it got me thinking. What purpose does an orange have to me? Why would that little light talk to me about an orange? And so, I got out from under my home, my bridge, and I went for a walk. I walked along the spiraling runways, I walked along, among all the fishes, and I walked to my little shop. It was a nice little walk, and it took only about half a minute. It was a nice little corner of the world that I went to, and it was named after my grand old father, Jurgen’s Eternity. No one ever went into Jurgen’s, no one ever even saw Jurgen’s, I think. None of the fishes ever notice places like Jurgen’s. So I went into Jurgen’s, and I walked through its decrepit aisles, into the back of the store, where they kept all their livestock and fruits. The cow named Mars moo-ed at me, and I moo-ed back at him.  I hadn’t seen him in a good while, and I thought he had been slaughtered. Turns out he was right there the entire time! Unfortunately tomorrow was his death-day, anyway, he was going to be made into little cubes of meat and fat. Don’t tell Mars, though. He’ll probably run away. Anyway, I walked past Mars and all the chickens and lizards, and I went into the fruit section. This was my favorite section in the store. In the corner there was a screaming watermelon, and around all the fruits was a cloud of nasty, angry devil-flies, humming about, waiting for a fish to kill. The fish never came, but the devil-flies could hope, I told them every day. Hope is our only savior! My mom once told me that. Anyway, I picked out an orange, and the orange-ness of this particular orange shocked me. It shocked me to my core, and in fact, I was so shocked that I fainted right there on the spot! 

DARKNESS DARKNESS DARKNESS DARKNESS OH SO DARK DARK DARK D-

And there was my epiphany, the first day. Now, let me tell you about my second epiphany.

I was talking to my friend, Mercy, at her house, and she was a little sad. She was upset because her mom found out that she had snorted cocaine once, or something similar. Maybe it was twice. I don’t quite remember.  I said to her, “Mercy, you are 26! You have a stable job. You’re allowed to do as you please!” I said that to her, and I really meant it. I think Mercy felt a little better after I talked to her a bit about it, because after I said that, she kissed me! And her lips were made of ice, it seemed, because they froze me solid. She grabbed me, and she wrestled with me, and I wrestled with her, even though I was frozen solid. Our lips danced, and they sung a song, and eventually our bodies joined in, and we were having sex. Mercy and I always did this, I don’t quite understand why. I don’t think I like sex, but I like Mercy, so I just always went with the flow. And so we played chess with our parts, and so we danced in the light of her living room window. It was a passionate, but sad dance. It made me sad, at least. Mercy’s body was heavenly, but all the same it only made me feel alone. All the twirling and the rolling made me just a tad sick, and I excused myself after a bit of time to go to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, and I hurled. I hurled and I sung and I cried in that bathroom, all at once, but still, not at the same time. It was confusing. I went blind for a moment, and as I sat there in my pool of hurl, Mercy came running over. And a fucking idiot I am, I left the door wide open! She came running, and she saw me there, hurling and singing and crying. She looked quite shocked, disgusted, and sad.

I looked at her, and asked her, squeamishly, “What’s up?”

She just stared for a while, but after a bit, she said something, something quite profound.


“You need help.”

 

 


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