FRED: The Movie

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This is the script from the Nickelodeon movie, FRED: The Movie.

Submitted: November 18, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 18, 2017






Written by David A. Goodman


At his house:


FRED: Hi! It’s Fred. OMG it’s Friday. If you say that fast enough, it sounds like Freday. Friday, Freday, Friday, Freday. Two whole days of no school and pure happiness. OMG they decided to make the weekdays the weekend and the weekend the weekdays. So we have five days off and only two days of school. Oh My Gammit, I’m so excited. And then when there is a very important holiday like President’s Day, then we only have one day of school- I think they might decide to do that this weekend.


At school


FRED: (no one notices him) Hello. Hey. Hi. Hi. See you guys tomorrow. See ya. Yeah. Hey. (sees Judy) Judy! Judy. Judy. Judy.


At home


FRED: You might not have been able to tell, but that girl, that I walked home with, that hacking awesome girl. That’s Judy. (whispers) Judy. That’s my girlfriend. Obviously. This weekend, it’s crucial for our relationships because… wait for’s coming… hold on. I’m taking things to the next level with Judy. She knows it too. We’ve been inseparable lately.


At school:


JUDY: (to her friends) So I’ve been thinking about having a party this weekend.


FRED: Yeah we’ve been thinking about it.


JUDY: But I might have it next week


FRED: Yeah we’re not really sure yet.


JUDY: What do you guys think?


At Home:


FRED: I’m thinking I might have Judy over today. I mean, I’m not really sure. My mom won’t mind I mean I have friends over all the time and she doesn’t care. My dad won’t care either. Mostly because he’s not here. He’s not with us. He’s not dead, considering you might have misunderstood that. It really doesn’t even matter that I just have one parent because my mom was in twice as much. And I pay her back by filling the house with beautiful music. (sings) “SOMEBODY CALL 911. SHAWTY FIRE BURNIN ON THE DANCE FLOOR. WOAH OAH OH. Every room in my house was constructed for a specific purpose. For instants, this room, bedroom was constructed have a perfect view of Judy’s house. (says to himself) Hey Judy. Friday’s are typically the best day at school but I need some food for my body because today was the worst Friday ever.


jumps to Fred getting hit by dodgeballs thrown by Kevin. *flashback*


KEVIN: He likes it. He likes his mommy. He likes it. You want some more?


JUDY: Kevin! Just leave him alone.




end of flashback


FRED: If I don’t get any food in my body, then there isn’t going to be any blood in my head and then my head might fall off because there is no blood in it. OH MY GAMMIT. I'm so upset about what happened at school, I almost ruined my snack. CHEESE. I say oh my gammit bc i’m not allowed to say back words like, the “d” word. Anyhow, The thing that happened, happened in music class. I love music class because, well, I’m a good singer. You know who else is a great singer?


JUDY: (singing) FRED!


FRED: She sings like an angel. But, like an angel who is dead because Judy will never die. She will live forever..until she dies. (looks at snack) yum! (chokes, spits out snack; screams “hot cheese” over and over) MY TONGUE IS BURNING. (sprays hose in face) IM DROWNING. (is now dry) I


In Room


FRED: I’ve decided not to have a snack after all because I want to stay trim for Judy. To be honest, me and Judy have hit another minor bump in our relationship thanks to Kevin. Kevin is a big, fat, nothing, and I could not believe what I saw her doing with him today.


School *flashback*


JUDY: You’ve just got to be strong now. ‘Cause I.


KEVIN: ‘Cause I really love you


JUDY: And I’ll, I’ll be thinking of you.


JUDY AND KEVIN: Look in my heart and let love keep us together.


*flashback over*


FRED: Oh my gammit, they sounded terrible. It was like my mom trying to fit into her jeans. (looks at a pile of shirts that all look the same) hmmm… eeny, meeny, miney, moe. There we go. It was horrible and I mean, she didn’t even notice it. You agree, right? I mean, Judy was up there, and she seemed happy. I don’t know if she was acting or what, but I have to tell her. Maybe I’ll invite her over for a pool party, and as we’re lounging by the pool, I’ll break it to her gently.


Imagines a pool scene


FRED: Judy, lover, you are a wonderful singer.


JUDY: Oh- Thank you Fred.


FRED: But singing with Kevin, that was a mistake.


JUDY: I need someone like you to be honest with me.


FRED: Don’t worry, darling. I’ve just had a law passed that will have Kevin arrested for the way he sang to you.


JUDY: That’s such a relief. (police show up)


KEVIN: Stop! Stop! (singing) ‘Cause I really love you. I’ll- I’ll be thinking of you.


FRED: If anyone -ever- sings to you like that again, just tell me, and I’ll take of it darling.


JUDY: You're so romantic, Fred.


KEVIN: *from cop car* Judy! Judy!


Back to House


FRED: Just beyond that wall over there is Judy’s house. She’s only a few feet away, and I can’t reach her. They put up that wall to keep us apart.


BERTHA: Whatcha doin’ Fred?


FRED: What does it look like I’m doing, Bertha.


BERTHA: Judy would think it’s silly that you have a kiddie pool.


FRED: I don’t care what Judy thinks. Why would I care what Judy thinks? What makes you think that? I mean, it’s just Judy.


BERTHA: Ok- you’re not going swimming?


FRED: I’m not going--that’s lame. Really, really lame.


BERTHA: Well, I think I might go swimming.


FRED: Have fun.


BERTHA: TTFN (means ta ta for now)


Bertha leaves


FRED: Oh my god! That was almost so embarrassing. Thank god I didn't invite Judy over for the pool party. Sometimes I think I don’t know anything about women. I need some advice. I wish my dad was here. Dad? What do you think I should do?


DAD: The secret is ruthless aggression.


FRED: It is?


DAD: You’ve got to look at yourself and say, “My time is now”. Show her what kind of man you really are. Use those talents. What are your talents, Fred?


FRED: I’m a good singer.


DAD: No! (hits FRED with a flower pot)




DAD: You’re a great singer. You’re the best. I tis you who takes mere words and make them melodious love. Are you with me?


FRED: Yep!


DAD: You’ve got to fire up!


FRED: I’m with you, Dad!


DAD: Well good--j-just remember it’s probably gonna get cold outside. Bring a sweater, okay?


FRED: Okay dad, thanks.


DAD leaves


FRED: That’s it. I’ve got to invite Judy over so we can harmonize together. And then she’ll forget all about Kevin, “cause harmonizing with me will be so much smoother.




JUDY AND FRED: And soon both of us, learned to trust, not run away.


FRED: It was no time to play.


JUDY AND FRED: We build it up


Breaks Imagination


FRED: Yow.


