the confusingly dark life of a nobody

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

it's about a lonely, quiet guy in high school.nothing special happens in his life but in november of his first semester, something changes.he starts to see a quiet girl who wants to be friends with
him.he, on the other hand, doesn't want to and as their days continue on, his dark past is getting uncovered.

I, Hiroshima Haru, am just a typical above avarage lonely guy obsessed with anime in high school.Still dreaming and thinking about my past in primary school, those memories carved into my body.I thought it would be best if I didn't come close to anyone and hurt them, so I wanted to make an impression on my first day in school.I came in with all-black shirt, pants, shoes, even long dark hair which covered my left eye.I even had my black hoodie up hoping that I could give them the typical cold, alone guy who wouldn't bother anyone impression.Of course I tried to talk as least as I could, talking just when it was the teacher asking me something, or not even talking to that.With that done, nobody talked to me or tried to engage a conversation neither in school or out of school, but the teachers found it bothersome that I didn't talk or socialize.My days went like that for about three months.But November was something very different.It was the month before December,Christmas and Christmas Eve, basically a month of preparation before a month of love and happiness.After three months passed since those impressions I gave at the newly starting semester, almost everybody was friends with each other, some of them even became couples and everybody was passionate about spending Christmas with their loved one or asking someone out.I, on the other hand, of course, wasn't the least bit excited.I saw it as another page in the calender that has to go by.But people started talking about me, thinking who am I because they knew almost nothing of me.They started spreading rumors, both good and bad, about why am I so closed off.Some was even worried.They started to consider talking to me.Every time I saw someone trying to approach me, even if they started talking, I stood, from my desk up, and left the room.These acts gave off a cold impression like I intended to.After that, I was confident enough that no one would approach me and I wouldn't have to get friends.But there was one particular person who I noticed.She, Morioka Yuri,the whole school's number one girl, I believe, never gave up and always tried to talk to me. She just wouldn't stop. After a month of her trying to hold a conversation I became tired and decided to let her catch up and talk to me once.When she saw that I would let her, she started to talk to me.Her delicate and soft voice could be heard everywhere.Even I, the cold and quiet guy, found it calming.
I looked at her with eyes as cold as winter and waited for something.
-Sorry if I got your name wrong but...
I shook my head to inform her that she didn't get it wrong.The realization hit me that it wasn't just the first time someone talking to me, but even saying out my name.
~Are you okay?
Her question was sharp, but I couldn't just answer that bacl honestly to someone who I just saw and knew almost nothing about.I didn't even consider talking back so I just nodded my head and started walking away.
~hen why are you like this?
The kind of shock, of her even sharper question stopped me.I didn't know what she meant exactly when she said "like this" so I started to walk away again.
~Why are you acting cold and quiet?Not saying a word or listening to anybody?
This time I didn't even stop myself.
~Are you lonely?Sad?Depressed?
Those three words were enough of a shock for me to stop and turn my head towards her.
~Can't you rely on others just a bit?Or do you find us annoying?
-What...are you...talking about?
It seemed like she was surprised that I actually talked back.Is this girl stupid?Why would she be surprised if she was expecting me to talk?While thinking, in a blink of an eye, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to a bench at the school entrance.
-Why...did you...bring
I asked her while still rapidly in and exhaling.
She replied while she was breathing heavily as well.After some time "arguing" over the obvious fact that I didn't want to talk, she eventually broke me and I listened to her.
~Is something wrong?Are you hurt?
Asking those kind of questions again, I still couldn't tell her anything.Not like she would actually care about it anyway or consider talking to me again.
-I'm okay...really.
She looked at me with a kind of mad and annoyed face.
~Don't be so stubborn.Everyone knows that something is off with you.I mean, you never talk to anybody, always have your hood up, nobody even saw your face, nobody knows the least thing about you, you always leave school as soon as possible, not in any club, acting all cold and not listening to anything anybody says, being straingly smart even though all you do is "listen" in class.
Those things she just said were an almost perfect description of the impression I tried to give everyone.
~Why are you doing this?Why are you so quiet and trying to avoid any contact with us?
Looking down, I scraped together the only things I could say to her without growing close.
-No particular reason.
Raising her voice she started to get even more annoyed.
~Don't give me that.Did you listen to what I just said?Everyone is worried about you.
Her saying those lines made me kind of uneasy."Worried"?"Everyone"? .With a raised voice I talked,almost shouting back.
-Stop right now.What are you implying?"Everyone worried"?Don't give me that crap.
She jumped a bit back at my almost shouting words and I realized that I raised my voice.Out of "embarrassement" I looked down and looked away from her face.After a moment of claming myself down I tried to start over.
-Nobody would nor should care about me!So...go and continue your life!
