Life Is A Story

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Nathan's struggles with self-doubt

Ololololol...gawd I hate myself hahaha

Chapter 17 (v.1) - In Doubt

Submitted: March 01, 2018

Reads: 184

Comments: 4

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Submitted: March 01, 2018



Nathan and Rex are walking back home. They are walking down a hill on the cobblestone sidewalk. The sun is near setting as so light post ahead of them started lighting up one by one.

A one-sided conversation is going on between them. Rex is trying to talk to Nathan in the usual manner while Nathan is just somewhat going along with it without saying anything.

Rex is looking down at Nathan who is looking away, watching the lights from the light posts. He has said a lot of stupid things, but, why has he not responded in any way. It was normal for him to be quiet, but this attitude he's just being so snob right now.

As Rex stared at him, Nathan glared back at him as if telling him to look away. Rex noticed and scratched his head and tried to talk normal again...

"Hey! About that book I gave you," he spoke. nervously. "Can I take it home for a bit? I'm almost at the last part"

Nathan stopped in his tracks and reached into his bag. He took out a book and placed it on Rex's chest and turned away and continued walking.

"T-thanks..." Rex said as he looked at the book cover.

Ignoring his thanks, Nathan kept looking ahead, walking the now is nowhere to be seen and black slowly covers the sky. Rex jogged to catch up with him as he was a bit behind. He puts on a grin to try and give out a good mood. Seeing him ran up to his side with a grin made Nathan a bit irritated.

"What do you want?" Nathan asked looking away.

"Just don't wanna get...left behind," he said replacing the grin from his face with a gentle smile.

Nathan didn't respond and just continued walking. Rex looked at him, sadly knowing he still isn't acting like himself.

"Hey..." he called looking at the pavement and then looked at Nathan again. "Is something going on?"

Nathan looked at him with unsure eyes and angry eyes.

"Didn't I say it? Nothing!"

"Come on Nathan, you're getting worse at hiding it. Somethings messing your head. Tell me about it! I'm your best friend I'll listen to you" Rex stopped walking as he tried talking to him.

However, Nathan just sobbed him and walked past him. He tried calling out but he didn't stop. Rex ran after him under a streetlight and grabbed his shoulder turning him around to face him.

"Nathan, please, we're all getting worried at you..."

Nathan answered him angrily. "Why? Is it because I'm being pathetic?"

"What?" Rex uttered in confusion.

"I knew it... Stop worrying about me. Don't make me face it. I'm well enough to not face the truth, don't make me feel pathetic..." Nathan turned around and started walking again.

"Nathan, please, I don't know what you're talking about," he called him again but he didn't answer. So again, he had to catch up, but before he could reach his shoulder, Nathan turned around angrily.

"You're my 'best friend' right? I'm sure you can understand." he faced away and spoke sadly. "Or...or maybe, you guys never really has seen me as a friend...."

Rex's confusion just became worse. "I understand you, but...but...but I can't if you won't say anything. Please, your friends are being worried about you..." Rex said smiling at him.

Nathan turned around and saw him smile. Unfortunately, his insecurity and negativity took it the wrong way and saw it as him pitying him.

His brows scrunched and he walked closer to him. Without thinking he raised his hand. Rex looked at him confused but before he realized his hand has hit his face sending him stepping back a bit.

"Ow... I know you're mad but what was that for?"

Hearing Rex Nathan suddenly realized what he did and turned around. "So-sorry" he stuttered and ran off.

"Wait!" Rex tried to stop him but he didn't listen till he turned a corner and out of Rex's sight.

He simply sighed and walked away. He thought maybe he just needs some time alone. Hopefully, he'll get it back together somehow. As he started walking back, he held his cheek that Nathan hit. He still can't believe that Nathan would hit him, this is probably the first time he hit him, no matter how stupid he gets. As a matter of fact, its the first time he actually see him hit someone like that. He pinched his cheek while he thought. He flinched as it actually hurts...

Nathan meanwhile stopped running and is now just walking home under the dimly lit streetlights. He is looking at his hand which he hit Rex with. He still can't believe what he did, why? He actually hit Rex... He's supposed to be there behind their back, to be their support. He's trying his best to be stronger and stand up for himself but...why does it seem like it was just doing the exact opposite.