Back to Imagination


FRED AND JUDY: And now it's solid. Solid as a rock. And nothing’s changed it.


FRED: The thrill is still ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hot.


End of Imagination


FRED: This is it! I’m gonna go over to Judy’s house and invite her to sing with me. (sings in opera voice) I’m so excited. I smell beautiful. Nothings going to come between our love, Judy. NOTHING! Oh my gammit! Kevin! I’m not going out there. If I go out there and ask Judy to come over in front of Kevin, he’s going to undermine my self-confidence. Maybe he won’t notice. I’ve got to try. Here I come to harmonize with you Judy. Laaaa (singing).


Outside with Kevin


FRED: I’m gonna do it.


KEVIN: Hey Figglehorn! Where you going? Huh?


FRED: None if your business, Kevin.


KEVIN: Haha ok. Are you headed over to Judy’s house for a little play date. Huh? You guys gonna do (makes loud sounds and kissy face) Huh? You doing a little bit of that? Huh?


FRED: Kevin! That’s not what I was going to do, okay?


KEVIN: Dude, she hates you, man. Why can’t you just get that through your head, dude? She hates you. She tells me all the time. I mean, she came over yesterday and was like.. and like.. you know?


FRED: She hates you, Kevin! I see how you misunderstood it because.. she hates you.


KEVIN: She doesn’t hate me. We’re on a first name basis.


FRED: Yeah, she hates everyone who can’t sing Kevin.


KEVIN: I can sing. This whole neighborhood knows I can sing. I can sing, dude. I mean, she hears me all the time, man. I’m perfect. I have perfect pitch. I’ve been told since day one, I have perfect pitch. (sings) I can reach all the notes.


FRED: That’s weird. Because I overheard Judy saying that she thinks you suck at singing.


KEVIN: Ahh you’re gonna get it. You’re gonna get it Figglehorn. You want some?


FRED: She said it, I didn’t.


KEVIN: Oh, you want it?


FRED: (screams)


KEVIN: This is my cul de sac. It always has been, and always will be, baby. Woo!


Back inside


FRED: I can’t believe that idiot Kevin ruined everything. I was so close. (door knobs starts moving and banging on door starts happening) Oh my gosh, Kevin’s trying to get inside the house.


MOM: (from outside, barely audible) Fred!


FRED: Go home, Kevin!


MOM: (barely audible) Figglehorn!


FRED: Get away from my house.


MOM: (barely audible) Hey!


FRED: I will call the police.. I am calling the police right now.


MOM: (barely audible) Figglehorn.


FRED: I already called the police, and they said that if you stop, you’re gonna go to prison with the fatest people ever.


MOM: (more audible) FRED OPEN THE DOOR!


FRED: Oh, mom… sorry. You’re strong.


MOM: Fred, what’s going on in here.


FRED: Mom, I thought someone was gonna attack me. Although, I don’t know why anyone would want to.


MOM: Maybe because of your voice.




MOM: What, sweetie.


FRED: I’m gonna have a friend over so we can sing, okay?


MOM: Honey, no singing. I’m taking a nap.


FRED: Mom! We’ll be quiet.


MOM: I can’t hear you, I’m taking a nap.


FRED: Kevin. I can't go over and ask Judy to my house with Kevin over there. He’ll embarrass me. Judy has such a beautiful southern accent I know it would harmonize perfectly with my normal human accent. I don’t know what to do.


DAD walks up


DAD: What’s wrong with you? Have I taught you nothing?


FRED: Dad!


DAD: No son of mine is going to sit in here and hide. From Kevin. (throws Fred) Yeah! My house.


FRED: I don’t want Kevin to make fun of me in front of Judy.


DAD: (puts FRED in a headlock) Make fun of you? Sometimes you don’t use these muscles (points to arms) you use this muscle (points to head). You gotta out think Kevin. You gotta find another route.


FRED: The only the other route is blocked by the wall.


DAD: The wall is nothing. It was put there to keep you and your true love apart.


FRED: I knew it!


MOM: (from upstairs) I AM TAKING A NAP!


FRED: (whispers) I knew it. (puts DAD in headlock) My time is now!


DAD: Your time is now.


FRED: My time is now. (pulling harder)


DAD: (barely audible)


FRED: MY. TIME. IS. NOW!!! (DAD coughs) Oh. Sorry dad.


DAD: (coughing) It’s good. (pushes FRED down, FRED cries and laughs) You're ready.


FRED: Thanks dad!


DAD: Wait, you got a little (licks thumb and rubs FRED’s face with it.)




FRED: Once I get over that wall, I can go to Judy’s back door and ask her to come over. I’ve never seen Judy’s back door, but I bet it’s really nice. (has mini trampoline) I’m going to use this to make a flying leap over the fence. And then me and Judy are going to walk back over to my house, really proudly, and Kevin’s gonna be all confused and he’s not going to be able to do anything, and then we’re back at my house before he even knows it. Oh, and this is a trampoline. I got it for my mom, she uses it to change for work. I BET YOU KEVIN WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS! STUPID KEVIN! Kiss this, Kevin! Here I come Judy. (Many failed attempts) I’m coming Judy, just hold on. (starts screaming when he hits his head)


MOM: Fred, are you okay?


FRED: I hurt myself while trying to get to Judy.


MOM: Do you need to go to the hospital?


FRED: No? I don’t think so?


MOM: I’m taking a nap.


FRED: This is better. Much less dangerous. (digging very small) Ow. Digging is hard. (still digging) Ow. (screams) I’m coming for you Judy, just hold on. Don’t give up. (falls) Ow! (singing) I’ve been digging in the tunnel, all hacking day. (breaths heavy) Going back down. It takes forever to get to Judy’s house underground.  (sees a wire) Hm, what’s this? (FRED hits an electrical wire; jumps to scene where KEVIN is on a treadmill and it stops)


KEVIN: UGGGG MOM. (jumps back to FRED scene)


FRED: (getting electrocuted) A-a-w-e-s-o-o-m-e. OH MY GAMMIT THAT WAS AWESOME! I’m coming Judy, I have buttloads of energy. Here I come.


FRED: (finally arrives at the house only the face an Asian family) IM HERE! Oh my gammit I dug all the way to China! (screams)


In the house


FRED: I figured out what I was going to do. I’m going to disguise myself. Kevin will never recognize me. He’ll be totally fooled, I’ll walk up to Judy’s door, and rip off my disguise and she will think it’s a joke, and then she’ll laugh and i’ll laugh. And then we will both be laughing. (sniffs himself) Mmmh. I’m going to smell like green apples.


