Centered Episode One: Cookie Theft

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


Ryan Simmons is an accomplished man. Great job. Great big house. Great big douche bag!

Submitted: November 11, 2017

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Submitted: November 11, 2017

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EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER BUILDING -DAY

A large campus facility, resembling a elementary school, is dimly lit as the sun sets in the distance.

CUT TO:

EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS

A black sedan pulls into the parking lot slowly.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

RYAN SIMMONS, early 30's, scruffy beard, doesn't look like he's slept in days stares out his window before getting out of his vehicle and walks towards the building.

CUT TO:

INT. healing ROOM - DAY

Ryan enters a room, filled with various characters talking amongst themselves. ELI, 20’s, sarcastically angry, LOIS (50’s), soft spoken with a sinister hidden personality, TIFFANY (20’s), mainly likes to refer to the deadliest act possible and also frightfully blunt, and SAM (30’s), grumpy old man in a young man’s body, sort of like a young Andy Rooney. Ryan see’s HEIDI, 30’s, beautiful, standing near an area filled with snacks eating and approaches her.

RYAN

(PULLS OUT A CRUMPLED PIECE OF PAPER) the room of enlightenment.

HEIDI

(TRYING TO CHEW) Mmm--yes. You must be the new guy.

RYAN

What gave me away?

HEIDI

Hard to say between the casual 5 o'clock shadow and the ironic t-shirt. 

Heidi pointing out Ryan’s shirt that says "I majored in procrastination".

RYAN

I sense a bit of judgement.

HEIDI

Not at all. Lots of men wear ironic shirts. After thirty.

RYAN

How do you know I’m thirty?

Heidi glares at Ryan.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Okay I’m thirty. (BEAT, GRABBING A COOKIE) So let me guess, dead boyfriend? Husband? Girlfriend?

Heidi gives Ryan a smirk, then walks away. Ryan keeps eating. TOM, 40’s, scruffy, not much of a talker type, enters next to Ryan.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Hey man. Tom doesn’t respond.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Ryan. Tom still doesn’t respond.

RYAN (CONT’D)

CHUCKLE)

HANNAH (15) takes a cookie without Ryan knowing. 

Tom gives Ryan a dirty look and then walks away.

Tiffany standing behind Tom.

TIFFANY

He doesn't say much.

RYAN

Yeah no kidding.

TIFFANY

(TO RYAN, HAND EXTENDED) Tiffany.

RYAN

Ryan.

TIFFANY

I heard. You know you sort of resemble Kevin James.

RYAN

Oh really?

TIFFANY

Yeah. I dream that I string him up in my garage and cover him in tomato sauce.

RYAN

Oh.

TIFFANY

(GEEKY CHUCKLE) Yeah I bet I'll dream about you now.

Tiffany exits, leaving Ryan confused and very frightened.

RYAN

Perfect. I met Charles Manson's daughter.

Ryan looks around for the cookie and notices Hannah eating it. Ryan approaches her.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Excuse me?

Hannah stares down Ryan.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Did you take that cookie off that plate over there?

HANNAH

No.

RYAN

You sure? ’Cause there was a cookie left on a plate. My plate.

HANNAH

Maybe it got up and walked away.

RYAN

Oh really? It just walked away. Seriously?

HANNAH

Probably saw your face and decided it’d rather go stale then let Dan Aykroyd touch me.

RYAN

Dan Aykroyd. really?

HANNAH

Yeah.

RYAN

Oh yeah, well...I’d rather be him then a little..know it all.

HANNAH

You lost that one.

RYAN

Yeah I did.

Hannah walks away. Tom comes back searching the plate for where the cookies were.

RYAN (CONT’D)

I know. Where the cookies at? Am I right?

Tom looks at Ryan like he’s an idiot. Heidi is sitting in the center of a circle formed with chairs.

HEIDI

(CLAPPING) Alright everyone. Have a

seat. Everyone sits down.

Ryan sits next to Tom and Hannah, who clearly looks like she does not want to be there.

HEIDI (CONT’D)

Alright group we have a new member joining us this week. Please give a warm welcome to..(LOOKING AT RYAN)

RYAN

Ryan.

HEIDI

Welcome Ryan. (BEAT) Tell us about yourself.

RYAN

(BEAT) I am a web designer...

Hannah scoffs. Ryan peers at her.

HEIDI

Hannah what’d we say about scoffing?

HANNAH

Do it silently.

Ryan and Hannah are staring at each other intensely.

HEIDI

Go ahead Ryan, continue.

RYAN

I’m a (LOOKING AT HANNAH) WEB DESIGNER. But I recently got into air trumpeting.

ELI

What’s air trumpeting?

RYAN

You know. 

Ryan demonstrates air trumpeting.

SAM

It’s stupid.

RYAN

It’s not stupid. It’s cool.

SAM

When I was in the service..

LOIS

You worked for the post office.

SAM

Hey! It’s war out there.

HEIDI

Okay well I think that concludes the get to know you portion of today. Who was up this week? 

Lois raises her hand.

