Eternity

Reads: 433  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 3

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


“I- I love him an- and I want him but I shouldn’t.”

Submitted: November 17, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 16, 2017

A A A

A A A


“I- I love him an- and I want him but I shouldn’t.” A lump started forming at the back of my throat, on the edge of, yet another, panic attack. I gripped the soft, velvet armrests of the large green chair in the office. “Take deep breaths, Sage.” Dr. Amberwood told me as soothingly as she could. It felt like the world was closing in on me, suffocating me.

“Why? WHY?” I whispered, asking whoever would answer though it was only me and Dr. Amberwood in the room. My breaths started getting shallower by the minute. I crumpled and slipped off the chair into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest. I tried to even out my breathing, trying to do the breathing exercises Dr. Amberwood taught me. Eight seconds in through my nose, eight seconds out my mouth. “Everything’s fine Sage, everything will be okay.” I whispered to myself while I rocked which calmed me down a bit. After a few minutes, I started feeling better and Doc came and set a cold glass of water on the table next to my chair. I didn’t take it immediately, instead I dragged myself up to the chair and curled up into a ball, feeling a sudden rush of exhaust. My ears were still ringing from all of the blood rushing through my brain. I sat there to what seemed an hour, but I knew it was just a mere few minutes. The water Doc set aside for me warmed down, but I drank it anyways. I splashed a few drops on my bare face to wake me up better. Dr. Amberwood, knowing me, stayed quiet, but not for too long. It’s dangerous for me to be left alone in my head for too long, especially after a panic attack. I slowly sat up, cross-legged, and leaned back into the large green chair, feeling calmer and safe.

“You are amazing at calming yourself down before you get out of control and I admire that of you Sage. That itself is proof of great improvement. Youdidn let yourself have a full panic attack. Im proud of you” she told me, trying to give me an encouraging smile.

“Thanks” I muttered back, still feeling a little out of it.

The trill ring of the timer, indicating it was the end of our session, made me jump. I dragged myself out of the comfortable green chair. I walked my way near the door, turning around back to the Doc to say a quick good bye but all i saw was concern on her face.

“Bye Doc!” She sighed, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay another half hour? My next patient doesn’t come until another couple hou-” I cut her off my shaking my head with a somewhat forced smile. “No, no, no, no, no. It’s ok! I’ll be fine and probably chill at the café for an hour or so.” She nodded and said a quick bye before I turned around and left the comfort of her homey office.

•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•  •?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•  •?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•?•

As I left the office, I tugged the sleeves of my large knitted gray sweater that engulfed my small frame over my hands, warming me up a bit in the New York autumn. All the trees turn a range of beautiful, fiery colors. My favorite trees are the ones that are a fierce red at the top that dissipates into a light orange. Those were the most calming ones to me. I walked quickly through the crowded city to a little cafe at the corner of the street. I entered it feeling a wave of a warmth and the comforting scent of cinnamon. I walked to the back corner booth, my regular spot that‘s farthest from the door. Once I made my way there, I saw already some guy sitting there. I froze, not expecting someone to be so far away from the door. He turned around, seeing me and flashed me a smile. Feeling awkward, I looked down at my beat up sneakers against the clean, burnt orange and tan tiles of the cafe. I was about to turn around and shuffle away, but then he grabbed the bottom of my sweater, scaring me and causing me to jump. He retracted his hand immediately, probably feeling bad for scaring the shit out of me. I turned back around and was met with his hair, fiery as the trees outside and entrancing green eyes bright as the summer grass. Not nearly as bland as my boring hazel gray eyes and auburn hair. He offered me a sheepish smile and lowered his hands.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to spook you like that” he told me with a hint of an  irish accent, scratching the back of his neck. I raised at my eyebrows, taking in his beauty. “I mean, ‘tis the season.” I muttered under my breath. He heard it, I assumed, given to his loud and hearty laugh. His cheeks scrunched up with the corners of his mouth lifting. He had a dimple on his left cheek and his face turned a light shade of pink. I grinned back at him. He was adorable when he laug- WOAH what????? I stopped smiling and silently cursed myself. I reverted to staring back at the floor and he stopped smiling. “Hey?” he asked in a soft, comforting voice, “Do you want to sit with me?” he asked, gesturing at the empty seat in front of him. I looked up, perplexed.

“Why do you want to sit with me?” I asked in a quiet voice, the question slipping out before I could think. His whole physique softened, he tilted his head “Why wouldn’t I?”