FRED: I have the perfect disguise. I ordered it from the back of a comic book. Its an Invisibility Suit and it’s gonna make me completely invisible.




FRED: Here it is. I’ve been waiting to use this. (puts it on) Woah, see you guys later. Wow, that was totally worth $6.98… plus shipping and handling.


KEVIN: (FRED’s door opens and closes) Huh? What’s going on here?


FRED: Where am I, Kevin? I’m here. No I’m not, I’m over here. Think fast!


KEVIN: What?


FRED: Watch out.


KEVIN: Jesus…


FRED: What are you gonna do, Kevin?


KEVIN: Where are you?


FRED: Behind you. Look over here. Oh-oh-oh. Awe, does the baby want the ball? Ah, watch out.






Back to real life


FRED: Haha! Here goes nothing. (puts on his actual cloak; thinking it’s real) Oh my God, this is such a weird feeling. Floating shoe.. Who's doing it? I don’t know. Must be someone invisible. (sees himself in mirror) What the heck? Ok, maybe I just didn’t do it right. 1..2..3.. (makes magic sounds) Gammit! (screams) I guess I have to find a better disguise.


Mom Room


MOM: (Snoring)


FRED: (goes into her closet, but’s on wig; hymns) Yeah. (picking out clothes) Boy, do I wish I could pull that one off. (has a wig and dress on, walks outside acting confident. KEVIN sees him)




KEVIN: Wait, what? (FRED starts running) What? (FRED rings doorbell over and over)




KEVIN: Is that Fred? (FRED looks inside to see an Asian Family in Judy’s old house. KEVIN realizes it’s FRED in a disguise) I’m going to kick you.


Runs inside


FRED: Oh my gammit! Asian people have kidnapped Judy. What do I do? I’ve got to call the police, and the cops, and the FBI, the CIA, and the FBI, and the Army, and the cops, and the swat team. And-and- I’ve never had an emergency before. I don’t know who to call, I don’t even know a number to call. (sings) Somebody call 911. That’s who I have to call.


DISPATCHER: 9-1-1. What’s your emergency?


FRED: Hello, this is Fred. Fred Figglehorn. And I’m here to tell you that my girlfriend Judy has been kidnapped by Asian people. Asian people have stole my girlfriend and her stuff and her family.




FRED: Although if you ask her if she’s my girlfriend, and she says no, it’s because we haven’t told a lot of people yet. We’re kinda keeping it on the downlow. You know? People get jealous. You know? Anyways, she’s gone.


DISPATCHER: Sir, you need to calm down.


FRED: Calm down? (DISPATCHER hangs up) Hello?... That is really frustrating that the police won’t even help me. Her kidnappers could be anywhere by now. SHE'S GOING TO HAVE SUCH A HORRIBLE LIFE!


MOM: (walks out) Fred, what is your problem?


FRED: Mom! Wake up! Wake up right now!


MOM: I am up.


FRED: Mom, Judy’s been kidnapped. And they took all of her stuff. She might be dead. I don’t even know.


MOM: What are you talking about?


FRED: Her house? It’s completely empty.


MOM: Maybe that’s because they moved.


FRED: What?


MOM: They sold their house to the Tanks’ and they moved. I got their address right here, they asked me to forward their mail.


FRED: Judy moved? Where to?


MOM: I don’t know. They asked me to forward their mail.




MOM: Because Freddie, I- I didn’t know you’d be so upset. I wrote the address.




MOM: Freddie.. I’m getting there mail? I’m tossing it. Alright honey, relax, I'm going out. Be a good boy, you’re a good boy.


FRED: JUDY MOVED! (screams)


At night


FRED: (sings) Judy moved away, I’m so alone, it hurts so much. Ooooohhhh.


MOM: Freddie, please. Go. To. Sleep.


FRED: My heart is broken and my mom doesn’t even care. Woo-ooh-oh.




DAD: Fred, it’s go time!


FRED: Dad, what’s wrong.


DAD: It’s Judy, she’s been kidnapped- by kidnappers


FRED: Kidnappers? Who are they?


DAD: Her parents.




DAD: Luckily, in the final minutes, she sent us a transmission. Check it out, it’s right there. (plays Dora) That’s classified. Pay no attention to that. Transmission.


JUDY: Oh Fred.


FRED: Judy.


JUDY: There is so much I wanted to say to you, or sing to you, or sing with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You know that to be true, right?


FRED: Yes, Judy. Yes.


JUDY: I knew you did.


FRED: Ok, Judy. Listen carefully.


JUDY: Yes, Fred?


FRED: You are under a bed right now. (Judy gets dragged and screams; Fred screams) JUDY! NO!


DAD: Relax, we are going to rescue her. Hey, hey, hey, why don’t you have your seatbelt on?


FRED: Oh, sorry dad. I hope mom doesn’t get worried if she notices I’m not home in the middle of the night.


DAD: She knows exactly where you are.


MOM: I’ve got you mail right here.. (shoots machine gun) TAKE THAT! Don’t mess with my son.


End of fantasy


FRED: What a crazy dream.. but I think I know what it means. I got it, Judy wants me to come find her. We have a psychic connection and the dream is the only way she could possibly communicate with me. (on computer) I found Judy’s address on this map. 56 Meadow Lane. Sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Meadow. I wonder what Judy’s house looks like? (sees it) Ooh, it’s nice. Geez. If I zoom in, I wonder if I could see her. Zoom. Zoom. Zoom. (sees guy in bathroom) EWWW! That must be the guy who lived there before her. That is sick. He pooped inside her bathroom. The ghost of that guy’s poop will be in Judy’s bathroom forever. What if they come back to life, huh? I have got to get Judy out of that house. There’s only one problem. The woods (wolf howls in distance) I have to avoid the woods (howl). I mean, I’d be way too scared to back there after what happened to.. Little.. Evan..Weiss.




EVAN: (younger, throwing the ball back and forth with Fred, when the ball goes into the woods) I’ll get it. (goes into the woods, doesn’t return. FRED starts to pee).


FRED: Little Evan Weiss. He never came out of those woods, never. Scary. (picks up phone, dials 911)


DISPATCHER: 9-1-1 what’s your emergency?


FRED: I need to know what bus to take from my house to Judy’s house, avoiding the woods.


DISPATCHER: Sir, I think you meant to dial 4-1-1. This line is for emergencies only.


FRED: This is an emergency! Judy moved away and I have to get to her house so I can invite her over to my house so we can sing together.


DISPATCHER: Sir, please dial 4-1-1. (hangs up)


FRED: Rude.. Turns out there’s a bus that takes me exactly one block from Judy’s new address. It’s called the number seven bus. I have no idea how long it is going to take me to get to Judy’s house, so I’m preparing for the worst. I mean, it could take days, weeks.. (sees bottle of ketchup) Do I need ketchup? Probably not. But, it could be dangerous out there.




