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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

she loved like nobody had ever loved....she loved with all her life...and paid the price of such love....

Submitted: December 18, 2017

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Submitted: December 18, 2017



She sent him three emails; he replied to none. She waited all day, all week, all month, checked her inbox and spam, made sure the emails had indeed been sent to him. They had. But he hadn’t replied. She was sad, even angry but a smile spread on her lips as she thought back on the day she had seen him for the first time.

He had been engrossed in discussion with his friends. Tall, sturdy frame, tousled black hair and a pair of glasses to correct his myopia giving his cute face a serious appearance- she liked him all at once. She stared at him until he broke off from his group and headed out the school building. She smiled to herself. The next day she followed him around school- at the morning assembly, during lunch and also when he left school for the day. He was three years her senior and had slightly different school timings. She followed him around the next day again. And the next. And the next, too, until this became a habit and she became a slave to her habit. She told her best friend, Su, about her feelings for ‘the guy in specs’. To Su, he seemed an average guy with nothing seemingly interesting to offer but when Su told her this, she didn’t agree. As days changed into months, she fell more in love with him and was earnest to tell him about her feelings. But tell him she could not, for she was shy and timid and didn’t know how to start a conversation with a guy. She was in love but also terribly incapable of talking to him. His final exams got over and he graduated from school. She copied his marks in her notebook- figures she would remember for the rest of her life. She would feel unhappy that he wasn’t to be seen in school anymore, she would regret not having spoken to him, she would write his name in her notebooks and exam sheets and hands and her school desk, and contrary to what Su had predicted, her feelings did not go extinct after he went out of sight but gained new strength.

Five years later she was attending University. She liked the campus, beautiful and serene, and enjoyed taking walks by herself in the evening. Studies were going fine, neither good nor bad, friends were fewer than few and her roommate, Sam, was the only one she would chat and laugh with. She had told Sam about him and one day when she sat crying over his physical absence from her life, Sam took it upon herself to help her roommate. She was elated when Sam found him on a social networking site after modifying some search categories; she immediately sent him a friend request from her own profile. She couldn’t sleep that night, excited at seeing the present him and checking her phone every two minutes to see if he had responded. But he didn’t respond for a week even though his profile hadn’t lain dormant. She got upset and once again, Sam came to her rescue saying she would send him a request telling him about her. But she had lost heart, she knew he would not accept Sam’s request. There was no way of reaching him now. But a day later Sam had a different story to share. He had accepted Sam’s request. He had? In a day? She couldn’t believe he had accepted Sam’s request and not hers. It was she who had loved him for years, not Sam. It was she who had his name etched on all her key-chains, not Sam. But he had shown little respect for that, he didn’t know she existed and didn’t even want to know! Why? One look at Sam gave her the answer. Sam was tall, fair, sexy and had dimples. She, on the other hand, fell below average height, had dull looks and no dimples appeared when she smiled. She looked at Sam who was smiling from ear to ear, dimples lighting up her beautiful face. But as excited as Sam was to play Cupid, she couldn’t understand why her roommate suddenly stormed out of the room, moved into a new room on a different floor in two days and never spoke to her again.

For her final- term internship, she tried hard and succeeded in getting selected at the company he was a manager at. She had gone through his profile so many times that she now knew by heart where he worked, which diners and clubs he frequented, his favourite bands and books and movies, the names of his colleagues among other things. If there were going to be a quiz about him, she would secure full marks! She went an hour early the first day of her internship so she could spot him and start her day on an elated note. But she didn’t spot him and her day wasn’t good. She didn’t spot him because he worked in a different branch of the company and the thought of going through the internship without achieving what she had come here to achieve embittered her. Every day she made mistakes in her work, got reprimanded by her seniors, ill-behaved with her peers and went home with a long face. Even the faint hope that someday she would be sent over to his office for some work never got transformed into reality and she had a boring internship, to say the least.

