To the Guy who broke my Heart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: January 02, 2018

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Submitted: January 02, 2018

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To the guy who broke my heart

Thank you. Thank you for the time and attention, for the late night talks, for the small period of time where I feel loved. Thank you for treating me like a princess, for holding my hands, for looking in my eyes with sincerity. Thank you for comforting me when I feel that the whole world was crashing down, for believing in me when I had doubt, for opening your heart for someone like me. Thank you for being proud about us, for drinking that alcohol because of me and for making me believe in love. Again.

I also want to thank you for letting go of my hand, for not telling me the reasons why, for making me stupid for the longest time. Thank you for walking away, for not fulfilling your promises, for making me sleep at night with tears in my eyes and waking up in the morning afraid of the day. Thank you for making me miss you all the time, for making me cry all over again, for making me feel bad about myself and for making me tired of everything. Thank you for making me feel the brokenness. Again.

"Thank you" is the only word that I can utter. No other words can describe the happiness and pain that you brought in my life, the scar that you engraved in my heart. I already forgave you, but I wouldn't forget, I will always remember. Not the time you left but the moments that we shared and lessons that I've learned, I will keep it in my heart, I will always be.

I know there's still something in your heart, pain, conscience or guilt. I dont know what exactly it is but I know there is. But I want you to forgive yourself, it's not your fault, it's not even mine. Maybe it's just our fate to met, to learn lessons that was not taught to us before. To know what is right and wrong, to dig deeper to our soul to find the strength that we need. To be happy even the sun still sets and learn to patiently wait for the sun to rise.

It was a tough journey, never been easy nor smooth. But in the end of the day, It's all worth it, everything was. From the beginning until the end, from the first hello's until the last goodbye's, from the moment you hold my hand until you let go of it, from the moment you came until you walk away. Everything was and will be worth it. Everything was gone, only memories remained that I chose to keep. Not a sign of love but a reminder how I've fought the battle that changes my life.

I hope we will meet again. No. I believe we will meet again. I have no idea when, where and how. Maybe we'll meet on rainy days where you forgot you're umbrella, may be we'll see each other on the opposite sides of the train station or simply we'll just bump each other on a road. I don't know. But I just know, we will. And I hope when it comes, you'll meet my eyes, you'll watch it carefully for a couple of seconds, maybe not the same on how you look at me before but I hope you'll look at me and remembers that the lady standing in front of you once captured your heart.

Maybe on that time, we are looking at each other's eye while our memories are playing in our minds. We cannot see and hear everything that surrounds us. It seems that we are the only one standing in the world. No noise can disturb our deep connection. Then suddenly we'll be awaken, knowing that were still on the road and we'll laugh with the realization. We'll laugh like we've never been hurt before. And we'll realize we are no longer blinded with our past, we are now happy with our different lives, no regrets, just lesson learned.

There's a reason for everything. There was, is and will be. There's a reason why we didn't make it, why I'm front of you and not beside you and why we bumped at each other again. And maybe its because we are not meant to hold each others hand, we are not meant to take the same direction and we are not meant to walk together. But on that time we'll realize that we are just meant to shake each others hand like it is our very first time, "nice to meet you again" will be the words we are going to exchange. Maybe we are meant to take the opposite sides and walk separately towards our different direction. And by this, we will bid goodbye, a goodbye that we longed before, a good goodbye that closes all the open wounds and a goodbye which means I'm already fine and you are.

And as I walk, I'll watch the sky, I'll stop and wave my one hand in the air, trying to reach the sun, as it shines brightly with its rays pointing at me. Then I will smile as I am walking again. Because it is not who I am before. But it is who I am today and I've got all the courage to face life. Until then I'll realized that I am already happy. I am and I will be.


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