I've seen Heaven in HIM

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: December 24, 2017

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Submitted: December 24, 2017

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I’ve seen Heaven in HIM.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author: KHOUISSAT Rayhan.

An Emotional Afternoon

I went home and directly to my bedroom. I didn't know what to do. I was hopeless and felt like nobody else was left for me! I didn't even have the desire to talk to anyone; I just wanted to cry rivers till my pillows drown in tears. Few minutes later, after sobbing and crying my heart out, I wiped away my tears, switched off the light and laid down on my bed. Staring at the ceiling above my head, I started thinking, wondering what I was doing with my life? Why I was so sad, so depressed, and so unconfident! But my mind failed to find any sort of an answer! My mind blew in ache and my eyes watered again as if my pillows didn't get enough of my tears. My hand above my heart, only for the sake of hearing its beating and feeling the shaking of my whole body seeking for a refuge and a way out of this confusion and mystery of mixed feelings. Feelings have always been a riddle to my soul; I never knew what my feelings really were. I could be the happiest in one minute, and the saddest in the next...

Then, an anonymous voice broke in the silence that filled the room, from the inside of me, it emerged. Fear owned me for I didn't know from where exactly that voice was coming. I held hard on my heart with both my hands and started praying asking Allah to grant me power to face this. At the very moment, my eyes opened wide and so did my mind, my soul, and my heart. I just discovered that through my tears, and whenever I sank in fear I turned to Allah the almighty! I never thought of someone else instead of him, I just start praying and praying, asking him to never leave me! Yes!!! This is it; this is the answer I was looking for, this is what I have been missing. And so, I vowed to myself to never ever forget Allah and to always turn to him. After I had made my new ‘mind-blowing’ resolution, I felt so relieved that I fell asleep like a baby.

 

 

 

At College

The next morning, I woke up way better than ever before. The minute I opened my eyes I thanked Allah for giving me another chance in this ‘brand new’ day. I ran down the stairs, kissed my mom's forehead, hugged dad and left home, all confident and motivated to set off my new life! On my way to college, right in front of the gate of my university, I met my colleagues who were standing there gossiping as ever before. I said "Salam" and headed straight to our department. I was still a student then, and this was my first year at college. I've never had friends and I really didn't fancy having any kind of a friendship at that time. I entered our classroom and sat on my chair. I always sat in the first range right next to the teacher's desk, and of course, I tended to countdown the minutes, trying to free my mind from any kind of overthought. Though, sometimes I found myself praying in silence unconsciously as if my soul was in need for a prayer! Few minutes later, my colleagues came in laughing out loud disturbing me. I stood still watching them speaking and speaking non-stop. They always thought I was weird or even complicated for I didn't talk much. I was not keen on talking a lot; I just utter some words when it was needed. I would rather write a hundred of pages than utter meaningless sentences like a parrot.

The teacher finally arrived, and surprisingly, the room was still full of noise, oblivious of the presence of our teacher. Anyway, he said “hi” and we started our lecture. To be honest, I was really concentrated in what he was saying, but then I couldn't help it and I just got drown in my own world as usual. I started daydreaming and thinking of my new resolution. At the same time, I kept nodding to the teacher as a sign of respect and also to show him that I was still in touch and aware of his speech, though I wasn't indeed.

 

 

 

Spark Notes of my Quotidian

My day at college reached its end like any other day. I took the bus and went home. Once I arrived, I prayed and laid down on my bed trying to catch my breath, because, honestly, whenever I came back home I felt like I was a warrior who needed his lifetime to relax and I still don't know why. I tried to sleep but I failed. And so I decided to recite some verses of Holy Quran. Once the book was between my hands, my eyes watered and my heart started beating so fast that I could hear the beats filling the room. I kept reading and reading as if my soul was calling after something, as if it was feeding itself from those holy verses. I shut the holy book; put it on my wooden nightstand right next to my bed because I had the habit to first look at it whenever I wake up, story of gaining some confidence and reminding myself that my day would be better because Allah is always there for me. Then, I grabbed my purple school bag and took out my copybooks so as to revise. Mom called after me from downstairs: "Dinner, dear!", yummy!!!! I do adore my mom's cooking; she's the greatest cook in the world. You might think that I'm saying that just because she's my mother, but I swear she's adorable at cooking, and she somehow transmitted her food passion to me. Although, I suffer from a serious chronic disease that I have to be in a lifetime diet, still I always enjoy looking at the meals my mom prepares. For my dinner, I ate some mash potatoes and a mega apple; and that was sufficient to make me feel satiated and full. After my parents finished eating I put the few dishes in the sink, washed them and then found myself staring at the walls of our kitchen as if that was my first visit. The walls painted in pink, the beautiful girly sticks on the fridge: flowers, cute lovely bears, and some red hearts right in the middle. My loving daddy chose the purple colour because I do love it so much and my mom always puts that kind of stickers on the front of the fridge because it makes me feel better and optimistic. I went to wish my parents good night; they were watching TV in the guestroom. We only have one TV for we're not obsessed with watching: my dad is keen on reading newspaper and my mom is always stuck in the kitchen trying some new recipes and making of us her first guests to taste them. For my part, I spend all my time either reading books or connected to internet; question of being updated to what is happening in the world. I took a bottle of water and went upstairs, opened the window and kept watching the children of my neighbourhood playing soccer under the light of stars. They were shouting and laughing, running from one place to another. They've made kind of a stadium; they drew its edges with a piece of white chalk and have made of stones a cross-bar. At that moment I remembered my childhood which wasn't that funny. My parents never let me out for they were always afraid that someone would beat me out there or kidnap me even! I closed my window, drew the curtains so as to create a dark nighty atmosphere in my little room. I recited some verses, prayed with all my heart for poor people in the world, for my sisters and brothers in Palestine, asked forgiveness for my sins and fell asleep hugging my purple pillow and covering myself with my purple blanket. I never ever sleep without my blanket even when it's hot; it really gives me a sort of relief and makes me feel safe and secure at night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holidays

Two months later, our exams took place and of course I had to revise and prepare myself very well. They only took a couple of weeks and finally the results were out! Yes, I did it. I succeeded- thank Allah. I cannot describe my happiness at that moment; I was flying and jumping inside. I ran to my home, and jumped on my mother hugging her and kissing her forehead. I told her that I did it and thanked her for all her prayers. I always hear mom praying for me in tears; asking Allah to help and protect me. That always made my life because if your mother is satisfied and proud of you, you really won't care about the rest of the world.

Summer holidays begun and I thought to myself: "this is my chance to strengthen my relationship with Allah". I started memorizing the holy Quran starting from Surat El-Bakara, a thing that made me feel a lot better. But I did that secretly, I wanted to surprise my parents and tell them about it the day I memorize the whole holy book.

 

 

“…………………..To be continued…


© Copyright 2018 Rayhan. All rights reserved.

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