Tell Them I'm Sorry

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: December 14, 2017

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Submitted: December 14, 2017

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Kevin had been thinking about what he needed to do for himself for quite some time. He had never put so much into what he wanted, he was more of a go with the flow kind of guy.  

This was something that needed to be done...it was the only way to make his life better. He didn't want anything other than this, no one understood him, as he didn't understand everyone else.

It wasn't like Kevin's life was terrible. The only thing was that he didn't have his parents, both of them dying while he was really young. His mother died in childbirth, so he only saw pictures of her, and his father died from an accident from work.

Kevin had felt like it wasn't an accident, his father did have enemies. He wasn't too sure of the whole story, sounded sketchy when he was told.  

As much as Kevin thought about his family that he wanted, he knew that all he could do was smile for everyone else. He did have one person, a childhood friend, who stuck by his side all his life.

Laura was almost like him, she also had her fair share of struggles, but she was a fun-loving girl. He had always appreciated what she did for him making him smile, giving him gifts, and giving him food when she had some.

He would at keep her in his thoughts, even if they were scrambled at the moment.  

He sat at the foot of his bed with a couple pieces of paper, he was hurriedly writing what he needed everyone to know. He knew what he wanted to say, but he wanted to hurry up and do what he wanted to do.

'Just gotta get it done,' Kevin thought to himself, finishing the last sentence of his letter.

As soon as he finished he left it unfolded on his bed and looked at it, 'That should be enough.' he thought.

He continued his way through his grandparent's house in where he spent all his life in. They treated him kindly but it wasn't enough to help him on how he was feeling.

He kept this pain in his heart in his mind. Never told Laura or his family how he felt. Never thought he needed to burden them with his dark thoughts.

'Does that make me weak?' he thought as he walked into his grandparent's room.

He shook his head trying to ignore those thoughts that told him not to do it. He went underneath his grandparent's bed and pulled out a box that had a lock on it.

He looked at it thinking more and more of what could happen, but when his thoughts went to a part of him hurting everyone else around him, he washed it over. It was unimportant to him on what would happen later... nothing mattered anyway.

'4, 5, 8, 9' He remembered the combination to get to the gun in the box. It was his father's birthday that's the only way he remembered it. His grandfather told him it to use if he ever needed to protect himself. But that wasn't what he was gonna use it for, it was gonna be used for an escape.

Kevin felt cold all over his body, he was only doing things on autopilot, he just walked to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.

The gun felt heavy and cold in his hand, but it seemed like it fit perfectly. To him, it felt like this was what he was meant to do.

His mind went back to it, everything in his life. It seemed like smiles and giggles with Laura and everyone else. But there laid a darkness that he had to hide. He didn't want pity. He didn't want all of that, he was afraid everyone would make fun of him if he told them.

In this generation, suicide is scorned and treated as if a joke or people who think about it are "edgy."

"I don't want to be like them," he said holding the gun, "I'm not like anyone."

He remembered a day at school where a couple of guys made fun of him telling him he wasn't man enough to kill himself. He wanted to prove them wrong, he wanted everyone to know how much of a man he could be.

His last thoughts and words were, "I am a man."

***

Laura happily skipped to Kevin's house she had just come back from buying a brand new video game for the both of them to play. She remembered his birthday was the next day and she wanted to get him a present early.

She spent all of her allowances on this game, she and her mother never had enough money for everything. But she always tried to make the most of her days.

Always babysitting, mowing lawns, and doing little things for everyone who needed help. Just as long as she could get money.

"I hope that Kev likes this, we are gonna play it all night and grind it out!" She yelled happily.

As she reached the house she noticed that Kevin's grandparents weren't home, she remembered that they had to go to the doctors, for his grandfather.

She thought, 'Well if I know Kevin he probably stayed home anyways. I am gonna surprise him.'

She walked up to the door and went on her tippy-toes to reach the key on top of the doorstep. She was really short so it took her a little while to reach it.

She opened the door quickly, "Kevin look what I have I got us a game that I plan on us playing until the early morning!"

Silence.

"Dude I am serious!" She yelled.

The silence killed her, she wasn't sure what was going on. She had this feeling of dread, she knew something was happening and it wasn't good.

