I had Enough

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Pain taught us to love again. Ourselves.

Submitted: November 12, 2017

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Submitted: November 12, 2017



Falling in love is one of the best feeling that I've ever felt. I experienced those late night talks, smiling while holding my phone, feeling the butterflies in my stomach, being happy in simple things and jolly person which everyone can meet. Yes, that's the feeling of being inlove, you can turn the negative to positive, you'll finish the tasks without getting tired, and the feeling that it seems you are the happiest person in the world, we'll it's the power of love.

Falling in love also means doing everything for the person whom you love, sometimes it takes forgetting yourself, your worth and what you deserve. How can I be so accurate? because I've been there. I've been rejected, used, taken for granted, friendzone, left behind and be loved at the wrong time. Sounds too harsh right, but it happens because we are living in the real world. Those sweet late night talks turned into sleepless nights in crying, figuring out what happened and where I've gone wrong. Before, just holding my phone makes my day complete, where I can receive a bunch of messages. But now, I'm stuck on staring my phone, waiting for a message and getting tired of reading all over again our conversation. Those butterflies in my stomach had already gone, just a heart that remembers every pain. That jolly person is still laughing but with full of pretentions. Love? it makes us feel alive but it suddenly changes. 

I once asked to the world "why me? why of all people, why I am chosen to suffer like this, I am that bad?, what's the point of holding my hands but later they will still let go of it, why they tried to pursue me if in the end they'll just stop?, why they made promises that they can't even stand for, why they gave me time and attention when they not serious about me, what's the point of making me fall inlove if they don't even had plan on taking care of my heart and why they need to left me hanging, begging for answers and even crying all night but still they don't give what I'm asking, they just chose to walk away and left me with a scar. and why? why it needed to be me? again.

I gave love, I became selfless, I got tired but still I chose to love. Being broken is never been an excuse for me to not love again. The little love that remains in me was still given, and back then I asked, how can this heart can love that much, without asking for return, and until then, I realized I had enough. There's a lot of questions that is still unanswered, but maybe there are questions that doesn't have an answer or it is not meant to be answered. It was just made to be a question, that will keep on popping in our head, there's a lot of why's and what ifs. But we didn't even realize that these questions are easily destroying us. It make us stay where in reality we need to let go. It make us hopeless in which the truth is it's not the end of everything. We will just close the book and right a new one.

Love, is not only a mere word, it's a journey. You'll think that if you are broken for the first, second, third and nth time you can already stop. But no, there is more to it, you need to feel every pain, and learn to love again, be disappointed and love again, it will never stop until you chose to because love can still heal all the wounds.

For me, falling in love is a tough journey, you need to accept whatever may happen, you need the courage to stand up when you fall, you need to be strong for yourself and you need to know when is the right time to let go. Before, I said falling in love is one of the best feeling that I've ever felt and after the storms, thunder and floods that came, I can say that "Indeed, it was the best feeling that I've ever felt"

It made me who I am today, it taught me how to be strong, it gives me chance to live in a real world, it helps me to be wiser and made me believe that right person will always come in the right time. I already experienced different kind of heartbreaks and it's time for me to face the world and live a braver life and those pain taught me to love again, myself. Because I had enough.

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