Last Letter

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

A suicide letter. (The contents are real but the letter isn't. I dont know what to put for genre)

Submitted: January 03, 2018

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Submitted: January 03, 2018



Dear Mom and Dad,
I guess you can say this is my letter. My final letter.
I know what you're thinking and no you couldn't have done anything to stop this. You've even seen the signs. Also, it's not for the reasons you're probably thinking.
Last year was great. Probably the best I would ever have.
 I tried so many new things. I met new people that I might eventually be able to call friends if I stayed.
Friends, let's stay on that topic for a little bit. I've never actually had any. Anyone I ever called a friend was just to make you happy. That's all you ever wanted for me... to have friends. All those afterschool programs and summer camps. Just because you wanted me to find people I could get along with. How well did that work?
I was never interested in going outside, running around, or even talking to people. That was just to make you happy. And I mean they tried, they wanted to be friends with me but in the end, I would push them away. We had nothing in common, I would rather sit alone in my room and do nothing but stare at the ceiling, maybe with the t.v. playing in the background, not that would pay any attention to it. That was just so you wouldn't worry about me. All you ever wanted for me was to not be alone once you're gone. You were always worried since I'm an only child.
 I even graduated high school.
I got my first Job and I genuinely liked it...for a little while at least. And now I'm pursuing my dream job but now that I'm here I realize it was just a hobby.
I don't want to do this every day and I don't know about the rest my life. Regardless even if I didn't feel this way, no matter how hard I work, I could never be as good as any else. 
That's written into my genetics. I'm at a significant disadvantage from them and theirs nothing I can ever do about it. This job requires both eyes when I only have one, not that government cares, in their eyes I'm perfectly fine. This job requires far more responsibility than I think I'm even capable of but that doesn't matter anymore...does it?
I never had to struggle for anything. If I needed something you find a way to get it for me. I thank you for that.
The reason we're here...there really isn't a reason. A justifiable one anyway. I just don't belong here. I can't see a future I say I want to this or that reality, that's just me lying to you and myself. Me just trying to keep myself going but I already know by the time I get there. All I'm going to feel is emptiness. I don't even find joy in the pursuit of happiness. I never did, it was all pretend.
I've never wanted anything on my own now that I think about it. Everything I've ever wanted is because that's what everyone else wanted. That's what I thought I wanted to have. No, what I needed to have but, of course whenever I actually get it. I don't feel the satisfaction the others got. Nothing close to what they had. 
Sure, I was able to have fun every once in a while but, I can't help to think that my definition of fun isn't what it's supposed to be.   Sorry, I've just been rambling, haven't I. I should have answered all your major questions anyway.

Bye, Wyn 


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