I blushed, slowly taking a seat across from him. I felt so out of place, I just stared down and my legs. I wonder what he thinks of me. Probably thinks I’m a freak like all the other people do. They don’t know, no one knows. ‘Too quiet’ they’d call me, little did they know I was once outgoing and happy, but shit happens. Love comes at a price too high. Little do they know, little do they kno-  

“Hey.” his soft accented voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up with a pink face, embarrassed. He cleared his throat and straightened his posture, “So, uh, do you want to order anything?” I nodded. He raised his hand, signaling for a waitress to come over. Carly, the waitress that I befriended a couple years ago came over and shot us both a smile

“What can I get you two this lovely evening?” She asked with a sweet voice and a perfect smile. “I would like a Espresso” I said quietly, but loud enough for her to hear me. The green eyed guy whistled at me, “That strong of a drink for that much of a adorably small person? Damn, My pretty large body can't handle that much caffeine” I chuckled at his dramatization which caused his emerald eyes to light up. He shot me a charming grin and turned back to the waitress, “I would like a Short Macchiato.” She nodded at us and told us that she would be back soon. Once she left, he focused his attention back to me and started talking. “So, uh, I didn’t catch your name.” I gave him a small smile, “My name is Sage, what about yours?” I mean I was going to share a cup of coffee with him, might as well be friendly. “Oh! Uh, my name is Connor.” I nodded and the waitress came back with our orders. The time it took for me to finish my cup, I small talked with Connor to entertain him. I wasn't ever going to see him again. No one in my life ever stays anyways. No one ever stays cause its my fault. MY fault. He always said I wasn’t good enough. I try to be nice. That’s not enough to make anyone stay though. My breathing got heavier and I tried to be discreet, but Connor noticed. I started panicking even more, he might ask questions. No.no.no.no.no.no.no.NO.

“Sage? Sage!? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” I only managed to shake my head no before I lost control. Tears started falling and I started losing control. I tried  to force myself to breathe to calm myself down, but I couldn’t. I was trying to pull myself out of the horrible mindset I put myself in. He came and sat next to me in the booth and started talking to me softly, “Can you look at me?” I was shaking, but could slowly made my eyes to meet his. He looked calm, and not at all appalled which was comforting. “Okay Sage what color are my eyes?” he asked. I tried to get my breathing steady. “A beautiful shade of green” I whispered. He grinned at me, happy that I was able to respond. “Do you have medicine for your attacks?” he asked me, voice still soft, I shook my head. His composure stayed gentle but not at all commanding or scared. He scooted closer to my side of my booth. He held both of his hands out, “Can you put your hands in mine?” he asked and I slowly obliged. I laid my non-manicured and blistered palms in his and I could tell he was surprised by how cold mine were but his reassuring face didn’t flinch. He softly rubbed his thumbs against the top of my hands. He came in closer and he let me lean against him until I calmed. He didn’t let go of my hands, instead he pulled me close and hummed a soft song to me.

Once I calmed down and realized what just occurred I felt immensely embarrassed. I pulled away slowly, not to startle him. “Wow oh my goodness I am SO sorry you had to witness that. I so so sorry, please don’t do anything to me, I’m so sorry.” I shrunk away from him as I kept talking. His soft demeanour saddened, his eyes no longer bright. “Sage… I couldn’t ever dream of hurting you. Please don’t think like that. I don’t know what caused you to think that but, I like you.” he cleared his throat and straightened his posture, “I- I mean you seem like you would be an amazing friend”

I gave him a weak smile, “I should probably go home anyways, it’s fine.” He reluctantly got up, knowing I was not in the mood to argue. I sat up and my weak legs stumbled, but his reflexes were quick and steadied me. “Here, let me at least go in an Uber with you to make sure you get home safe.” I just tiredly nodded and he paid for our drinks then we walked outside. The cool air refreshing my warmed face, but made my body feel chilly. He held me close to warm me up a bit, but not suffocating me like he used to do. I shut my eyes tight, DON’T THINK ABOUT HIM SAGE. I took a deep breath and opened my tired eyes, seeing out Uber pull up to pick us up. We climb in and I quietly gave the driver my address and I laid against Connor the whole ride, sleeping after, I assume, only a couple minutes. I guess Connor didn’t want to wake me when we arrived. When I woke up I was on my couch, draped with a gray, furry blanket. Connor sat across from me on my other livingroom sofa with a cup of steaming green tea in his hands, matching the white mug on the table to my right nearest to me. He hadn’t noticed my stirring until i move to try to grab the tea. He quickly got up and handed me the mug.