As I was saying I started to walk away from her hoping this conversation end and I wouldn't have to tell her anymore or talk to her.
~What are you even talking about?"Nobody would care"?Something did happen.Something is definitely bothering you,right?
-That's none of anyone's business.Just mine.
She keeps being pushy about everything and wouldn't stop.
~Not even your friends'?
Friends?Is she actually stupid?Or just very open?
-Friends?I don't have any nor intend to get.And I wouldn't even tell them even if I would have.
-Then what if I would become your friend?Would that make you feel better?Or more open to us?
By the words she said, I started to get a bit fed up about her pushiness and lost control a bit and shouted again.
-Why would you want to be hurt?!
When I came back to my senses I was feeling uneasy that I grew a little bit closer to her just by telling her that.
~Hurt?What do you mean?Being friends would hurt?Who?Me, or you?I'm sure you wouldn't be hurt if you would become friends with me.
Did this girl even understood what I was saying?Is she really stupid?
-It would be the friend who would get hurt.So please, don't talk to me anymore.
Getting even more fed up I saw and realized that people started eavesdropping us and decided to end this conversation.I walked away as I was saying:
-If you don't want to be hurt, get away.
~Wait a minute...!
...She said while trying to reach out to me.At home, alone, I considered what was that nonsense about at school.I decided not to pry it more, had dinner and slept.On the next day she approached me the very first time she saw me, in the hallway of our class.
Everyone suddenly looked dazed at the fact that she was talking to me, because she was the quiet and mysterious, but insanely hot type of girl and they realized that she acts way too childish and kind towards me even though she never gave off any expression like that to anybody but me.I could felt strange auras in the air like an enviable auro from most guys and surprised auras from the girl.I just added oil to this fire of auras by actually turning and talking back.
-You again?What do you want?Didn't I told you not to talk to me if you didn't want to be hurt?
The guys in the hallway freaked out because of the fact that I basically rejected a conversation from the school's number one girl who basically never talks, just like me.That was the one and only common between us.l came to realize that I gave off an even colder impression than I used to and that they heard the "hurt" part.They started freaking out more thinking that I was talking about harrassing her if she would came close.Furthermore adding to the fire, she gave off a sad expression, an expression that, seems like, no one beside me ever saw.They got really worried about her and seeing an even colder expression of me.All of, both the girls and guys, mumbled something about really letting me go and how bad of a guys am I.I just couldn't stand the fuss they did and eventually started to forget about it and walk away.Even in the big crowd, she saw me go away and called out to me once again.
They were even shocked of how clingy she was towards me given that she also the type who lets almost everything off too easily.She started to run towards me, eventually catching up to me and holding my hand.The guys now where furious because she never made any contact to any guy.
-What?You still came back?Do you want to get hurt?Are you a masochist?
I realized what I just said and looking around, I saw every guy giving off that strang aura that they were ready to kill me, thinking that I'm a sadist and would hurt her.
~Please...just wait a bit.I want you to explain yourself about yesterday and about now.What do you mean by get hurt and leaving you alone?Like I would do that.
Not wanting people to hear, I go close to her and whisper in her ear.
-With me around you, over time, your feelings would just get hurt, so leave me alone.
The guys and girls just became more curious now about what am I doing and why is she letting me.
~Even...even if I don't understand how I would get hurt...
As she whispers some things back she starts to get louder and louder eventually shouting.
~I don't want to leave you!
After saying it out I could see the expression on her face that she realized what she just said out loud.Students just became more and more curious,most of the guys even angry, at what is this situation.I was getting fed up with all of this fuss and how they react to everything so I took her hand and pull her to the same bench as yesterday.At this point, the crowd grew large and looking back while running off, I saw girls who just thinking something lovey-dovey and guys thinking of killing me out of jealousy.
I stopped at the bench and immediately started talking to her and lecturing her a bit.
-What were you thinking?You were drawing attention to us.You were making them think of misunderstandings, you know?
~But honestly I'm happy that you dragged me off and that now you are talking to me.
-Huhh?Don't get the wrong idea.You were the one who followed me ven though I said that you would get hurt.What are you, a masochist?Or a dandere?
Oh God.I sounded like a...tsun-....dere.No way.I'm too open to her.
~I don't really know.What is a masochist or a dandere?Some character from an anime?
-If you are talking about Aisaka Taiga the tsundere in Toradora or Nagisa Furukawa the dandere in Clannad then yea-.....wait, no.You are not an anime character.I'm just saying if you are someone who likes to be punished like a masochist or someone who is extremely shy because you don't want to hurt your friends like a dandere.
Having me explain it to her I realized that she is both, like a hybrid, but I, on the other hand, am a hybrid as well of both tsundere and dandere.God...look at what she made me think about.Actually on a better look it seems like that she is neat and kind of avarage in class but lacks common sense.I wouldn't even say that it lacks but simply don't have.
