This is my life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

A true life story of a young adult seeking answers in form of a memoir.

Submitted: November 21, 2017

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Submitted: November 21, 2017



‘If you don’t stop thinking about it, you won’t stop worrying about it’ said Nes. 


Pause; you know what? I’m going to take you back 6 months ago when it all started. 


My name is Shona and I’m a young adult trying to find where she fits in life. I have had a rough yet bright and productive year that greatly consisted of self discovery. In this year, I met the most amazing yet terrible human that would go on to be my reason for writing this story and a million other poetry pieces. 


Before this guy, we’ll call him X, I was a young lady living free and seeking to find a perfect man. Maybe perfect was too much to ask for because that’s exactly what X turned out to be. We kicked it off almost immediately and we both knew that we would fall madly in love with each other in a minute. 


X was amazing, he was a shadow that I carried around; everywhere to be honest because I enjoyed it and I couldn’t live without him. I was his shadow too, if I do say so myself. But in this happiness, I experienced the most sadness and self hatred ever. X made me realize that I was a very terrible human that wasn’t deserving of love and should never have been allowed to dwell in the midst of people. It won’t be a long time till I realize that I was a wicked, selfish, rude and overall jealous woman who deserved to be left alone to die in misery and dejection. 


Did I stop breathing the very air X exhaled? No. No I didn’t because I quickly learned that only X would ever be able to manage the mess that I was. Only X would ever consider looking at me twice and you know, I was just fine with that. Until X didn’t see me that way anymore and wanted freedom. I began to truly see that I was unattractive, I was not in any way his league and he was only doing me a favor. I was grateful to him and I was ready to be for life. 


Then he left. Not physically, but he left. He found solace in other women and things. More beautiful persons, inside and out were his new obsession. I was nothing but mere rag that I was and he had realized that he didn’t have to be with me, so he left. 


Play: now we are back to reality. Nes is my best friend and she’s convinced that X was undeserving of me and the awesomeness that is me. I’m having a meltdown because I won’t stop thinking about why he left me, and of course blaming myself. So Nes reminds me constantly that if I don’t stop thinking, I won’t stop worrying. 


I would stop thinking but I’m in a dilemma. I am pregnant with his child and I am stuck between holding on to this memory and constant reminder of him or tossing it all in the bin like he was never the only true happiness and love I ever felt and knew. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

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