A couple years later she was working at a prestigious firm in her native city, had turned down a guy who had proposed marriage because she thought she deserved better and had a particular man in mind, and was leading a complacent life. She kept checking his profile and even though she had sent him a request again, he ended up ignoring this one, too. But she wasn’t one to accept defeat. She loved him and would always do. As if to prove her point she kept a photograph of him in her purse. Some months ago, a friend of his from school had shared it with him online and she had been quick to get it printed. That was the only photo that she wished to keep of him because it was from when he was in school and reminded her of falling in love with him- the very first moments, the feelings as good as new. One day after work, she chanced upon a senior from school. They chattered like old friends even though they hadn’t been very good friends back in school but she discovered, over a cup of steaming coffee and a heart full of joy, that there would be a reunion at their school soon and that most of the ex students were likely to turn up as everyone seemed to be talking about it on various social media and were keen on seeing one another after so many years. Would she also come? Of course she would! The way she saw it, destiny had sent her a sign and she would dare not ignore it. She was so happy she paid for the coffee and gave the senior a crazy bear hug before parting. She spent the next few days shopping for the reunion and grooming herself. On the evening of the party she had to practise deep breathing to keep her eccentric excitement down and waited patiently for the love of her life to make an appearance. And he appeared. For a moment she couldn’t see or hear anybody else and Time stopped still. He looked handsome, his face having gathered seriousness and maturity over the years, yet she could see the school boy she had fallen in love with so many years ago and fell in love once again. She loved the blue of his shirt- it reminded her of the ocean she wanted to lose herself in. He was speaking to friends he hadn’t met in years, high-fiving, hugging, laughing, drinking, and laughing some more. She wanted to speak to him and this time she would. She wasn’t the young girl afraid of striking up conversations with guys anymore; she worked with men now, attended conferences, delivered presentations. She was confident and in love. She went up to him, a glass of wine in hand, and greeted him. He greeted back with a smile. Her heart skipped a beat. This was the first time he had spoken to her, the first time he had flashed at her his cute smile. It took her just a microsecond to forget the unaccepted friend requests, the years of longing, the hatred for Sam that she had kept pent-up inside. They had exchanged a few words when a group of ex students joined them. She was disappointed, very disappointed. She downed her glass of wine in one go and waited to be left alone with him. Perhaps she would ask him for a dance, a romantic dance during which she would tell him all that she had intended to say forever. And then they would exchange numbers, go on movie- dates, she’d cook for him his favourite dishes and he’d take her out on long drives and even before they knew it, they’d be madly in love with each other. A cheer from the group broke her out of her reverie. He was leaving for the dance floor, exactly what she had been planning to ask him for, but walking with him, their arms linked, instead of her, was a gorgeous woman in black.

Seeing him dance with another woman shattered her. They were close, he was whispering something in the woman’s ear from time to time and her face was breaking into smiles. It was obvious he was flirting. She couldn’t get the image of them together out of her head no matter how hard she tried. It came back to haunt her at work, in her sleep, even when she was watching a very serious piece of news! The memories of that evening gave her excruciating pain. Things had started off so well and then suddenly everything went topsy-turvy. She couldn’t focus on work, her confidence deserted her and the size and frequency of her meals decreased a great deal. She felt no energy, no drive to get anything accomplished. She had loved a guy and that guy had proved time and again that he wasn’t going to be hers. And she couldn’t stand him not being hers. So she got in touch with the senior from the coffee meeting and obtained his phone number through mutual friends the senior had with him. She was going to give him a call. She had to give him a call. Not having him in her life weighed down on her and she couldn’t take it anymore. She was desperate to get through to him. All those years of waiting had to bear fruit; he needed to know about her, the only person who could love him so dedicatedly. He would be happy to know about her feelings and accept her into his life. After the reunion, her faith had gone shaky but she still liked to hope he would accept her. So, she dialled his number and he picked up at the third ring. Hearing his voice on the other end, she was at a loss for words but when he asked who was calling a second time, she managed to tell him her name and that they had met at the reunion. He didn’t remember her all that well but spoke amicably. The call went on for a few minutes and then he said he had to go for a meeting. She was happy after speaking to him. She got some of her energy back and her performance at work improved. She called him again, a week later, when despite waiting for his call, he hadn’t called. This time he seemed a bit distant and hung up fast saying he was busy. She called him again after four days and he sounded bored. She called again and he didn’t answer the call. She called again and again but her calls went unanswered. She knew she had lost him.

And now, a month after sending him those three emails, each telling him of her love for him, she knew what she had to do. She had decided to try, one last time, to connect with him and tell him of her feelings. She had promised herself she would wait a month for him to reply. If he didn’t reply, she would put an end to her life. Life was colourless, sad, insignificant without him. She had no desire to live without him. But she had wanted to give living another shot which was why she had given herself a month to decide. In the past month she had watched movies, gone on a short trip, made friends online, eaten all that she loved and listened to her favourite songs. But at the end of the month, all that she was aware of was not her desire to live because these activities had shown her the brighter side of life, but a terrible emptiness that enveloped her, gnawed at her and made her feel every hobby and activity would be worthy if only he were there to be a part of them. But he wasn’t there. And she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to go. She opened the bottle containing the pills and thrust a few into her mouth, swallowing them with ease. She’d need more if she were to do this properly. Off went another few pills into her mouth and down her throat. The third and final handful emptied the bottle and filled her with a strange sense of happiness. She held his hand and he laced his fingers with hers, gathering her in a protective embrace and telling her he loved her. She was safe, happy, victorious in love. She had achieved all that she had dreamt of. The bottle fell to the floor as she slumped onto the bed. A piece of glossy paper was clutched in her right palm which opened a little on hitting the bedside table. The glossy paper was the only photo she had of him- the photo that reminded her of her love for him.


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