-Are you actually stupid, thinking that you are an anime character?
~Wha? meanie.I'm not stupid.The teachers even said that my IQ was 80%.That's a C-
I think there is a big chance that they meant a 80 IQ.And even, this is not an exam.
-Wait.How old are you?
~What?I'm 20 years old.
What?20 years old?That would mean...An IQ is a divison between your mental age and actual age multiplied by a hundred.Then...X/20*100=80.That would mean...her mental age is 16?!How did she even manage school woth an IQ of 80?
She giggled a bit.
-What is it?
~I'm happy that you asked about my age.That means you are interested in friends.
More like I realize how big of an idiot you are.
~Anyway...I didn't give up on being friends with you so here I am.
God.She seems like she doesn't understand how cruel I can be.What choice do I have here?Even if it's something cruel, I have to tell her, otherwise she would cling on to me all semester and ruin herself.This'll be cruel but if I don't explain it to her, she would be in a far more cruel world. you want to be a friend to me so badly?
-Even if I tell you how cruel was I back then?
~Back then?You mean primary school?Yes...I don't care how pitiful your life was.
Pitiful?She really doesn't know a thing but for some reason, at times like this, she seems very serious.We sat down on the bench and I started talking about my dark past.
-I was a typical kid whom everyone called the plain genius who is very sociable.Talking to everyone, being very open and very energetic.Helping out everyone be it study or simple tasks to be helped out.But...something changed in my last year of school.Everyone was suddenly changing to be with a cold attitude but just towards me.I started to get very confused and started to grow apart towards them too.In those days I didn't know that they were just worried about my anime obsession and that I didn't want to sleep because of it, having a low blood pressure and fast heart beat even though I was very calm and serious everytime,but I didn't find out this worriness then.Anyway...I started to grow apart of them and they were uneasy because of that so they told me about it and I felt something. Something other than sadness.Something that was the most close to the term depression. They got really worried and pushed me to go to a psychologist.I got a bit fed up so I ended going to her and decided to just let time makes things go.But...December came.I thought it was gonna be a really happy Christmas, putting back my depression, even though everyone said that I was very sensitive and fragile at that point.Christmas was in the corner when we got really bad news.We were told that our homeroom teacher's husband is goind to die soon because of some kind of cancer, I believe.That shocking new and the negative aura that everyone gave off that day pushed my so-called fragile soul to the very edge and eventually I started to fall down metaphorically.Basically I attempted suicide many times without anyone noticing like cutting myself open at parts no one could see or jumping off.But I couldn't do it all the way because there was something weird that was holding me back.Something very precious to me.It was anime.I know how weird it is to say that something as weird as anime was the one holding me back but at that time anime was the only thing I looked forward to and made me truly happy from the bottom of my heart.So in a sense, both my life and afterlife is dedicated to anime.But my classmates were getting annoyed and hurt by me so I made up my mind once and for all that I would never make any friend in order to not hurt them.So that's about it.You probably won't be friends with someone like me right?
As I looked over I noticed that she is in tears.She is probably scared of how cruel was I back then.I stood up and finished my story.
-I don't want anyone to be hurt anymore.So stay away.
I started running away but..
She held my hand as I saw her eyes glare because of the tears.
~I...I'm sorry for...prying into your life.But...I'd never leave your side.So..please...go out with me.
-What?!N-No way!To think that someone like me would ever get a girlfriend.Of course.
~Really?I'm so happy.I knew you would be so-
As her sentence cut of for some reason I suddenly woke up in my bed.I see now.It was a was naive of me to think that that would actually happen.As I got out of bed, I brushed my teeth, had breakfast and started going to school.
Let me reintroduce myself by breaking the 4th wall.I, Hiroshima Haru, am just a typical above avarage lonely guy obsessed with anime in high school.Actually..I'm not that typical.Ever since what happened in primary school I were a cold, quiet, smart and lonely guy.Because of this I was bullied in school by the guys, the girls would protect me and the guys would be disgusted about how helpless I am having to be protected by girls.Most of my days went like that until I was pushed to the edge and a day in school on the school roof I decided to jump off.I just couldn't bear the thought of living for another second.When I released the steel bar someone bursted out of the entrance of the roof.
They barely gripped my hand and pulled me back.My face was looking at the ground thinking that I was still there.In that world.Meanwhile she was saying something.
~What are you doing?Did the guys do something?Why are you doing this?Why are you trying to do this?
Why?Good question.As I held my head up a bit I recognized her face.She was Morioka Yuri, number one girl in school.
~Why are you trying to yourself, the person I fell in love with the first time I saw you?!
Saying those words in the most delicate, soft but also sad and fragile voice gave me a shock.What is this?It's happening again.Just like my dream.It's starting all over.It's a dream isn't it?Isn't it?To be sure, what the good God is going on here?! 


Submitted: December 16, 2017

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