The Past

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: November 18, 2017

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Submitted: November 18, 2017

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I remember that painful night, where I think the world was against me. I locked myself to that small empty room, because I'm afraid for them to see how those beautiful smiles turned into cries, how that bouncy person became so dull and how those laughs was taken away by pain. I just hide on that dark room, feeling safe that no one can see and hear what I really feel. I cried until dawn, I cried as if there is no tomorrow, where I can't remember what's the feeling of happiness, but pain, it's pain that I can only feel on that moment. It seems that I can see my heart in front of me, really broken and shattered and screams for help and all I can do was bow down my head and crying with an endless tears.

Maybe I am too late for the love that was offered but I didn't mind to grab it, because I am not yet ready for another heartbreak. But on that night, I take all the courage to confess, I decided to let go of everything and I chose that love, but maybe the fate had already decided because the moment when I confess, the only phrase that I can only remember was "sorry, I am not able to return that love anymore" and after that everything was so blurry. Then I realized that I was wrong, I was wrong in the thought thay he will wait for me because only true love waits. Maybe I just believe that it was true but it wasn't. Maybe it was just my feelings that was real and he was not and maybe we were just not meant to be that even how hard I try, I am still left behind.

Love is indeed complicated, at first they will keep on pursuing, make those efforts but in the end, they can't even fight for it. I wanted to give the love that I think he deserves that's why I waited for all the wounds to be healed, and it takes forgetting what I really deserve. Being on that situation never been easy, where you believe that, that's it, you'll go for it but didn't even realized that its already done. Everyday has been difficult, facing that struggles on a daily basis, acting I'm fine but I wasn't, continuing my life even with those broken pieces and trying hard to fight even though I'm really tired. I just wanted to run away form this crazy world, how I wish that everything was just a dream, in which at the very least I don't need to remember every pain that it brought me.

Right in this moment, that love was already gone, I just let it to disapper because there is no point of fighting for it. Maybe it wasn't a happy ending but I never regret every single of it and I think its one of the most important thing, knowing that I've lost in love but proud of every scars because every scars has it's own story and I want to keep it. Yes, I am not made for something better because I am made for the best. And I don't need a love that will fight for me but instead I am waiting for the love that will fight with me.


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