“You’re awake! Oh, well you were sleeping soundly so I didn’t want to bother ya. The door was unlocked, you shouldn't leave your door unlocked by the way. So I just carried you in here. Gosh, I sound like a creep, I swear i wasn't going to do anything. I made you some green tea, I heard somewhere it was calming. Wow, sorry, you probably don’t want me in your home. Do you want me to leave? I’ll leave, so sorry lad.”  I could tell he was worried, his previous slight Irish accent became more noticeable as he talked. I giggled at the light tint of his cheeks. I gave him a genuine smile, one I haven’t had in awhile. “You’re fine, it’s not problem at all, calm down. I’m not angry at all, I’m more thankful to be honest. You’re really sweet, you know that?” I asked him, laughing even more as his cheeks turned darker. I sat up and wrapped the furry blanket tighter around me and held the green tea to my chest.

“Why don’t you come and sit down here, lad” I said in my best imitation of his accent while patting the empty spot next to me. His eyes widened and bursted out laughing at my ‘accent’ which was nice because all the tension in the air dissipated. He came over and sat, facing me and we started talking about nothing, at first. Then the time went on and the more serious we got. He told me his life story, opening up to me.

His parents left him and his sister at an orphanage at the age of 7 and 3. He fell into a depression at the age of 12. He tried to rid himself from the planet when his sister died of cancer. He was adopted at age 15 and his parents were amazing. They provided therapy and medicine. They helped him become the person he is now. He also owns the local library which is adorable. He at least got his happily ever after. Once finished telling his story, it was 2 am and we both weren’t tired.

“So what’s your story, Sage?” I froze up with my mouth open. Do I want to tell this guy about my shit life? Do I want  him to look at me the way everyone else did?  I didn’t know what to do, but I guess Connor took my hesitation as a “you made me uncofortable”.

“You know what? I’m so sorry about spilling my sob story to ya. I bet you didn’t even want to hear i-” I cut him off buy placing my hand on his chest. I gave him a small smile, “It’s is ok, now I know you better than I ever could imagine.” I scooted closer to him, his eyes drawing me in. “It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me everything.” He whispered, his face so close. He smelled amazing, like the rain scent but also green tea just made me want to lean in and close in the gap… but I can’t. Not yet. I scooted back.

“So I guess my life was pretty fine, nothing compared to yours.” I guess I chose to lie. “I met my boyfriend a couple months ago,” I quickly  glance up at him to catch his reaction. He looked a little disappointed for a half second, but he masked his emotion with the fakest smile I saw this evening and it made me want to just tell him the truth. “And he is nice and he loves me,” my voice started wavering. No one loved me, ever. Especially him. “He cares and treats me nicely,” tears were threatening to fall. He looked concerned. He gently held my chin in his hand and turned my face towards him, but I averted my gaze. I couldn’t look him in those beautiful eyes he has and lie straight to his face. “Hey, look at me,” he whispered. “Come on, you’re alright, look at me.” His soft voice pulled my gaze toward his eyes. I felt wetness on my cheeks and he wiped away the tears that fell. “Is he hurting you?” I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out, “Is he?” he asked again. I shook my head and looked away from his face, “Not anymore, at least.” He turned my face towards him again.

“Is- Is he why you have attacks?”

“Yeah.” I started crying hard. I buried my face into his warm chest when he pulled me close. He whispered comforting words to calm me down. Once I regained my composure, I looked up. He smiled at me, “Second time I have seen you cry and you still look like the most beautiful girl in the world.” I blushed a deep red and hid my face into his chest again and I heard the hearty laugh of his that I loved. I pulled away, face still flushed, and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. He looked stunned, but happy. “Please tell me you are single.” he said. I thought a bit before I answered. “If I was, what would you do?” I asked tilting my head with a suggestive smirk. “I would do this.” He quickly leaned in and gave me a kiss on my lips. A simple, sweet kiss. He pulled away and studied my eyes, probably wondering what I was thinking. I smiled and leaned in, giving him another short kiss. I pulled away and snuggled back into his side. “I am single, but I don’t know if i’m ready for another relationship so soon, though I like you very much. I just still have a lot of issues I need to work out.”

“That’s alright” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice. “I will wait and eternity for you.” He told me, kissing the top of my head and pulling me close.

 


© Copyright 2020 alittledistraction. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

avatar

Author
Reply

avatar
avatar

Author
Reply

More Romance Short Stories