FRED: I’m coming for you Judy! (spraying ketchup everywhere) I’m coming. I’m coming, Judy!


Imagination ended


FRED: I hate ketchup. (zips bag) This should be enough. (falls) Ow! (sneaks into MOM’s bedroom, where she is sleeping. He spills out her purse and grabs money) I didn’t know how much the bus cost, so I took $25. Well, here I go. Wish me luck. (grabs the invisibility cloak) What? It might rain. Judy. I’m gonna do it. Let’s do this.


KEVIN: (FRED progresses further; KEVIN comes up on bike) Hey, Figglehorn. Where are you going?


FRED: None of your business, Kevin.


KEVIN: Where are you going? To a buttface convention?


FRED: I’m just going to ignore you.


KEVIN: Well, you’re not ignoring me because you just talked to me.


FRED: What happened to your arm? Did you make a fake cast so everyone would feel sorry for you?


KEVIN: No, it’s not fake. Actually some guys tried to steal my bike and I beat them up. It doesn’t even matter because five girls already signed it.


FRED: Why did the all use the same pen.


KEVIN: Because girls like the color red.


FRED: I bet God pushed him down because he hates the way he sings.

KEVIN: What did you say?


FRED: (awkward laugh) I never said anything. I’m ignoring you, Kevin.


KEVIN: Then why do you keep talking to me, Figglehorn? Where are you going, anyway?


FRED: Why do you care? I’m not going to tell you.


KEVIN: Alright, then I’ll just follow you all the way there. How’d you like that?


FRED: Well, I’m here.


KEVIN: You have to take the bus. That is so lame, man. I have girls take me wherever I want to go.


FRED: I have a girl.


KEVIN: Oh yeah? Who?


FRED: My mom.


KEVIN: Oh my God, man. Is anybody listen to this? You’re such a loser, dude. Where are you going? Huh? Where are you going? Huh? Where you going, Fred? Where are you going, Figglehorn? Huh? Where are you going? Oh, oh. Is that your bus, Fred.


FRED: I’m not talking to you, Kevin.


KEVIN: Is that your bus? Gonna get on the bus?


BUS DRIVER: I ain’t got all day here.


KEVIN: (chuckles) I know, I know where you’re going.


FRED: Where am I going? (FRED gets on and the door closes)


BUS DRIVER: A buck and a half.


FRED: Hmm..


BUS DRIVER: Come on kid, I have a schedule to keep here.


FRED: Here is five, you can keep the change. (sees different people on the bus) Hi. Think I’ll sit back here. Uh oh. Supposed to be on the number seven bus.


DERF: This is the number six bus. This is the number six bus.


FRED: I know, but if Kevin knew all the bus routes and where they were going and if I got on the right bus, he would know where I was actually going. So by getting on the wrong bus, he would never know I was actually going to Judy’s house.


DERF: Dude, please chill out.


FRED: Sorry. I’m just really excited. I’m Fred. Fred Figglehorn.


DERF: Derf. (they fist bump and FRED makes explosion sounds) Dude, don’t. That’s lame.


FRED: Oh-- oh right. I knew that.


DERF: So, who’s Judy. Does she have a sister or something?


FRED: She’s my girlfriend.


DERF: No, she’s not.


FRED: What?


DERF: Judy is not your girlfriend.


FRED: You’re right. How did you know?


DERF: (points to eyes) Lie detectors.


FRED: Cool. It’s just, Judy’s such a smoking hot babe. Every time I see her, I just tingle.


DERF: She makes you pee?


FRED: I said tingle, not tinkle.


DERF: Dude, take a joke.


FRED: I guess I’m a little weird.


DERF: Everybody’s weird, man. All of us.


FRED: What’s take supposed to mean?


DERF: Don’t think about it too much. If it means something to you, process it.


FRED: Wow! You’re like a God, Derf. I wish I could be that cool around Judy. She’s the most hacking awesome girl ever… Yeah, we’re for sure to get married, but obviously it’s not gonna be tomorrow, although, I wouldn’t mind that.. The best day in sixth grade would have to be when Judy and I were assigned in the same math group. Green for go because it was the advanced group. The worst day would have to be the next day when the teacher realized I was supposed to be in the green group and whacked me really hard in the knuckles with a ruler...You know, we’re a really good duo. Like we’re really good together…


BUS DRIVER: End of the line.


FRED: Huh?




FRED: You’re gonna kill us?


BUS DRIVER: No, it means you gotta get off.


FRED: Oh.. Well, it was nice meeting you. Derf? Derf? Huh, that’s odd. (sees the waterpark) OH MY GAMMIT.


BERTHA: Fred? What are you doing?


FRED: Bertha?


BERTHA: I asked you a question. Are you dong-e-a-fong?


FRED: No. No, no, not at all. What’s dong-e-a-fong.


BERTHA: Deaf. You add ong to each continence. Dong--e--a--fong. What are you doing here?


FRED: Bertha, I can come to the pool if I wong-a-nong-tong.


BERTHA: Yeah? Well, I’ve never seen you here before and you’re not wearing a swimsuit.


FRED: (looks down at tee shirt, jeans, shoes, and a coat) This is my swimming suit. I mean, sometimes I don’t like showing my body too much because, you know, there’s too much sex appeal.




FRED: How come nobody’s here? You’re, like, the only one.


BERTHA: Some kid pooped in the pool.


FRED: Eww!


BERTHA: Good thing is, now there is no line for the slide.


FRED: I have to go anyway.


BERTHA: Yeah, okay, sure.


FRED: I’m going to my friends house. Girlfriend.


BERTHA: Before you go, do you want to try something cool? (BERTHA buries FRED) Pretty fun, isn’t it?


FRED: It’s really fun. My neck is hot but my feet are cold. But what if I have to go to the bathroom?


BERTHA: Don’t be a wong-i-mong-pong. Well, I’m going swimming. Later.


FRED: I’m not a wimp. (FRED eats a fly that is buzzing around them and then starts imagining.)




VOICE: (FRED is still buried) Help! Somebody help her.


JUDY: Help!


VOICE: I think she is drowning.


FRED: No. No, Judy! I’m trapped just wait one second Judy!


JUDY: Fred!


FRED: Judy!


KEVIN: JUDY! I’ll save you. (turns to lifeguard) Hey, bro! I got it. Get out of the way, get out of the way. Move it, pop. Judy, I’ll save you.


KEVIN: (start singing a duet with JUDY) Love.


