An Excerpt from a Sane Man's Diary

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic


A glimpse into a man's battle with his mind

Submitted: November 17, 2017

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Submitted: November 17, 2017

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Save me then from the torments of the mind. Give a discernible shape to this intangible pain, for I want to see it come to life before my eyes, point to it and say to others, "yes, this is the shape of my pain." I want to caress its contours,  thank it for finally showing itself and then curse it for imbuing my soul with painful contradictions. 

Free me then from the plague of hypocrisy, for I am all too aware of my own wrongdoings yet commit them anyway, time and time again. This  pushes me further down the road of self-doubt, causing me to question the motive behind my simplest actions. I stand before a mirror then and ask myself, "am I willingly putting myself in the victim's shoes? What if I'm so used to being weak and doubtful that any other state of mind appears unnatural? Was there even a victim to begin with, or did I simply create one from nothing?" More questions pour into my brain and I soon lose sight of my own centre. My mind is clouded, and I no longer know whether my pain is real or a product of idleness. But I am aware that while the world wobbles on the brink of madness, I still retain the luxury to linger and philosophize. 

Release me then from this prison of guilt, the guilt I feel for being ungrateful, for being unable to fill this vacancy inside that's been devouring everything from within.

Save me from the voice calling to me from the depths of this void, the same voice that has caused me many a misfortune in the past, showing me ways to cope with this intangible pain only to taunt me later and say, "you're not in pain idiot! You just like to play the role of the victim so that you have an excuse to get drunk! Trust me, you have it so much better compared to the majority of the world's population! You're just weak, unable to normally cope with even the easiest matters in life. You stand in front of others and pretend to be humble, but deep inside you want nothing more than to be praised by these same people, and that's only one of your many faults. Let's face it then, you're ill-equipped to survive this world, and you will eventually fuck your life up because you lack the ability to live properly. So keep drinking friend, for that is the only thing you seem to excel at!" 
I hear this voice still, and still I struggle to suppress it. 

Save me then from my own turbulent nature, from the fears that often invade my feeble mind before bed.

Save me from myself, for I am scared of closing my eyes. I am terrified of drifting off into sleep, losing control over my own thoughts. 
I am afraid to dream. 

Give me thus the courage to close my eyes and dream. 


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