In thought, he stopped under one of the lit lights and looked at the empty street.

"Why am I hurting them" he asked frustrated. It was confusing him, who was he frustrated to? Rex? Sandra? Kyle? His friends? Bill? Or himself? He didnt know.

"Am I really being strong this way?" he asked again, clenching his fist.

With that in thought, he continued walking home. He reached their house, he entered and saw his father again, in front of their TV playing his games.

"Youre pretty late son, your mom and I are just waiting for you so we can eat together?" his father asked.

"Just some...things dad..." he said lifelessly

His father noticed the sadness in his voice and outs down the controller. He stood up and slowly approached him as he sits at the dinner table staring at the food placed on it. His father sat beside him and leaned to him.

"Is something bothering you son?"

"It's nothing dad..." he lied

"You gotta make up a better lie than that. I've seen a lot in the games we played so it wont work on me anymore."

Nathan smiled a bit and looked at his dad. "Dad, it's really-"

"Is this about that girl again son?" his dad gave him a skeptical smirk.

Nathan sighed knowing he's dad wont stop grilling him. "I could say that..."

"My son is really turning into a man" he joked.

Suddenly a woman came out of the kitchen hiding a pot putting out a savory flavor in the air.

"Looks like you two are having fun..." she called as she approached the table and put the pot down.

With that the conversation between him and his dad ended and they started eating. Then his parents as him again if everything was going great even without wearing his glasses. They were so glad to hear him said that he's still able to see clearly thinking that his eyes have improved. However, this was a lie and Nathan is actually having a pretty hard time. Nathan finished and decided to excuse himself and went to his room.

He entered and saw his phone blinking. Opening it he saw messages from his friends asking him how he is doing and a message from Rex apologizing to him.

He lied down in bed, putting his arm over his head as he reads the messages. His fingers itched to press and reply to them but, he just doesn't know what to say or how he should reply.

His thoughts are all over the place.

"His looking pathetic..."

The phrase that came from the girl he has feelings for is really affecting him. Is he really that pathetic? Helpless? Are they concerned to him because he was their friend or was it just because they're afraid he's too weak to handle with the issues his dealing with. Is Rex apologizing because he wanted to make sure things are okay between them, or was it just because he thinks what he said offended him.

Then he got to the last message... Sandra's

"Hey Nathan, I know you're feeling a bit down lately. I just wanna say that... We're all also here for you like you are for us. We'll always be here to help you. Stay strong :)"

The message contained.

Upon reading it, he lowered his arm down to cover his eyes and put the phone down beside him.

"Is this concern or pity?" he asked confused...

Ultimstely, he fell asleep thinking to himself, looking down at his image. Doubting himself...

The following days passed. Nathan continued acting oddly to. He didn't pick a fight with Bill anymore but his friends felt as if he was avoiding them. The dark cloud above him was still felt by the people around him, his friends, teachers and his parents. Everytime they'd try talking about him, all they'll get are passive or offended responses. Nathan still has not opened up to anyone, until one night, in their house...

"Nathan..." his father peaked from the door.

He looked over the door and tried to smiled but failed. He has his phone at one hand and seem to be reading some text messages...

"Can for a bit"

Nathan frowned but nodded. He knew that his dad was gonna interrogate him about how he is feeling again. Ever since that day he came home late, somewhat depressed, his parents, especially his father has tried talking to him about it...

"You didn't come to class again today...are you sure nothing is wrong?"

He sighed and tried smiling but failed... "Dad, really, I'm okay..."

"Come on Nathan..." his dad smiled. "Just talk to your dad about how you are really feeling."

"I-I'm just...feeling like I'm being...down..." he said with uncertainty.

His dad looked at him, still smiling. "Why?"

"Do you think I'm pa-pathetic, dad?" he looked at his dad sadly.

His dad shook his head and adopted a confused look. "No, what is making you think like that?"

Nathan looked down at the floor again, but just sighed in weariness and said. "Nothing dad..."

His dad was still a bit skeptical but decided to not go in deeper. "Well son" he pats his back wearing a cheerful smile to cheer him up.

"Just remember, no character is too weak. Everyone is strong in their own way!"

Nathan smiled back sadly. "I'll remember"

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