While I die...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

While I die...

Submitted: December 05, 2017

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Submitted: December 05, 2017



While I Die…

I want to hold you while I die.

When I think of our past, I smile. I cry…

Jan awoke in the dark on a sloppy bed.

She groaned. She barked, placed a hand to her throbbing head.

I wish to go back to the mall…

when you wanted to make whoopee in the bathroom stall.

Neither of us knew what whoopee meant.

We heard it in a movie, been sayin’ it ever since.

Jan stumbled ahead until she found the light.

Two men shared her bed. She was regretful at the sight.

I remember the night I crawled right through your window.

You said you were alright, but you needed a friend though.

Jan pulled her top back over her breasts.

She reached down, situated her dress.

Your parents got arrested for a drunken fight.

So, I wanted to be there for you through the night.

You played it so cool.

Jan opened the door.

You were always so tough.

The crowded hallway looked at her as if she were a whore.

I was the fool for never sayin’ enough.

Jan staggered down the hall of judgmental faces.

She knew if she wanted to make it here, these were the places.

We smoked weed from your dad’s jar while lying on the roof.

We each picked a big star. I named mind after you.

You told me, “Those stars are meant for us alone.”

You told me, “Don’t look far. Those stars are the phone.”

Jan tumbled down the staircase, spilling people’s drinks.

They rumbled about her hair-raising smell because she stinks.

That night as I held you, I felt a sensation I never knew of.

At the time I couldn’t put a label on it, but now I know it was true love.

Jan hunched over on her hands and knees.

She started to gag, began to dry heave.

You kissed me. And, I’ve never been kissed that way again.

I left my eyes open. You drooled, even though you played it like a veteran.

Somebody get this ho up,” a voice boomed.

Jan swallowed her throw-up, glared around at the room.

You were a free-spirit, a beautiful butterfly.

I was introverted, quiet and shy.

When highschool came, you bloomed.

I was still trying to find my way, just another face in the room.

Another small-towner who can’t handle the glitz.”

Jan felt like a downer, but went after her in a blitz.

I know you feel like you left me out

But that wasn’t the case. It just wasn’t my crowd.

Guests roughly showed Jan to the door.

She started to explode. She just wanted more.

I couldn’t—well, you deserved better than that dude. And, it’s not because they jumped me.

It’s because he put his hands on you. Then, you got mad at me when I did something.

Jan fell to the front porch, crawled through the crowd.

She was all out of sorts, bawlin’ out loud.

Why did we quit talking? Did popularity really mean that much?

I admit I did a bit of stalking. How could I ever forget that touch?

Jan heaved, spewed on the mansion’s front lawn.

People teased, amused by the drunkard in the early dawn.

I heard you moved to California right before I enlisted.

It suits your persona. I wish I couldn’t miss it.

Jan wiped the spittle from her mouth. Her heart burned to the core.

She felt belittled by the crowd. Her heart yearned for more.

You told me to look to the stars if I needed your hand.

I’m afraid I won’t be coming back…

from Iraq.

Please answer me now. I need you, Jan!

Jan froze from the familiar voice in her ear.

She looked around to see who was near.

War is hell. I’m freezing. I just want to be home.

Of course this is Kel, I’m pleading to hear your tone.

Kel… Kel?

Jan looked to their stars as the tears welled.

I want to hold you while I die…

Because that night on the roof, I’d never been more alive.



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