Void

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


Growing up without a dad, does that really have an effect on a person? My memories of him as a raging alcoholic, torturing my mom. I have those memories from the age of three. My mom did what she
had to, to protect my older brother and I. Goodbye to Dad, whoever you were.My whole childhood, I watched my mom struggle to feed us. I think of myself as " that poor girl" dragged out to the
welfare office watching Mom break down in tears as she grabbed a block of cheese and some rice. I remember her talking to them about toys for Christmas for us. She didn't want to do it that way but
a single mom without any support had no choice. Could my own life choices and the feeling of emptiness come from an unhappy childhood with no daddy. The first alcohol drink at age 13, which lead to
heavier, wreckless drinking. The need for attention from boys, which then lead to working at a strip club when I was just 19. Money came so easy and I felt empowered on that stage. Where else could
I drink, act and lie to these asshole men to think they'd have a chance with me and bring home over a thousand dollars in one night? Well, tell me should I share more ? I'm a different person now.
A married mom of 3. Happily married? Not so much. Love my kids? Absolutely,and I want them to have a normal, happy childhood. No, I'm not a stripper anymore! That was a 2 year thing but I still
think of it every day. I work a dead end job at a fish research lab ( I know, weird, right?). I go to bed alone every night by myself as my husband falls asleep on his chair in the living room.(
Again, weird). Lonely is how I feel. Always that void, always wanting to fill it. Maybe a dog??? More antidepressants? More ice cream and and cookies? Or should I just starve myself and get super
skinny, as that's when I can at least feel like I've accomplished something??!!!

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Submitted: November 21, 2017


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