FRED: (screams)


JUDY: Love will keep us together.


JUDY AND KEVIN: Think of me babe, whenever.


JUDY: Some sweet talking girl.


FRED: Love won’t keep you together. You guys don't love each other.


JUDY AND KEVIN: Don’t mess around, you’ve just got to be strong.


JUDY: ‘Cause I.


FRED: Why are you guys singing together?


KEVIN: ‘Cause I really love you.


JUDY: ‘Cause I.


FRED: Judy, I thought we were going to take it to the next level?


JUDY: I’ve been thinking of you.


FRED: No! No! (FRED gets kicked in the face by KEVIN)


Imagination Over


FRED: Oh my Gammit. Oh my Gammit, I have to get going. I’ve got to get to Judy’s house.


JUDY: (to pool cleaner) So- did you get the poop out of the pool yet? No? (turns toward FRED) Fred! You can’t show up to Judy’s house looking like that. She’s gonna make fun of you.


FRED: How did you know I was going to Judy’s house?


JUDY: I didn’t until just now. So long dong-o-o-fong-u-song.


FRED: (shows up to laundry mat)


EMPLOYEE: What are you doing? You can’t be naked in here.

FRED: I was going to leave my underwear on.


EMPLOYEE: Yeah, well nobody wants to see you in your underwear.


FRED: I beg to differ. I’ve been told my body is pretty attractive. (starts to sing) Uh-huh, yeah. Uh-huh, yeah. Uh-huh yeah.


EMPLOYEE: Uh-huh no.


FRED: Uh-huh, yeah.


EMPLOYEE: Uh-huh, no.


FRED: Uh-huh, yeah.


EMPLOYEE: Uh-huh. No. Get your butt out of here.


FRED: (screams; sees car wash) I’d like a regular cleaning.


CAR WASH EMPLOYEE: Would you like a fragrance?


FRED: Green apples.


CUSTOMER: Green apples?


CAR WASH EMPLOYEE: (laughs) Can I get a green apples, please?


FRED: Will you watch my bag for me?


CAR WASH EMPLOYEE: Where's your car?  (FRED goes through the carwash by himself; people are intrigued) That was awesome.




FRED: (singing) It’s about to get frightening, ‘cause I’m out with no license. She give me that.


JUDY: Beep, beep.


FRED: I give her that


JUDY: Honk, honk.


FRED: She give me that


JUDY: Beep beep.


FRED: Beep beep.


JUDY: Beep, beep.


FRED: Beep, beep.


JUDY: Beep.


FRED: Beep.


JUDY: Beep.


FRED: Beep.


JUDY AND FRED: Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Beep.


Imagination ends


FRED: (walking down the streets, his eyes are closed, he is making a steering wheel action with his hands) Beep, beep, beep. (a car swerves, honking its horn at FRED)


DRIVER: Get out of the road.


FRED: I’m sorry.


DRIVER: Nice hair, moron.


FRED: (sees reflection; screams) Oh, geez. (FRED continues walking until he sees a pet store) Oh my God! They sell squirrels. I love squirrels.


LORENZO: Customer!


FRED: Squirrels.


GARY: I’m busy.


LORENZO: And I’m grooming Lancelot.


GARY: And you’re useless. Yes young man?


FRED: Oh, hey. I was just looking at the squirrels.


GARY: We don’t have squirrels. You might want to go to the park, or outside. We do have hamsters though. They’re in the rodent family if you want to take a look at them.


FRED: I saw the squirrels and I thought they’d be the perfect present for Judy.


GARY: Look, I don’t know her and I don’t care to know her. We can’t help you but presents are nice. I enjoy them.


LORENZO: (whispers) Gary, Gary. The young man believes the pomeranians are squirrels.


GARY: I knew that.


LORENZO: I don’t think you did.


GARY: Excuse me!


FRED: Yeah.


GARY: Come with me. Now, by squirrels, do you mean this?


FRED: Yep! How much are they?


GARY: Seven ninety-five


FRED: Oh, okay.


GARY: Lorenzo, can you ring us up seven hundred and ninety-five dollars?


FRED: Seven hundred and ninety-five dollars? That’s how much my mom makes a year. That is ridiculous.


GARY: Nevermind, Lorenzo, he’s broke.


FRED: Okay, well, I’m just gonna be looking around, so don’t even--don’t even mind me.


GARY: I won’t.


FRED: I won’t even be here, I’ll be leaving soon. (puts a dog in his shirt) get in there! Yeah. (looks at store item) I’ve been wanting one of these for awhile now.


GARY: What are you doing?


FRED: What are you talking about?


LORENZO: Put the dog down.


FRED: Dog?


GARY: Squirrel.


LORENZO: Hey, put the dog down.


GARY: Squirrel.


FRED: I don’t have a dog, you psycho.  


LORENZO: Oh my god, Gary, he’s a gangbanger. This is mace! I will spray you.




LORENZO: I will spray you in the eyes.


GARY: Lorenzo, what are you doing with mace?


LORENZO: Someone has to protect us.


GARY: This is not the time for your drama, okay?


LORENZO: Put the dog back.


GARY: I would do what he says.


FRED: I don’t have a dog.


LORENZO: Lady, clear out. Put the dog back.


FRED: It’s not a dog.


GARY: Spray him! He’s got crazy in his eyes.




FRED: Leave me alone.


LORENZO: Put the dog back.


GARY: Spray him!


LORENZO: Don’t tell me what to do.


GARY: Just spray him! (LORENZO ends up spraying GARY; screaming from both LORENZO and GARY)


LORENZO: GARY! Look what you’ve made us do.


GARY: My beautiful eyes!


LORENZO: Tell your friends not to mess with us. (FRED runs out)


GARY: This is worse than when you made me stay at the marriott!


LORENZO: I’m sorry.


FRED: (walking down the streets further and further; he sees a Mexican man) Oh, hey, sir, do you know how to get to Meadow Lane from here?


MEXICAN MAN: Quiere amigo?


FRED: What?


MEXICAN MAN: Lo siento, yo no habla Ingles.


FRED: I can’t understand you, I’m sorry.


MEXICAN MAN: Lo siento, yo no habla Ingles.


FRED: Oh my god! There’s something wrong with me. Why is there a voice in my head that doesn’t even make sense?


MEXICAN MAN: ¿Por qué estás molesto?


FRED: Are you a space man? Is that what you are?


MEXICAN MAN: Dios mío, tienes una voz muy molesta.


FRED: You’re doing something to me, aren’t you? You’re gonna ruin my brain.


MEXICAN MAN: Debes enloquecer a tus padres.


FRED: Get away from me, space man. I will not let you ruin my brain.