She walked towards the stairs and looked up, she tried not to overthink the situation. He could just be asleep or even just ignoring her on purpose.

'I swear if he is trying to scare me,' she thought to herself trying to make light of her situation.

She walked up the stairs slowly, she could only hear her own footsteps hitting the floor. It was dead silent, only her breathing and steps could be heard.

Once she reached the top she looked at her surroundings, she looked at Kevin's room the door was slightly open. She began to walk towards it her hands and body shaking.

"Kev if you are trying to scare me it's working. Okay? You hear me? It's not funny anymore."

No answer.

Laura began to get angry and quickly opened the door once she reached it, "I'm not even gonna knock, cause you are being an ass right now."

She looked inside the room and there was no sign of anyone, just the perfectly clean room. Laura breathed harder, her blood went from really hot to really cold, she began to feel a huge pit in her stomach. When she looked around she saw the paper at the foot of Kevin's bed, that's when the pit became bigger and her chest knotted.

She put the game she was carrying around on the bed and grabbed for the paper. The two pieces of paper had looked like it was recently written when she touched it some of the ink on the paper did get onto her hands.

Upon reading the letter her eyes started to fill up with tears, all the words written to her and Kevin's grandparents. Everything from "great times with Laura," to "my ever so loving grandparents who cared for me."

She had no idea why this letter was written she was just happy to know that Kevin had taken the time to write such a nice letter to everyone. But soon that happiness would turn into sorrow, as she read the last two paragraphs.

They consisted of dark thoughts of cutting, dying, and suicide, three things she didn't think he would ever think about. The world around Laura went dark, as soon as she read the last words of Kevin's letter.

"I'm a man now," she read allowed, "Tell my grandparents, tell them I'm sorry."

Laura hurriedly put the paper down she didn't want to believe that her friend would ever try and do such a thing. She ran out of his room leaving the letter and the game at his bed.

"You wouldn't do such a thing would you?!" She yelled as she ran everywhere in the house looking for him.

She went downstairs and checked the kitchen, and the living room. Her head began to hurt from all the stress she was putting on herself. She just wanted to find him in time, she wanted to help him out more.

She went back upstairs and checked Kevin's grandparent's room, she grabbed the case that had the gun in it. Kevin's grandpa also gave her the password since she was at their house all the time. But once she grabbed it she noticed that it was already unlocked.

"No, no, no, no! Kevin!!!" She yelled as she got up again, almost stumbling on herself.

She began her search again, 'He could be anywhere she thought. What if I am already too late?'

She tried not to think about it, that would cause her fear to rise even higher, she wanted to at least try first before she thought she had failed.

Laura looked at the bathroom, she didn't want to think that he went in there. But she had to check it the door was closed, unlike all the other doors in the house this one was the only one closed.

She knocked on the door, "Kev? Are you in there?"

Nothing.

Her hand shook as she put her hand on the doorknob, she had hoped that he was safe in there and didn't do anything to himself. She hoped and prayed to God that he didn't die, that he didn't leave her all alone.

She slowly opened the door, "Kevin are you-?"

She stopped herself and saw such a sight that she thought she would ever see in her life. Kevin was on the floor gun full of blood, the wall splatter with brain matter and blood, and his blank expression on his face.

Laura didn't know what to do but to fall to her knees in his pool of blood. She began to scream and cry his name, such an ugly cry that sometimes she just began to speak straight jibberish.

"Kevin? Why? Who made you do this? You were so happy! Why leave me alone?? Come back why would you do this to me?" She wiped her tears as more came, "You could've told me, Kevin? Why were you selfish, you didn't think about us, did you? You-you didn't even...think...did you? I didn't want to lose you too, Kevin I loved you, you meant the world to me, Kevin! Are you happy now? HUH?! Are you happy that you took your life from yourself, you didn't have to do this, there was another way..."

Laura couldn't say anything else her tears would just keep coming down, and her voice couldn't say anything else, just mumbles and noises that weren't words.

Laura was angry and sad, all she could think was how she did feel bad for him but she also thought of him a weak coward.

Laura had to eventually call the cops, as they watched them take her friend away, with what she saw in the bathroom stuck in her mind for a long time.

 


© Copyright 2018 Alex Hernandez. All rights reserved.

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