HEIDI (CONT’D)

Yes Lois.

Lois pulls out a pocket sized notebook.

LOIS

(READING FROM THE NOTEBOOK) I took the liberty of jotting down some notes for you again.

HEIDI

I keep telling you not to.

LOIS

You said, "Eli stop texting your ex boyfriend". In which he replied, "You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my mom". Hannah started texting, and Tiffany started sniffing my hair.

TIFFANY

I really hate your new conditioner.

SAM

You know, I tell ya texting is the single most idiotic thing today. Back in my day, if you wanted to talk to you friends, you went to their house.

ELI

We’re the same age!

After a moment.

HEIDI

(TO TOM) Tom.

 

Ryan leans over towards Hannah.

RYAN

This should be good. (EXTENDS A FIST BUMP)

HANNAH

We don’t have a thing. 

Ryan quickly pulls back.

Tom takes a deep breathe.

TOM

Today I moved the last box of her stuff out. She would have been ten.

RYAN

(UNDER HIS BREATHE) If she still

watches Monster High, she’s too young for you. (SMALL CHUCKLE TO HIMSELF)

TOM

She’s my daughter. 

Ryan quickly regrets his remark.

(BEAT)

TOM (CONT’D)

(BEAT,REALLY SAD) Was my daughter. 

 

Tom sits there head down. He starts to tear up. 

We fade out as we close in on Ryan, who hasn’t tuned out since Tom started.

HANNAH

He once told me, if the sun is down and you see the tv on...you better be dead before you interrupt me again. 

Heidi (O.C.)

What about your mom?

HANNAH

(SCOFFS) What about her?

FADE AWAY TO:

ELI

He tells me that I'm the one but every-time we're out in public, it's like I don't exist. He's ashamed of me.

CUT TO:

EXT. CENTER ROOM - LATER

We have now passed some time, everyone is leaving in different directions. Ryan’s heading towards his car, Heidi catches up with him.

HEIDI

Hey. Hey. Ryan stops by his car.

HEIDI (CONT’D)

That was a real dick move in there.

RYAN

What are you talking about?

HEIDI

Let me remind you. (IMITATING RYAN’S VOICE) This should be good.

RYAN

I don’t sound like that.

HEIDI

You sound exactly like that.

RYAN

Look, I was kidding. It was a tiny joke.

HEIDI

To you. Tom’s daughter died two years ago.

RYAN

I know. I heard his story.

HEIDI

What you don’t know, is the amount of times he cried himself to sleep. The amount of times he considered suicide. Or how every night at 1:30 am he wakes up and looks in her room, hoping he can see her lying in her bed one last time.

RYAN

Look this isn’t my thing. I came here during a very weak point in my life. I thought I’d check out a support group for kicks. Turns out all it is is a room full of people who clearly have some serious problems.

HEIDI

I see so you think you’re too good for this?

RYAN

I didn’t say that. But yeah.

HEIDI

Okay, goodnight. Heidi walks to her car.

RYAN

Wise words. Did you get that from a fortune cookie? Heidi stops mid-way and marches back to Ryan.

HEIDI

Okay you’re clearly delusional. Some sort of overgrown man child who thinks ironic t-shirts cover his clear insecurity to be liked by everyone.

RYAN

Wow tell me how you really feel.

HEIDI

UGH!!! How can one man be such an ass and so good looking all at once?

RYAN

What?

HEIDI

What? Shut up. Heidi takes off quickly.

CUT TO:

INt. ryan's car - continuous

Ryan gets in his car. Sits there for a moment thinking about Heidi. A smirk comes over him. He then reaches into his glove compartment and pulls out a pill bottle but not one that appears to be prescribed. He pours out a couple pills and takes them. His reaction is as though he took a shot of whiskey.

CUT TO BLACK.

INT. CENTER ROOM - DAY (DAY 2)

Another group session is about to begin and Ryan approaches Tom, who’s eating at the snack table.

RYAN

Hey man. Tom turns and looks but doesn’t say anything.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Okay still nothing. (BEAT) I wanted to apologize the other day. I know I made a pretty inconsiderate comment...

TOM

I wanted to punch you in the throat.

RYAN

As you should. But in the spirit of honesty I want you to know I'm sorry. I really am. And...

Ryan pulls out a small box of cookies.

RYAN (CONT’D)

Now you have your own. 

Ryan is unaware that Heidi see’s the gesture Ryan is doing. Tom takes the bag and walks away. Ryan is a little dumbfounded.

HEIDI

Alright you guys. Let’s take a seat.

Everyone sits. Ryan sits next to Tom. Heidi gives Ryan a bit of a flirty look. Ryan notices.

HEIDI (CONT’D)

So...who wants to start?

Heidi continues the conversation. We begin to trail off from her as we focus back on Tom offering a cookie to Ryan. Ryan gladly accepts it, looks at it for a second, then hands it to Hannah just to be polite. Hannah takes it from Ryan. Hannah takes a bite.

HANNAH

Eww sugar cookie. 

Hannah throws it back at Ryan.

END OF EPISODE ONE


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