MEXICAN MAN: Ese es un chico raro.


FRED: (running away screaming; ends up at the Dam) Dam.


PARK RANGER: Dam, indeedy.




PARK RANGER: Hey, watch that cussing. I’m just playing. It’s a damn, it’s what it is.


FRED: I was just looking.


PARK RANGER: Good for you, you should look. Soak her in. Soak in all the dam beauty. I’ll tell you what, she’s the single greatest feat of engineering in this entire county. Hey, you know what this dam is made out of you, don’t you?




PARK RANGER: Sweat and ingenuity, friend. Sweat and ingenuity.


FRED: Do you know how to get to the number seven bus?


PARK RANGER: Oh, the number seven bus? Well, just a quick little jaunt through the woods right here.


FRED: The woods?


PARK RANGER: Oh, no, no, no. Don’t be scared. Don’t be scared of the woods. You’re not scared of the woods, are you?


FRED: I have to walk through the woods?


PARK RANGER: Nothing to be afraid of in the woods except for what happened to Little.. Evan.. Weiss. (FRED screams) Oh, but if you’re scared, I’ll tell you what you can do. You can turn around and just go home and be home with mama.


FRED: Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea. Mama?




FRED: Mama?




FRED: Mama?


PARK RANGER: Mama, save me. I’m a big, grown baby who needs his mama. What’s wrong with you. You know what I’d do if I were you? I’d man up. I’d face my fears. I’d be--yes, I’d be somebody. That’s me. Who are you?




PARK RANGER: Man up, man. Head into those woods. Face your fears. Do what I’d do. Look at the- respect the badge.


FRED: You’re right, you’re definitely right. I should- I should go through those woods.


PARK RANGER: There you go.


FRED: Judy needs me right now.


PARK RANGER: Do it for Judy!


FRED: It’s just the woods.


PARK RANGER: It’s just the woods.  


FRED: It’s no big deal.




FRED: I’m gonna do it.


PARK RANGER: Run! Run to Judy! Run to her! No running in the dam.


FRED: (at the border of the woods) Okay. Okay. I’m good. (walks in, runs back out screaming) Okay, okay. It’s okay. It’s okay, Fred. (starts to sing) Maybe if I sing, I’ll feel better. This place isn’t so nice. I never wanted to come back here because of Little Evan Weiss.


DEER: I like your song. You’re a good singer. Mmh. You should thank someone for a compliment. (FRED screams at the talking deer) What’s Wrong?!


FRED: You’re talking. And you’re a deer.


DEER: For a minute there, I thought there was a wolf or something. You scared me.


FRED: Do all deers talk?


DEER: It’s deer. Do all deer talk? The plural deer still deer. Just like moose. Nobody says mooses or meese.


FRED: Do you all talk?


DEER: Some of us way too much. Hey, can I drop one with you?


FRED: Drop what?


DEER: A song.


FRED: Really? Okay!


FRED AND DEER: (sings) Walking through the woods, but there was nothing to fear. Since I met my friend, the Deer.


DEER: (sings) That’s me.


FRED AND DEER: Woah-oh-oh-oh. Woah-oh-oh.


DEER: Stop, hoofer time.


FRED: You know, I don’t even know why I’ve been so terrified of the woods. I mean, now that I’ve actually came here, I realize it's not even that scary.


DEER: I’m out of here.


FRED: I mean, the woods has got trees, deer, birds. I mean, there is just so much to it. I mean, it’s more than just-


EVAN: Fred! It’s me, Evan. Evan Weiss. I caught it.


FRED: Caught what?


EVAN: The ball. I got the ball. (FRED screams) I got it. Tell my parents I’m okay.


FRED: (ran away screaming, is now at the bus stop. He sets up camp on the sidewalk waiting)


KEVIN’S MOM: (driving) Oh, hey, look. It’s your little friend.


KEVIN: Hey Figglehorn. You need a ride? (laughs) What an idiot. Mom, drive around the block.


KEVIN’S MOM: I’m not your chauffeur.


KEVIN: MOM! (he goes around again) Hey! Nice lean-to. One more.


KEVIN’S MOM: Kevin, no. I am drawing the line.


KEVIN: I’m gonna tell dad.


KEVIN’S MOM: Don’t tell him.


DERF: (FRED shoves his face with sardines) What is that?


FRED: Derf! How did you get here?


DERF: Dude, my question needs to be answered first.


FRED: Sardines.


DERF: Lunch fail, man.


FRED: No, I don’t actually like them but when I packed my food, I forgot to pack a can opener, and this is the only can that had a handy little opener on it, and I’ve been walking all over, so I’m really tired and I just got so hungry.  


DERF: You got to chill out, man.


FRED: I’m going to bed. Will you wake me when the bus comes?


DERF: Maybe. But maybe not.




DERF: (Bus shows up) bus, man.


FRED: Thanks Derf. You’re like the best friend I’ve ever had. (DERF doesn’t seem to like that) Just kidding. Obviously. I’m doing it. Wish me luck. I’m going to Judy’s house. (smells breath, starts brushing teeth)


ELDERLY LADY: You want it? (has a pomeranian in her hand) Do you want it? Excuse me. I found this poor little animal wandering around all by herself.


FRED: A squirrel. It’s a squirrel. I’ll take it. This is my lucky day. Oh. Me and Judy will be your new parents, and we’ll love you forever.


BUS DRIVER: Meadow Lane.


FRED: Oh my Gammit, we’re here. We’re gonna see your mama. Here we go (FRED gets off the bus) Judy! Yes! Judy.


JUDY: (vacuuming) Mom, I hate it here. I want to move back to our old house.


JUDY’S MOM: Stop complaining.


FRED: (JUDY is crying; FRED has finger up like a mustache) Hello, miss.


JUDY: Who are you? (FRED takes away finger) Fred!


FRED: It’s me.


JUDY: I knew you’d come for me. You got my psychic message!


FRED: I did, I brought you a gift, Judy.


JUDY: A squirrel. I love squirrels. Thank you.


FRED: It’s nothing.


JUDY: How ever did you get here? It must have been so hard.


FRED: It was. I crossed the entire city to get to you, Judy. Even the woods. (howl)


JUDY: You went through the woods? (howl) That’s so dangerous. I’d have been worried about the wild animals.


FRED: I wasn’t afraid of the wild animals. But I was afraid of Little.. Evan.. Weiss.


JUDY: He’s alive?


FRED: He’s very alive.


JUDY: Oh my god, I’m so impressed with you. You came all this way. But why?


FRED: To see you, Judy. And to invite you over to my house.


