looking for closure

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


just looking for some answers from the audience. Edit:: the note he gave me was from grade 8.

Submitted: November 18, 2017

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Submitted: November 18, 2017

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I had a crush in junior high for 3 years. Or I thought was 3.. because I am now 26 years old and still thought of him every day, even while I was in relationships,somehow he always find his way back in my mind. I wished him happy birthday in my head all the years. Back track to the day I decided to have the courage and added him on ig. But we never spoke since we graduated Jr high. I don't think he knew I liked him? But he did give me a silly note which he drew a funny character of me and put my name on it. I still have it. Ok so I decided to message him, since I moved away to a different city and figured he is back home so this would be just a small chat. After talking for a Bit, he told me he's also moved to the same city! Woah... so yeah go figured. I went over to his ..and we chatted until 5 in the morning and went and watched a movie together in his bed. We did not had sex but we did have the best cuddle..for me anyways.. then 2 days later, he never texted me so I did.. it didn't go anywhere really so I initiated another text 2 weeks later seeing if he wanted to hang out. I went over and we had another good talk until 5 in the morning.. both went to bed and after things got heated and we had sex. To me, it was the best experience I've ever had with anyone. Probably because I have a lot of deep feelings for him since childhood so sex amplified the feelings. The next morning we went our separate ways and did not speak for another week. 2 weeks later I sent a text confirming if he was still ok to give me a ride to the airport. He did show up. However, when we were together, it didn't feel like we had sex... I was too scared to bring up any emotion and he's either shy or didn't seem to eager to talk about it but we still acted casual as friends and laugh at jokes together. A week later, i confessed to him my feelings and told him I like him and always thought of him since we were kids. He replied that he had a hunch and sorry he was an ass in jr high,he didn't mean it and thinks I'm a sweetheart. Further on, I changed the topic and conversation kind of just ended there. The last thing I said was "what are you doing" and yup, he left me on read. :) we haven't spoke for over a month since but he still reads my stories on Instagram and even started to like my pictures, although I'm not a frequent poster but since then I had posted 3 stories and 1 selfie and he's been reading and even liked. My question is ... why? If you are not feeling the same,then wouldn't you think that they wouldn't like your picture or care what you're doing? Is it just out of curiosity? I'm confused and I refuse to start another convo with him but I can't get him off my mind. It's been 14 years .. originally, he was just the boy that linger in my mind but it turned to reality and I now hold a fond memory of him as an adult. But feelings are even harder to ignore. I can forget this but I also know that they're other people who will appreciate me and give me the same feedback. But he means so much to me and im just confused. Am I delusional?


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