Fading Golden.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

An alternate version of Fading Golden

Submitted: November 28, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 28, 2017



Dear Alex,

I remember the first time I saw color. I was only four, standing at the top of the playground slide, when suddenly, there was this bright burst things. They were everywhere. They coated the skies, and the grass, and the tiny birds that flew above me. I had absolutely no idea what they were, but somehow, I knew that they were important.

Later that evening, I whispered to my Mother, “Mommy, Mommy, I starting seeing these things.” She smiled fondly, and told me that I was seeing color. She described it as the most beautiful thing in the universe. As I dreamt that night of indigo skies and emerald fields, her words swirled around within my mind. The most beautiful thing in in the universe. But it wasn't color I was describing. It was the boy that I'd met earlier that day, at the top of the slide.

My mother hadn't told me why I saw color. Why she couldn’t anymore. She’d stated that I was too young, that I had to learn it's meaning by myself. However, I was four. I didn't remember anything. All I knew at the end of the day was that I'd found my best friend. Alex. You.

We became constants in each other's lives, the perfect pair of friends. You, with your quiet aura, cheeky comments, and bright brown eyes. Then there was me, completely clueless to the fact that I met you the same day I met color.

As we grew older, we learned what color meant. We learned that people usually saw it for the first time when they were in their twenties, the first time they see their soulmate. I can recall thinking that I was broken, that color came in on accident, like an actor stepping onto the stage four acts early. I was worried that I’d never feel the thrill of meeting my soulmate for the first time, that I’d never experience the rush of adrenaline, and storm of butterflies. You were always there to cheer me up, though, and my troubling thoughts disappeared as quickly as they’d entered.

Then, along came that day. Do you remember it as clearly as I do? We were sitting on your bed, reading comics in a comfortable silence. A comfortable silence that, stated in the most honest way, was slaughtered and dumped into the garbage disposal.

“Alex, we can’t be friends anymore.”

Though it was abrupt, it got my message across clearly. Of course, you were angry and confused. I don’t blame you, who wouldn’t be?  You asked questions, and I dodged every single one.

“Why? Just tell me why,” you pleaded over and over.

Well, it’s probably too late now, but do you want to know why?

It’s because I felt like I’d lost myself. I was with you every second of every day, to the point where I wasn’t even my own person anymore. It was always Lia and Alex.

Remember when you were sick for a week, and couldn’t come to school? I was so miserable that I could not, for the life of me, focus on anything. By the third day, two of my teachers had already asked me whether I was okay. Alex, I couldn’t last three days without you. How the hell was I supposed to live my life like that?

Also, I wanted to find my soulmate. I wanted to feel true love. Is that so wrong? I wanted to find that one person I’d met when I was four, who’d given me color, the most beautiful thing in the universe… and I couldn’t do that if I spent my every breathing moment with you. I mean, yes, you were my best friend, but I wanted more. I was searching for a special kind of connection, though I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like. I just knew it couldn’t be the same thing I felt around you, because love was supposed to be new and exciting like everyone says, not the comforting familiarity I felt around you.

And so, we continued onwards, onto our separate journeys. As months passed, I became accustomed to my new life, with a new group of friends. The pain I’d felt from leaving you eventually dimmed into a dull throb. I met a boy, who had striking blue eyes and raven-black hair. He saw color too. At some point, I’d convinced myself that he was my soulmate. After all, we could both see color, and according to everyone, he was the perfect match for me.

I tricked myself into believing I was happy, that my life had finally fallen into place. That is, until my vision started fading. I was at a party, drink in hand, watching my boyfriend flirt with who knows what girls. I didn’t care to find out. Then, slowly, the neon lights transformed into light pink and blue pastel. It didn’t make any sense. People only lost their color when their soulmates died, and mine was right in front of me.

I headed home, and fell asleep, not particularly concerned. However, when I woke up at two in the morning to the sound of my phone going crazy, that changed. Text messages were flooding in, reading “I hope he’s okay”, “I’m so sorry”, “Sending my prayers”.

Sending prayers to who? Did something happen to my mother? My sister? I had no clue. Yet somehow, in the deepest part of my brain, my mind was screaming Alex.

And now, here you are. Lying motionless in front of me, body painted in cuts and bruises. The doctors had described the car crash. They told me that you had four broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and severe brain damage. They told me that you wouldn’t make it, and that I should say my goodbyes. So… here I am.

Alex, will you please, please, just wake up? I know now, I know it was you, it was always you, and I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize. I’ve been feeling true love since the day I’d turned four, and every ounce of innocent joy I’ve felt since then was thanks to you. I was oblivious, and so, incredibly idiotic, but I’m not anymore. Please, Alex, don’t let this be the last time I see color. Please, don’t leave me when I finally know what it means.

Vivid red. It’s the color of the blood that coats your body as I write this letter. It’s the anger at you for giving me this gift, just to take it away. But it’s also the color of your cheeks in the winter, and your lips when they tilt into a smirk every time you encounter anything remotely amusing. It’s pain, and it’s passion, and it’s non-existent wedding roses scattered down the aisle.

Rich yellow. It’s the color of the operating lights, casting dark shadows across your face. But it’s also the color of morning sunlight, streaming in through the window curtains, painting your eyes a beautiful golden. It’s the glow that you radiate each time you smile. It’s happiness and it’s days spent running on warm sand.

Brilliant blue, the color of the god-awful hospital gowns everyone seems to be wearing. However, it was also the color of the sky when we first met at the top of that slide, pure and loving. Blue is the feeling of calmness and serenity I felt whenever you were by my side.

There are countless other colors. Vibrant orange, like the giddiness I felt when you surprised me on my tenth birthday. Intense green, like the envy of seeing you gazing at someone else. Radiant purple, like the mysteries of the universe, all contained inside one human being.

And guess what? My mother was right. Color is the most beautiful thing in the universe. Primary colors, secondary colors, and every shade in between mix together to form something so unbelievably ethereal and alluring. That, as I’ve always known, was you.

Forever yours, Lia.

© Copyright 2019 Lillian Rae. All rights reserved.

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