JUDY: Oh, I’d love to come over to your house… To sing. (sings) Do


FRED: (sings) Re.
















JUDY AND FRED. (leaning in towards each other) La. La. La.


Imagination ended


FRED: La, la, la, la. La.


FEMALE BUS DRIVER: Are you coming, or ain’t you?


FRED: OH MY GOD! THE BUS! (FRED gets to JUDY’s house, he walks in and there is a party) Judy! Judy, I’m here.


KEVIN: Fred?


FRED: Where is Judy?


KEVIN: Oh my God, guys. It’s Fred. What are you doing here, Fred.


FRED: I think I can ask you the same question, Kevin.


KEVIN: No you can’t because I was invited and you weren’t. So get out, dude. This isn’t even your house, Kevin. You can’t just tell me to leave. What are all you guys doing in here anyways? Just creeping around Judy’s house or something.


PARTY GIRL #1: What’s it look like? It’s a party.


KEVIN: Yeah, it’s a party. That you weren’t invited to.


FRED: Well, for your guy’s information, Judy would be happy to have me here. I call her every night.


PARTY GIRL #2: Oh my God, what a loser.


FRED: (JUDY walks in) Judy!


JUDY: Fred?


KEVIN: Please tell me you didn’t invite Figglehorn to this party.


JUDY: What are you doing here?


FRED: Don’t you want to hear about how I got here?


JUDY: Fred, I’m kinda in the middle of my party.  


KEVIN: I think she just told you to leave, mate.


JUDY: Maybe you shouldn’t be here.


FRED: Judy? You’re right. Maybe-maybe I shouldn’t be here, because no offense to you, Judy, but this party is so lame.


JUDY: This isn’t lame. This is a good party.


PARTY GIRL #2: Yeah, now it is.


JUDY: This is so embarrassing, Fred.


FRED: Judy, why are you being like this?


KEVIN: Oh my God, I can’t do this.


FRED: Judy, who are you? Where's the Judy I know, huh? Show me her, show me the old Judy.


JUDY: Fred, I think it would be better if you just left. I’m really sorry, Fred.


FRED: Judy, I came all this way just for you.


PARTY GUY #1: This isn’t a girl scout convention. We don’t want any of your cookies.


JUDY: (KEVIN throws pizza on FRED) Kevin!


KEVIN: Pizza shirt! (FRED throws up on the ground, and then on JUDY) Figglehorn yakked it big time.


JUDY: That is disgusting. Oh my gosh! (FRED runs out; JUDY chases after him) FRED! Fred, wait!


KEVIN: You need to send that to me.


PARTY GUY #1: I got it, I got it.


BUS DRIVER (pulls up) Hey kid, you lost or something?


FRED: Kinda.


BUS DRIVER: Where are you going?


FRED: Home.


BUS DRIVER: Alright, my shift is over. Get in. I’ll take you.


FRED: But, I don’t have another five dollar bill.




FRED: Thanks.


BUS DRIVER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (whispers) It pays to tip. (FRED gets dropped off at home) Take care, kid.


FRED: Thanks (holds up fist bump)

BUS DRIVER: Don’t. That’s lame.


FRED: Oh. (gets inside; starts screaming) That was so humiliating! I can’t believe Judy had a party and didn’t even invite me. She’s not who I thought she was at all. I bet you that southern accent of hers isn’t even real. She’s probably never even been to the south.


MOM: Fred, honey. Who are you talking to?


FRED: Mom? Mom. I’m really upset right now.


MOM: Well, one of your friends just sent me a video about you on the computer.


FRED: About me?


MOM: Yeah, you gotta check it out.


FRED: (watches video of him throwing up on JUDY) Oh my Gammit, this is so embarrassing. Forty-seven people have see this already? That’s more than my entire class. Fifty-one people now. Fifty-one. That’s like three more people than last time. Who posted this? (reads) KevSmellMyFart. KEVIN! UGH what a stupid username and an even more stupider video. Gosh, why do people watch each other on YouTube. It’s weird. It’s creepy. I don’t get it. I just don’t. Oh my gosh, another person just watched this. Oh my gosh, in 60 seconds, 60 people will have seen this. This is horrible. Imagine how many people will have seen it in a year. Well, I’m not going to stand for this. No, no. I’m going to have a party, and no one is going to be invited.


KEVIN’S MOM: (FRED rings doorbell to KEVIN’s house over and over) Hi, Fred.


FRED: Hi. Hi Mrs. Leebo. Is Kevin here?


KEVIN’S MOM: Oh, he is. Come one in. Kevin, your friend is here.


KEVIN: Mom. I’m in the crapper.


KEVIN’S MOM: Kevin! I’m sorry.


KEVIN: Where’s the toilet paper? Woah, woah, woah. Who invited Figglehorn here?


KEVIN’S MOM: I did. Kevin, be polite.


FRED: It’s okay. Kevin, I’m having a party tonight. That’s why I came over.


KEVIN’S MOM: See, Kevin?


FRED: Yeah, it’s going to be awesome. I mean, there’s gonna be a lot of games and food and music, and we’re gonna do a lot of illegal stuff kids our age can’t do, but we’re gonna do it anyways.




FRED: It’s gonna be great.


KEVIN’S MOM: Oh, that sounds like fun.


KEVIN: Alright. Okay.


FRED: Here.


KEVIN’S MOM: I met your father at a party.


KEVIN: Mom, that’s disgusting.


KEVIN’S MOM: Come on.


KEVIN: (opens envelope that says he is not invited) What is this?


FRED: Your dis-invitation. I’m having a party and you can’t come.


KEVIN’S MOM: I-I’m trying to get it.


FRED: I have to go right now, because there are a lot of other people I have to dis-invite to my party. (FRED runs away)


KEVIN’S MOM: Oh, what a sweet kind. Yeah, I’m glad your friends.


KEVIN: I’m not friends with him.


KEVIN’S MOM: Oh well, you should be, because he seems popular.


KEVIN: Mom,. I’m not even friends with him.


KEVIN’S MOM: I would be, because he’s popular.


KEVIN: Mom, I’m not friends with him. (KEVIN’S MOM touches and plays with KEVIN’s hat.) Stop touching my hat.


KEVIN’S MOM: Oh gosh, right. Don’t touch the hat.


FRED: (walks up to a girl) I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren’t invited. Bye. (up to a boy at the mailbox) Oh, oh it looks like you got my message that you’re not invited to my party. Sucker! (walks up to a different girl) I And I asked everyone and they specifically said you weren’t cool, so here you go. (walks up to two people) One for you, and one for you. BOTH NOT INVITED!!! (walks up to two guys) Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that I was having a party, but you’re not invited.


BERTHA: (FRED rings her doorbell many times) What’s up, moron?


FRED: Bertha, hi.


BERTHA: Hey, Fred. What’s up.


FRED: Not much.




FRED: Just hanging.


BERTHA: I saw that video of you online.


FRED: It’s so funny, isn’t it? Everyone saw it. I’m not stupid, I know. I get it, I’m over it. Anyways, here (hands her letter) You’re not invited and I was never going to invite you anyway. See ya. Gonna be fun without you.


BERTHA: I didn’t think that video was funny.


FRED: Are you serious? When I was all (vomit noise)? And then Kevin was like “oh, let’s throw a piece of pizza at him hahaha so funny!” Oh, but you weren’t laughing, were you?


BERTHA: No, I wasn’t invited to Judy’s party.


FRED: You weren’t? Well, I don’t know. I guess I just assumed. Well, anyways, I’m going to go get ready for my party, so see ya.


BERTHA: Okay, have fun.


FRED: Bertha! Bertha? Would you, maybe, wanna--like, you can just come to my party maybe just for a little bit. You don’t have to stay the whole time, but do you want to come, maybe?




FRED: Really?


BERTHA: Yeah. I like partying. I’m a good partier.


FRED: Ok, well, if you come, bring a lot of clothes, and just bring everything you’ve got, okay?


BERTHA: Do I just-- I can just bring anything? It doesn’t matter?


FRED: A ton! A ton of clothes.


BERTHA: I guess I’ll just bring them all.


FRED: Yes, everything.


BERTHA: I’ll just grab my whole wardrobe.


FRED: Do it now, do it now, do it now, now, now, now, now.


BERTHA: I’ll see you in a minute. Okay, bye.


FRED: (BERTHA and FRED decorate the house, grab MOM’s wigs and video her) Did you get that?


MOM: Hey, Fred. What’s going on here.


FRED: Nothing.


MOM: What are you doing with the camera?


FRED: We’re having a party.


MOM: Did we talking about you having a party?


FRED: Yeah--no, sorry.


MOM: How many people did you invite?


FRED: One hundred.. One hundred


MOM: You got a lot of friends, Fred.


FRED: Bye.


MOM: That’s good, that’s real good.


FRED: (BERTHA and FRED set up a fake party and they make fake people to film. The product of the film will make it seem like an actual party. KEVIN is outside, looking confused) Nice one.


BERTHA: What time is it?


FRED: Huh? Oh, I’m almost done. Just hold on. Almost there. Finally, I’m done with this video. It’s gonna be so awesome, let me tell you. Everyone in my school is going to be so jealous. But-but what if they think it’s fake. That won’t be good. I mean, they’ll think I’m even a bigger loser. You know what, I’m going to send it right now. I’m taking the risk--here I go. No-no. Everyone will think you're a loser. I’m doing it! Why should I even care what they think? Fred-send it, send it, send it. No, Fred, don’t send it. SEND IT! SEND IT, FRED! What should I do? What should I do? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. What should I do? What should I do? Oh my gammit! I sent it. (shows video of party)


PARTY BOY #1: I wanted to make it to Fred’s party, but my girl didn’t want to go. I like to party, she don’t like to party. I like to break it down. I will be at the next one.


SCHOOL GIRL #1: Oh, it was an epic fail of me not to go to Fred’s. I mean, I wasn’t invited but I’m sure it’s because I wasn’t around when he was inviting people. I’ve been out sick. A lot.


PARTY GIRL #1: I would totally go out with Fred, but Judy’s, like, my best friend, and I would never do that to her.


SCHOOL BOY #1: I was at Fred’s house and like-- we, like, hurled together. I mean, we cross hurled.


KEVIN: I don’t care that I wasn’t invited to Fred’s party, you know? I don’t-- I don’t care at all. I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t know why everyone is asking me that. Like, you know? Who was there?


BERTHA: Best party ever, right? Boys, quit staring.


KEVIN: My friends-where did my friends go? Hey. Guys. Guys.


MOM: Hoo! Hey, that was some party. (sees FRED) Hey, mister. Aren’t you supposed to be in school?


FRED: Hey mom.


MOM: You sure know how to throw a little party.


FRED: It was over yesterday.


MOM: Yeah? Did your girlfriend Judy show up?


FRED: Mom! No, she didn’t. She’s not my girlfriend anyway.


MOM: Hey, listen. So what? She’s probably just playing hard to get. There’ll be others knocking your doorstep down. She’d be lucky to have you as a boyfriend. Because you’re good looking, because you’re a Figglehorn.


FRED: I am a Figglehorn, mom. Thanks.


MOM: Anyway, I keep getting their family’s mail. Who’s she think she is?


FRED: I thought you said you were going to toss all the mail, Mom.


MOM: Yeah, well I’m a big talker. Whatcha lookin- oh, nice house.


FRED: Yeah, it’s Judy’s house.


MOM: Is that the house where you hurled?


FRED: Mmhm


MOM: Hey. I know that guy. That’s Danny Genetti.


FRED: Ew! How do you know him?


MOM: We had a date once.


FRED: When was that?


MOM: That was about, I don’t know, fifteen years ago.


FRED: I’m fifteen.


MOM: I’m taking a nap.


FRED: You just got up, Mom.


MOM: Yeah, well whatever. I’m taking a nap.


FRED: Dad, what are you doing here?


DAD: I’m taking a nap.


FRED: (doorbell rings) Judy.


JUDY: Hi Fred.


FRED: You’re tall.


JUDY: Oh, it's the shoes. You weren’t at school today. I hope you’re not sick.


FRED: I-I’m not sick. Not sick at all.


JUDY: Were you taking a nap, then?




JUDY: Why are you wearing your pajamas?


FRED: These are pajamas. They’re loungewear.




FRED: So, what do you want?


JUDY: I wanted to see you, Fred.


FRED: Really?


JUDY: I really wanted to apologize. I just felt like I’ve been really mean and I should have invited you to my party. I’m really sorry.


FRED: Don’t worry. I’m totally over it.


JUDY: Well, I totally deserve to be barfed all over.


FRED: Want me to do it again?


JUDY: (FRED fake barfs) Nice.


FRED: Apology accepted.


JUDY: Thank you… So, can I come in?


FRED: Like, into my house?


JUDY: I just thought we could hang out.


FRED: And- and do what?


JUDY: I don’t know… I thought we could sing together.


FRED: Sing? Me and you, like, together? Singing? Just-just hold on one second, okay?


JUDY: Sure.


DERF: (FRED screaming) Oh yeah dude. Rock on.


FRED: Won’t you come in?


JUDY: Thank you.


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